Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2009 21:21:17 GMT -4
Comments have been trickling in so slowly that the mods are resurrecting old comments and making them new again. There is no way they couldn't immediately recognize this oldie but goodie.
Who can forget The Scene....Wok on!
Who can forget The Scene....Wok on!
Karma said...
The scene: A sleazy, 3rd floor apartment, one block off of Bourbon Street.
A heavy set woman, 40ish, with short spiky hair in the back and odd, caramel colored stripes in the front sits alone in a dark room, taking long drags of her Marlboro reds and mumbles obscenities, agitated at what she is reading from the glow of an old laptop. The sound of weights clanking and a man grunting in slowing intervals from another room muffles the ladies colorful vent.
"Danny!, get in here..... now!" screams the woman, eyes bulging, cigarette smoke exclaiming each syllable.
A diminutive, muscular middle aged man, a former child star, appears, cautiously, at the threshold of the cluttered room.
"Do you know how big Dustin Diamond is?" the irritated lady queries her live-in boyfriend of 3 months.
The lady met the heavily freckled and randomly tattoed man 3 months earlier while they were filming the TLC reality series, "Celebrity Visitation". Danny taught the lady how to smoke and the lady taught Danny how to fear a woman for the first time in his life.
"He was Screech for God sakes!, baby I can handle him, you need to focus on Omarossa" the man replied, sheepishly, nearly forty years of chain smoking reduced his voice to sounding like bad brakes on dry gravel.
"We have to win this, Daniel!", the lady stressed each syllable as years of poor cosmetic reconstruction distorted her angry, orangish face, "the Ex has an infomercial airing, Dammit!"
The ladies ex cashed in on his diluted Asian roots and inked his name to and acted as a spokesman on a line of poorly crafted, cheap, Asian themed cookware targeted to young hip Asian Americans. His "Wok on!" (picture chop sticks in the form of that devil rock and roll sign) infomercial could be seen on 2 satellite channels at 2, 4 and 6 a.m.
Scene 2: The bowells of a sparsely filled downtown civic center in Paducah, Ky.
The contestants of a reality series "Celebrity Wrestling; On the Road!" gather for an emergency meeting with the shows executive producer, Scott Baio. The striped hair lady, in gold spandex and sweatband, is overheard chatting with 2 old friends, Star Jones and Marcia Brady.
The lady and Mrs. Jones have been friend for a year or so. They met when they were both contestants on another reality show "Celebrity Divorce, 12", also produced by Scott Baio. Marsha Brady had nowhere else to stand.
"I think your perfect" an almost sober Andy Dick interjects as his angry live in girlfriend, Kathy Griffin, looks on in disgust. The lady and Andy share a long, telling, glance into each others eyes, a wink shared.
An affair between the 2 has been brewing ever since they were house mates on another reality series "Celebrity Foreclosure", produced by......Baio.
The same Scott Baio now stands in the dusty, dimly lit corridor of the 75 year old arena that last week hosted a semi-regional traveling circus that featured a Labrador retriever that fetched an old dirty tennis ball and an ragged monkey that rocked nervously on his tricycle, moments before attacking his drunk handler.
"People, we have a problem" Baio's voice seem to squeak, almost pubescent.
"We have 317 people in the stands and we gave away 200 tickets. I hav'nt sold this episode to anybody, not even TLC! I cant guarantee the agreed winners purse of $10,000. The best I can do is $1719.00."
Spencer and Heidi looked to the rafters as Danny and his lady shared a lighter, seemingly indifferent. Silence, except for the humming of the cheap lighting and the distant smack of an inflated pop corn bag, blanketed the oddly dressed d-listers, one of the Coreys pretended to text someone from a broken i-phone.
Finally, Gary Coleman broke the pregnant silence "but we leave here tonight with that, right?
"Yea, but..." Chachi's response was quickly lost in the chatter as the group resumed their previous conversations, desperately networking.
The scene: A sleazy, 3rd floor apartment, one block off of Bourbon Street.
A heavy set woman, 40ish, with short spiky hair in the back and odd, caramel colored stripes in the front sits alone in a dark room, taking long drags of her Marlboro reds and mumbles obscenities, agitated at what she is reading from the glow of an old laptop. The sound of weights clanking and a man grunting in slowing intervals from another room muffles the ladies colorful vent.
"Danny!, get in here..... now!" screams the woman, eyes bulging, cigarette smoke exclaiming each syllable.
A diminutive, muscular middle aged man, a former child star, appears, cautiously, at the threshold of the cluttered room.
"Do you know how big Dustin Diamond is?" the irritated lady queries her live-in boyfriend of 3 months.
The lady met the heavily freckled and randomly tattoed man 3 months earlier while they were filming the TLC reality series, "Celebrity Visitation". Danny taught the lady how to smoke and the lady taught Danny how to fear a woman for the first time in his life.
"He was Screech for God sakes!, baby I can handle him, you need to focus on Omarossa" the man replied, sheepishly, nearly forty years of chain smoking reduced his voice to sounding like bad brakes on dry gravel.
"We have to win this, Daniel!", the lady stressed each syllable as years of poor cosmetic reconstruction distorted her angry, orangish face, "the Ex has an infomercial airing, Dammit!"
The ladies ex cashed in on his diluted Asian roots and inked his name to and acted as a spokesman on a line of poorly crafted, cheap, Asian themed cookware targeted to young hip Asian Americans. His "Wok on!" (picture chop sticks in the form of that devil rock and roll sign) infomercial could be seen on 2 satellite channels at 2, 4 and 6 a.m.
Scene 2: The bowells of a sparsely filled downtown civic center in Paducah, Ky.
The contestants of a reality series "Celebrity Wrestling; On the Road!" gather for an emergency meeting with the shows executive producer, Scott Baio. The striped hair lady, in gold spandex and sweatband, is overheard chatting with 2 old friends, Star Jones and Marcia Brady.
The lady and Mrs. Jones have been friend for a year or so. They met when they were both contestants on another reality show "Celebrity Divorce, 12", also produced by Scott Baio. Marsha Brady had nowhere else to stand.
"I think your perfect" an almost sober Andy Dick interjects as his angry live in girlfriend, Kathy Griffin, looks on in disgust. The lady and Andy share a long, telling, glance into each others eyes, a wink shared.
An affair between the 2 has been brewing ever since they were house mates on another reality series "Celebrity Foreclosure", produced by......Baio.
The same Scott Baio now stands in the dusty, dimly lit corridor of the 75 year old arena that last week hosted a semi-regional traveling circus that featured a Labrador retriever that fetched an old dirty tennis ball and an ragged monkey that rocked nervously on his tricycle, moments before attacking his drunk handler.
"People, we have a problem" Baio's voice seem to squeak, almost pubescent.
"We have 317 people in the stands and we gave away 200 tickets. I hav'nt sold this episode to anybody, not even TLC! I cant guarantee the agreed winners purse of $10,000. The best I can do is $1719.00."
Spencer and Heidi looked to the rafters as Danny and his lady shared a lighter, seemingly indifferent. Silence, except for the humming of the cheap lighting and the distant smack of an inflated pop corn bag, blanketed the oddly dressed d-listers, one of the Coreys pretended to text someone from a broken i-phone.
Finally, Gary Coleman broke the pregnant silence "but we leave here tonight with that, right?
"Yea, but..." Chachi's response was quickly lost in the chatter as the group resumed their previous conversations, desperately networking.