The Etiquette Thread

[ladymadonna]

Thanks for the support everyone. I just needed a place to vent yesterday, because the "letter from Jesus" was kind of the last straw for me. I just get tired of being inundated with religious stuff this time of year. Incidentally, I talked to my best friend (who is Jewish) about it last night and he laughed and said, "Welcome to MY world." LOL!

We are not a faith based organization, but everyone in the office except for me is devoutly Christian. They are just being thoughtless rather than malicious.

My boss was off today, but I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and tell her how much her little "Hell isn't THAT hot" comment offended me.

On the whole, I LOVE my job and my co-workers. We are trained as advocates to be accepting and open-minded toward everyone. I just think that they forget that when it comes to their friends.

Of course, I may just have to circulate a "Christmas is a co-opted Pagan holiday" email to teach them all a lesson. JK.

Whatever. I'm over it. Thanks for letting me vent.

[batmom]

Of course, I may just have to circulate a "Christmas is a co-opted Pagan holiday" email to teach them all a lesson. JK.

Can we compose one? Please, please, pretty please? I'm so tired of getting grief because I like to take time off at Christmas, exchange gifts and do the Santa thing with my kids. I'm an athiest, yes, but none of these things have anything to do with the birth of Christ and indulging in them does not make me a hypocrit.

[ladymadonna]

Can we compose one? Please, please, pretty please? I'm so tired of getting grief because I like to take time off at Christmas, exchange gifts and do the Santa thing with my kids. I'm an athiest, yes, but none of these things have anything to do with the birth of Christ and indulging in them does not make me a hypocrit.

Amen. LOL!

"Long, long ago, in a galaxy far away.." Oh wait. That's Tom Cruise's holiday story.

[sleepy]

ladymadonna said:

Of course, I may just have to circulate a "Christmas is a co-opted Pagan holiday" email to teach them all a lesson. JK.

No, really. Can we do this? Because I would so circulate that to the people who try to shove their beliefs on me.

[Auroranorth]

anne said:

I have forwarded e-mails before to friends who I knew did not agree with the viewpoint I was forwarding. I forward e-mails RARELY, and when I do, I usually don't forward them to people who would disagree. But once in a blue moon, I come across something that is worded in such an impressive way that I'll forward it as food for thought. As I see it, I don't get offended by the mere presence of a viewpoint which is in conflict with my own. Well-stated opposing viewoints make me think ... sometimes they change my mind, sometimes they solidify my thinking the opposite of what they are arguuing.

So I'd say that there is not always an assumption that the recipient of every forward will agree with it. I don't assume that, and I don't expect my friends/family to always agree with me. If they respect me, I"m happy with that.

I think the difference here is friends/family versus coworkers. There are things I might say about my beliefs that might not be appropriate at the office. Therefore, I don't say them. Plus, making your religious beliefs required reading at work is not what you are supposedly there for.

[anne]

auroranorth said:

anne said:

I have forwarded e-mails before to friends who I knew did not agree with the viewpoint I was forwarding. I forward e-mails RARELY, and when I do, I usually don't forward them to people who would disagree. But once in a blue moon, I come across something that is worded in such an impressive way that I'll forward it as food for thought. As I see it, I don't get offended by the mere presence of a viewpoint which is in conflict with my own. Well-stated opposing viewoints make me think ... sometimes they change my mind, sometimes they solidify my thinking the opposite of what they are arguuing.

So I'd say that there is not always an assumption that the recipient of every forward will agree with it. I don't assume that, and I don't expect my friends/family to always agree with me. If they respect me, I"m happy with that.

I think the difference here is friends/family versus coworkers. There are things I might say about my beliefs that might not be appropriate at the office. Therefore, I don't say them. Plus, making your religious beliefs required reading at work is not what you are supposedly there for.

I agree with you completely on the distinction between family/friends and work, but the post I was responding to was in regards to forwards from friends/family. I will not even forward non-controversial e-mails to people at work. On the rare occasion I get something I think a co-worker would be interested in, I send it to their home e-mail, not the work one. No need cluttering up their work e-mail with junk that may make them ignore relevant stuff I have to send!

