pachengala
Landed Gentry
Posts: 818
Mar 10, 2005 14:39:30 GMT -4
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Post by pachengala on Feb 3, 2015 21:25:39 GMT -4
When it comes to moms criticizing other moms, it's exclusively women. There are issues to do with the patriarchy surrounding child care expenses and maternity leave, etc. that can create more stress and guilt and separate parents out based on financial needs. But when it comes to choices and circumstances like breastfeeding and when to start toilet training and what books to read your kids and so on and so on, issues that are very personal and emotional, that's where women really take the lead in creating needless schisms that can turn them against one another. Yes, there are patriarchal factors, but the overlying problem that causes the most heartache and pain and guilt stems from the criticism and judgment that comes from other women. That needs to stop, and women are the only ones who can stop it. I don't agree, as I've noted, but I respect your opinion on this, highondegrassi.
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Post by BoroKat on Feb 3, 2015 22:29:28 GMT -4
I recently got caught up in a debate about squeezable applesauce and how moms who use it are sentencing their children to a lifetime of obesity. It was like breast versus bottle: the next generation.
It has been my personal opinion that parental concern trolling is perpetrated by moms. I have encountered very few -- if any -- men who had strong opinions on attachment parenting or any of its principles.
And count me in as one who still has lingering hurt feelings about my inability to breastfeeding and it has been almost eleven years. I will never forget when someone who I considered a friend told me that she could not understand why I would not do what was best for my child (breastfeed). If we were still friends (that pretty much ended it) I would tell her that 1.0 came home with a packet from school yesterday detailing his acceptance into the gifted program.
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Post by narm on Feb 3, 2015 23:01:40 GMT -4
I think the feminism, culture, psychology and varying philosophies (as well as industry; let's face it) surrounding the mommy wars is fascinating as well a total land mine. For me, personally, there has never been an undertaking in my life that has made me feel more vulnerable or insecure (at the same time, nothing else has ever made me more stoked on life). People can be vicious about parenting. I think it does no harm to generally assume most people are doing the best the have with what they've got. Of course, I KNOW there are glaring tragic exceptions...but I've learned so much about myself and my friends in the process of being a parent.
That said, I really do try to see people where they are. This anti-vaxxing thing though...is pushing some real buttons that make me want to yell far and wide. I want to kick Wakefield's ass for starting shit. And for some reason, that I don't quite get, I kinda feel more for Jenny McCarthy (I know, I KNOW) that I do for Mayim, in this regard. What's that about? /hate Seinfeld/
Aw, Greecies...I don't know.
Borokat, I'm glad you kicked that friend to the curb.
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Post by kostgard on Feb 4, 2015 1:36:00 GMT -4
As a non-mom on the outside of this topic looking in, the mom-shaming always seemed to me as a method for people to feel superior. Look at me! I am raising my child sooooooo much better than you! Because I love my child more than you love your child. I am superior. I go above and beyond. Basically, I always envision the conversations/sites are all like this.When people concern-troll about children, it is almost never about children. It is about making themselves feel superior.
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Post by narm on Feb 4, 2015 1:44:27 GMT -4
OH MY GOD. That clip is awesome and I hate that I never saw it before! Because yeah, pretty much. At least in the beginning for me. I found "my peeps" and I deal with a lot less than that. But yeah, I had the Lemon experience a few different times. LOL for reals.
And I completely agree about the concern troll. Except...this vax thing. But I realized today one of my favorite FB people is anti, so I'm going to keep my mouth shut. She is a person I respect, a lot (we used to work together). But boy it is hard. I hate hearing about these new cases.
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Post by kostgard on Feb 4, 2015 2:06:39 GMT -4
This suggests that parents who don't vaccinate their kids should be fined several thousand dollars per year and says that parents who don't vaccinate their kids are just selfish buttholes and...I can't say I disagree. I just have little patience for people who refuse to acknowledge all the data out there and blow it off in order to embrace their unproven theories no matter what logic and reasoning says. I feel the same way about anti-vaxxers as I do about climate change deniers and people who don't believe in evolution. I just can't. It's basically people who believe in conspiracy theories - they ignore the facts staring them in the face because they don't fit their worldview and any real voice of authority is brushed off as someone who is in on the conspiracy. No one stops to think how asinine it is to believe Dr. Wakefield, whose study was a royally unethical clusterfuck and he has since lost his license to practice medicine - he is the only brave warrior fighting for truth. All the other doctors out there are part of the conspiracy or just haven't "educated themselves" (hint: yes, they have) or they are getting paid by the drug companies who make the vaccines and only make the vaccines for the cash they generate (because if you make money off of something that helps people, clearly it must be evil). Just like all those climate scientists are all bought off by alternative energy companies (that don't have a huge share of the market) and we should all listen to the politicians whose pockets are lined by oil companies because they totally don't have any ulterior motives!
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Post by divasahm on Feb 4, 2015 9:17:43 GMT -4
Andrew Wakefield still lives in my community. I used to see his wife at the grocery store, but I haven't in a while. I wonder if they will move back to England now that their kids are grown. I am incredibly grateful to have had my bullshit meter pinged when I first learned of his clinic, Thoughtful House, when we were investigating options for ds3.
The whole mommy wars thing seemed to pass me by. I was definitely exposed to some super-judgmental moms, but I tended to do my own thing and refrain from commenting on anyone's choices, including my own. I'm sure I missed out on some valuable information and ideas, but the mantra "To Each His/Her Own" kept me from constantly second-guessing myself. Mayim could use a heaping dose of that right now.
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Post by MrsOldManBalls on Feb 5, 2015 8:50:34 GMT -4
"To Each His/Her Own" kept me from constantly second-guessing myself. Mayim could use a heaping dose of that right now. You gotta do what is right by your own family.
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Post by azaleaqueen on Feb 5, 2015 10:29:00 GMT -4
I had c-sections (not by choice, sometimes it just doesn't work out) and have been subjected to all sorts of sneers and smirks by women for whom everything went as scheduled. The younger azaleas were also formula-fed, got solids when still quite young, and were vaccinated. They are not fat, allergy-ridden, stupid or autistic. I had a friend when they were little who wasthe queen of the smirkers. She had natural, breast-fed and her kids were the most unhealthy I think I've ever seen. One of them had mono and strep all in a two-month period. FULL of allergies. I don't think you could go into a second-grade class and pick out which kids were raised which way in regard to those things.
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Post by Hamatron on Feb 5, 2015 12:38:37 GMT -4
Yeah. So much of that stuff is genetic, too. Congrats, smirky parent, you had a good roll of the dice... this time.
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