J.K. Rowling

[Wol]

My friend's son is trans. He looks much younger than his age (22) and he is short and slightly built. He could be a target for pedophiles or for toxic men looking to prove something while using a men's bathroom. Goes both ways.

We're all unsafe everywhere, sorry. We can rationalize and hypothesize this ad nauseam. I'm unsafe in my house if there's an earthquake or a break in. I'm unsafe in my car because of other drivers. I'm unsafe in public spaces because of predators and the mentally ill. The idea that we are less safe in public spaces because of transgender people is a construct of the close-minded and the intolerant.

And guess what? Gender conflicted people have been around for centuries. Medical science finally caught up with a way to assist them. For centuries they have dealt with their issues with drag, maybe with homosexuality, most often with repression, depression, and suicide.

[Ginger]

Feb 1, 2009 20:50:32 GMT -4 syve said:

If I hear a masculine voice when I'm in the bathroom whether I feel safe or not depends on how safe the bathroom feels anyway, whether it feels well lit and clean, how many people are around, if there is drug use or blue lights, will someone hear me if I scream, and more broadly how safe I feel in an area or country.

It would be nice if all public bathrooms were safe, but in my experience, traveling means sometimes using bathrooms that are sketchy and/or isolated. I didn't plan to be in the situation I found myself in, and it only would have been prevented by my having stayed home. Like I said, there were a number of factors about that situation that caused the fear, and the male voice(s) was only one of them...but it still was one of them. I feel I might have a fighting chance defending myself if I'm attacked/mugged by a female body. In the situation I was in, indicators told me that at least one of those people was going to have the biological strength to overpower me and the genitals to rape me.

I'm not saying this is some widespread scenario. But having found myself unexpectedly in a situation where gender and bathroom sharing was a real safety concern, I can't say that it's just a hypothetical non-issue that is being invented by bigots.

[Wol]

I was almost assaulted in a public bathroom. I was in a stall and a guy came in and called to his friend "Yeah, she's in here alone. Let's do it." I kicked the stall door open and it scared him off. I was very stupid and very lucky. For whatever reason that experience has not wired me to fear transgender people using the bathroom of their choice. I think we need to chalk this one up to a YMMV.

[famvir]

On the J. K. Rowling's new book, the description of the serial killer was not that he was trans, or ever cross dressing. He wanted to trap women, so he put on a woman's coat and a bad wig and acted hurt to gain their trust and sympathy and entice them to come close enough so he could snatch them.

So back 35 years ago, I had a friend whose husband was going through sexual reassignment. They had three adult kids together, and he was living as a man in his home town, and as a woman in his work town.

He was having hormone treatment, and saving up for reassignment surgery in Europe (Belgium? Denmark?).

It was poignant to be in the household. The kids still called him "dad," and didn't understand at all. His wife (my friend) was trying to supportive, but was dealing with staying in the marriage with her best friend, who was changing from a man to a woman. It was something that people tittered at, made rude jokes about. It was very difficult, and the social network were other trans families across the US and Europe.

I am shocked and pleased that it has come to be accepted as much as it has, particularly amongst the younger generation.
Maybe there's hope yet. And the way parents are so supportive of their kids...it's a wonderful thing.

A neighbor made a crack 20 years ago that he would disown any child of his that was gay. Last week he announced his son was marrying another man, and we are all so happy for the family.

This is why I am not done with this world, with this US. Everything can change. We can fix things. We can be caring and inclusive, and it's the kids, my grandkids, that are leading the way.

[Coffeecakes]

Sept 17, 2020 12:59:46 GMT -4 Wol said:

If you believe trans women are not women, please do some more research. They don't just throw on a dress and make up. That's drag. Trans people (male and female) go through physical and emotional hell to be what they believe they are. I cannot imagine the pain of waking up every day feeling that your outward appearance is a betrayal of who you are, that your body is a prison. I have seen what hormone therapy does to people. I have seen what the surgical process and scars look like. And it's not like completion of the process suddenly means you are happy. One of my dearest friends is a trans woman. She's had multiple surgeries including facial reconstruction. She definitely doesn't look like she was born female - she can't hide that she is trans. Before COVID she dealt with stares and pointing and whispers and side eyes daily. It's a hard f**king life, just like we all are trying to live, trans or cis or POC or economically disadvantaged or survivors or whatever we are all dealing with.

And evil comes in all forms and sizes. There will be trans people who commit crimes, same as whites and POC and gays and whoever. But that doesn't mean all trans people are lurking in bathrooms waiting to rape someone. Are all frat boys rapists? There's a lot of statistics that they might be, but not all. Toxic masculinity is a real thing, but we all know good men. Feminism and sisterhood are a real thing, but we all know plenty of ugly ass Karens out there. You get my point.

For those that suffer from gender dysphoria, I feel lots of sympathy for, it must be hell, especially if known as a child. But by your logic, because they go through hell, we should consider them women. You said it yourself, "what they believe they are". A belief is different from fact. Just because they are suffering, doesn't mean everyone has to validate their feelings by proclaiming them real women. They are trans women and there is nothing wrong with that.

Trans people should live their lives how they want to, but at the same time, not invade women's spaces. We as women are constantly in danger from men, and yes trans women feel like they are not men, but most still look like what they were born as, male. Our safety or language to describe ourselves should not be set aside or changed to coddle feelings. Because that is what this is at the end of the day, feelings.