On the topic of religious views at work, I will add that I think it is JUST as important that anti-religious views are kept out of work. I'm in a milder but similiar situation to Ladymadonna in my office. I am a Christian. I"m the only one of us here. (small office) I don't evangelize at work. If we're talking things that happened over the weekend and it's relevant, I'll mention that I went to church. I take Good Friday off each year. I go to committee meetings at my church (in the evening - not conflicting with work). So it is known in my office that I am devoted to my faith and to my church, but I don't preach to co-workers and whatnot.

But I am CONSTANTLY listening to anti-religious rhetoric from my co-workers. One openly mocks religous people and God in general. I listen to comments like "See, that's why I can't stand religious people" on a regular basis. I HATE it. I'm never quite sure if the message I'm supposed to be getting is "I think so little of you that i have no hesitation to slam you to your face" or if it's "I don't see you as religious". Either way, I find it insulting.

[sleepy]

anne said:

But I am CONSTANTLY listening to anti-religious rhetoric from my co-workers. One openly mocks religous people and God in general. I listen to comments like "See, that's why I can't stand religious people" on a regular basis. I HATE it. I'm never quite sure if the message I'm supposed to be getting is "I think so little of you that i have no hesitation to slam you to your face" or if it's "I don't see you as religious". Either way, I find it insulting.

See, that's not right either. I hardly ever see that sort of behavior (caveat: I am an atheist so perhaps I'm turning a blind eye to it, or I am pettily glad the shoe is on the other foot), but that doesn't mean it's okay. I'm sorry, Anne. I bet that would hurt.

[anne]

It used to really bother me. Then one night, I was reading a bible passage (ironic) that TOTALLY applied, and basically said "Why are you letting these people get to you when God is on your side?" So since then, I've considered the source and let it roll off my back. The funny thing is, I discreetly wrote the number of the passage I read on a post-it and put it at the bottom of my computer monitor. I know what it means, but to anyone else who saw it, it would just look like 118 on a piece of paper. I've tried to figure out how I'd answer if one of my co-workers ever asked me what it meant.

[zivvie]

As a blue-eyed blonde, people are always saying racist things and then looking to me for approval. It's like they assume that I am some kind of Neo Nazi - it drives me nuts!...I do call people on it though - when I was younger I used to let it slide but now that I am steadily becoming a grumpy old woman I refuse to allow them to labour under the assumption that I join them in their racism.

This fellow blue-eyed-blonde hears ya. I look like I have the map of Sweden on my face, but some people assume I'm German, and say certain terrible things that I don't let slide. And if that makes me a grumpy old woman, then save me a seat at the Hot Grumpy Old Women table!

Along the same lines of bothersome-ness: People who cloak offensive statements with the preface, "I'm not racist/sexist/anti-religion/etc., but (insert offensive statement here)". I've very rarely heard a statement after that line that wasn't offensive.

[pepper67]

But I am CONSTANTLY listening to anti-religious rhetoric from my co-workers. One openly mocks religous people and God in general. I listen to comments like "See, that's why I can't stand religious people" on a regular basis. I HATE it. I'm never quite sure if the message I'm supposed to be getting is "I think so little of you that i have no hesitation to slam you to your face" or if it's "I don't see you as religious". Either way, I find it insulting.

And so you should. Even if you disagree with someone's religion, there's no need to be offensive about it. Either situation (having religion or anti-religion pushed down one's throat) is not on.

The funny thing is, I discreetly wrote the number of the passage I read on a post-it and put it at the bottom of my computer monitor. I know what it means, but to anyone else who saw it, it would just look like 118 on a piece of paper. I've tried to figure out how I'd answer if one of my co-workers ever asked me what it meant.

You could just say, "It's a reminder to myself to not let the offensive things you say bother me." Then if they ask what, tell them. Hopefully, they don't actually realise (DUH) that they're being offensive and they'll knock it off after that.