Re: Dear Hollywood...

[duskwolf]

Dear Hollywood,

What's this thing you got going on with the flatter-than-flat damn-near-concave abs?

Christ, I'm a size 2, and by your standards because I don't have the impossible abs, I would be considered chubby.

Please reconsider your stance on the abs situation. It would make those of us without personal trainers like you a little more than before.

ETA: It would also probably also make fitness vendors ease up on the abs-only exercise devices. Any of us with a bit of sense know that it takes a little more than a device that works abs to get shrunk in the waist (I don't exercise, but damn, that irks).

Yours ever truly,

Duskie

PS...If it isn't too much to ask, could you reconsider Botox while you're at it, too?

[spinsterliz]

Dear Hollywood,

Not every woman with a large chest is a dumb floozy who will sleep with anyone. And just because a person has a large chest does not mean she has to dress like a hooker. Some of us have boobs naturally, okay. They didn't just pop up because we're stupid.

And one more thing: If Tom Cruise tries to set up scientology tents on his sets, please tell him to go fuck himself. That madness must stop.

Regards, SpinsterLiz

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood,

Please, please, please for the love of all things good and peaceful on earth, please stop making these stupid, stereotypical, movies.

Furthermore, do you have any decent storytellers that could give the audience some original, refreshing, storylines, and hire some REAL ACTORS/ACTRESSES to perform in these stories?!

Thank you for your cooperation. I look forward to seeing some marked improvements soon.

Sincerely,

Nodo

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood:

For the love of Pete, would you please stop giving work to the talentless, skeltal, famewhores like Lindsay Lohan, Kate Bosworth, Paris Hilton and Tara Reid!

Their movies don't make money, they can't act and no one really cares about them.

Give some deserving talented unknown actress the job - it'll save you some $$$ and just might bring a few more people to the theater. If nothing else, at least someone who is in it for the acting and not the fame will actually get work.

Oh, and quit raising the price of movies. That's why I don't go as often. For usually less than double the price, I can buy the damn thing on DVD in a few months and watch it as many times as I want, from the comfort of my own home.

Hugs & Smoochies

Sarcastic Cheese

[ladymadonna]

Dear Hollywood,

This letter is to inform you of my current personal mindset to justify spending a small fortune to go out to see a movie.

1. Looks pretty funny, but, I think I'll wait to rent the DVD. After all, the turnaround time is pretty quick compared to what it used to be.

2. Looks pretty scary, but honestly, I think I'd have more fun renting it for $4.00 and sitting home alone scaring the crap out of myself.

3. Car chases and violence? Even my hubby wants to wait for the rental. Because, you know, it costs an arm and a leg to go to the movies these days.

4. Johnny Depp. OK, you've got me, I'll pay $10.00 a ticket to see him.... but... are you going to cast him in EVERY movie you put out? And I must warn you, if he turns on me and puts out some Adam Sandler type crap, then I will turn on you faster than a dog with rabies.

5. Rom Com. Ummmm......... unless it's of When Harry Met Sally caliber, I'm totally waiting for the HBO premiere.

Basically, Hollywood, as close as we have been all of my life, I am sick and tired of the way you treat me. You put out crap after crap after crap and you expect me to pay more and more each time.

Keep it up, and I'll just break up with you. I don't deserve this shite.



Yours,
ladymadonna

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood:

It's not just that your product is failing our cost/benefit analyses these days, although that should be enough to get you scratching your heads to come up with a better product. It's also the outlets for your product... soulless megaboxes with all the charm of a cattle market. Herd 'em in, herd 'em out. And everybody knows they make their money not from the admission prices, which keep rising with no corresponding rise in movie quality, but from the shite they sell at the snack bar. Like paying $3.50 for 10 cents worth of Coke. We ain't stupid.

I know, I know...the surveys tell you we are. But guess what? I take surveys and totally make stuff up, for the sole purpose of screwing the results. You think I'm the only one? Huh? Do ya?


Your pal,
Duke

[ownlife]

Dear Hollywood:

I've just learned of yet another remake based on one of my favorite books, The Decameron, and Mischa Barton is starring. Why? I don't see what this bland starlet adds to any of those tales. Are there no original ideas out there anymore? Enough with the remakes already.

Sincerely,
ownlife

P.S. Bewitched was horrible.

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood,

One word: Originality. Try something new and fresh please. No more recycled ideas from the past. Lay off the old television shows. There's a reason why this year's box office stinks. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Nedsdag.

[Deleted]

Dear Hollwood

Stop blaming internet piracy for all the money you're losing. You can easily reduce production costs if you stop overpaying outragous star salaries. We live in a world where Chris Tucker makes $20 million for being loud and obnoxious (and not in a funny way either). Animated movies (particularly Dreamworks') would turn higher profits if they didn't hire celebs and just concentrated on making the script better (All hail Pixar!)

Also, lay off setting release dates you know you can't make yet still try anyway. It's because of that X-men 3 is now in the hands of that greasy frat boy Brett Ratner, who can't frame a shot to save his life. Would it have hurt to wait for Bryan Singer to finish Superman?

Bring back multipart movie serials with decent budgets. This way you could continue franchises that would never fit the 90 minute movie formula. Comic adaptations would run smoother without having any unnecessary lags in quality (do we really need more scenes of Peter whining about MJ, a woman who clearly looks like Billy Corgan with very badly thought out breasts?)

Thanks for listening

Wolfwood

[alpierce]

Dear Hollywood

subject: Re: remaking old TV shows

It has come to our attention that people from the mailroom are now running hollywood. This practice must stop. It has always been our policy that people who 'greenlight' films be knowledgeable in the arts and literature and have a basic understanding of accounting. We have always been of the position that remaking old TV shows should be left to the TV department. We also question the choices of some of these 'remakes'. Some of these shows, while popular in niche groups were canceled due to low ratings. Others that have been remade ended of their own accord because they had nothing else to say.

Subject: Re: Skinny actresses

We have been advised by legal that forcing actors\actresses to lose dangerous amounts of weight could possibly expose us to lawsuits. This practice must stop immediately. We would also like to know whose Idea this was as this person obviously needs to see a therapist.