[leigh1983]

Mar 6, 2005 3:23:01 GMT -4 Coffeecakes said:

For those that suffer from gender dysphoria, I feel lots of sympathy for, it must be hell, especially if known as a child. But by your logic, because they go through hell, we should consider them women. You said it yourself, "what they believe they are". A belief is different from fact. Just because they are suffering, doesn't mean everyone has to validate their feelings by proclaiming them real women. They are trans women and there is nothing wrong with that.

Trans people should live their lives how they want to, but at the same time, not invade women's spaces. We as women are constantly in danger from men, and yes trans women feel like they are not men, but most still look like what they were born as, male. Our safety or language to describe ourselves should not be set aside or changed to coddle feelings. Because that is what this is at the end of the day, feelings.

I've learned a lot taking child development classes one thing that I have been taught is that we have all have bias, and we should be careful how when show that bias when we around children and families. What makes someone a woman? When a trans-person looks in the mirror they don't see themselves as their biological sex they see themselves as the gender they identify with. If being a woman means having kids, than I don't qualify as a woman. Does it mean having long hair? Long nails? Wearing make-up? There's no one way to be a woman. Trans-women are women they were just born in the wrong body, because of something that happened in the womb. That's not their fault.

It can be scary being a woman, no one is denying that, and yes there are evil people in the world, but we can't push our biases on a group who are targeted for just trying to be who they are. This idea that trans-women are just waiting in bathroom to attack people is insensitive. If J.K. could just get over herself, she could be a great advocated for trans-people.

[ennazus]

In my opinion, trans women are women, and trans men are men. They’d like to use the washrooms they identify with, just like we all do. In a perfect world, there’d be gender-free washroom facilities. As I’ve mentioned in Current Events, I’m the mum of a transgender person. Optimally, I’d like to think that my child will not be treated as an other, and singled out, when they just want to fit in where they feel most comfortable.

[gremlin45]

Sept 17, 2020 23:48:30 GMT -4 leigh1983 said:

If being a woman means having kids, than I don't qualify as a woman. Does it mean having long hair? Long nails? Wearing make-up? There's no one way to be a woman.

Agreed. I read Julia Surano's book "Whipping Girl". In it, she explains she and the transgender people she knows had to measure up to their psychologist's idea of what it means to be male or female, or they'd be told they couldn't transition because they weren't actually transgender. For subsequent appointments, they'd wear whatever they needed to to fit the psychologist's ideas of male/female clothing etc., and then they were acknowledged to be transgender.

[Millis]

As a little note of hope here, I live in a very conservative white community close to Boston. In my small town I know at least three families that have transgendered children and are allowing them to live as their identifying gender. I'm sure I cannot even begin to fathom the pain and difficulties they've experienced, but when I see these children at school or sporting events, they seem happy and accepted. My son was on a sports team with one child that started the season as "Sally" and the very next game we were all told his name is now "Harry". My son asked about it, "You said her name was Sally?" and I told him I was wrong and his name is "Harry" and that was literally IT.

[Wol]

Sept 17, 2020 22:30:28 GMT -4 Coffeecakes said:

Sept 17, 2020 12:59:46 GMT -4 Wol said:

If you believe trans women are not women, please do some more research. They don't just throw on a dress and make up. That's drag. Trans people (male and female) go through physical and emotional hell to be what they believe they are. I cannot imagine the pain of waking up every day feeling that your outward appearance is a betrayal of who you are, that your body is a prison. I have seen what hormone therapy does to people. I have seen what the surgical process and scars look like. And it's not like completion of the process suddenly means you are happy. One of my dearest friends is a trans woman. She's had multiple surgeries including facial reconstruction. She definitely doesn't look like she was born female - she can't hide that she is trans. Before COVID she dealt with stares and pointing and whispers and side eyes daily. It's a hard f**king life, just like we all are trying to live, trans or cis or POC or economically disadvantaged or survivors or whatever we are all dealing with.

And evil comes in all forms and sizes. There will be trans people who commit crimes, same as whites and POC and gays and whoever. But that doesn't mean all trans people are lurking in bathrooms waiting to rape someone. Are all frat boys rapists? There's a lot of statistics that they might be, but not all. Toxic masculinity is a real thing, but we all know good men. Feminism and sisterhood are a real thing, but we all know plenty of ugly ass Karens out there. You get my point.

For those that suffer from gender dysphoria, I feel lots of sympathy for, it must be hell, especially if known as a child. But by your logic, because they go through hell, we should consider them women. You said it yourself, "what they believe they are". A belief is different from fact. Just because they are suffering, doesn't mean everyone has to validate their feelings by proclaiming them real women. They are trans women and there is nothing wrong with that.

Trans people should live their lives how they want to, but at the same time, not invade women's spaces. We as women are constantly in danger from men, and yes trans women feel like they are not men, but most still look like what they were born as, male. Our safety or language to describe ourselves should not be set aside or changed to coddle feelings. Because that is what this is at the end of the day, feelings.

My trans woman friend has breast implants, had her penis removed, can't pee standing up anymore. Those are facts, not beliefs.

Language to describe ourselves shouldn't be set aside or changed to coddle feelings? Does that mean it's ok to start using "ni**er" or "retard" again?

Because people are suffering, we shouldn't validate their feelings? I think the BLM and Me Too movements would have issues with that.