Vanity Fair (the Magazine)

[Deleted]

I really enjoyed a few of the articles in the Hollywood issue and I appreciated that they tried to do something different with the photo spread but I feel sort of cheated. I like reading the little pieces of prose about why the actor (or whoever) is featured. Titles like "The Force" or "The Best Kept Secret" combined with little blurbs about why that actor is so amazing. I also prefer the pictures when they are by different photographers and focus on one actor (or a few actors) at a time. The noir spread is neat and cool looking but squeezing tons of actors in a busy shot doesn't do real justice to any of them. The thing did look great but it isn't what I want out of my Hollywood issue. Plus the cover is maybe the most boring Hollywood cover that I have ever seen!

That said, the photos in the last few Hollywood issues were nothing to write home about. Maybe it was time to spice things up and do a themed photo spread.

[Karen]

I hate this Sopranos cover. Two ugly old actors and a naked young woman wearing heels. That's even worse than creepy Tom Ford sitting there next to naked Keira and Scarlett - at least they were allowed show their faces and were relevant to the issue, not just random pieces of meat.

[Deleted]

Ah, the Film Noir narrative in the March 2007. The story was lacking and the pictures well...

If you know anything about Film Noir, how can you not see these two pictures, (they are one two page spread in the mag), and not say, "These were two be-decked and bedazzling dames in a car looking good and looking for trouble." And no, the story does not say anything of the kind.

The Film Noir storyline was uninteresting and the pictures were uninspired. I think that Miss Leibovitz needs some time off to re-charge. The behind the scenes
pictures were more alive and intriguing than any of the actual Noir story shots. I mean, look at Miss Houston, right there, is more attitude and story than in any of Miss Leibovitz pictorial shots. Raymond Chandler could have gotten a good short story out of that picture of Miss Houston.

It is sort of ironic, Miss Leibovitz's pictures get upstaged in the mag with actual pictures from actual Film Noir films, ever seen Laura, Miss Leibovitz? Look on page 138, now that is how Noir is done.

Miss Kitty Carlisle is a very mature lady, she was born in the age of the dinosaurs, but she is still going strong. When I am as mature as she is, I hope that I have a cool apartment with tons of fun stuff in it and all my brain cells, just like her. Wasn't she in some movie with the Marx Brothers? They were funny but they are all dead. Miss Carlisle played one of their straight ladies and she is still alive. Maybe laughing is not a requirement for longevity. I know being a dinosaur precludes it.

Mr. Dunne must still be writing his book. He has an old re-cycled article about his experiences with Miss Elizabeth Taylor. You know, when she was marrying drunks, and not when she was be-friending little boy lovers. I tell you this, age has done wonders for Mr. Dunne's hair. It has not done wonders for Miss Taylor's hair or looks or sense.

Robert Evans should have written the Noir Film story. It wouldn't have made that much sense but he would have dealt with the celebrities much better. Evidently, Mr. Evans hung out with President Kennedy in the president's congressman days and instead of chasing women together, Mr. Evans reminisces about his altar boy days with Bishop Donahue. Evidently they made out in the vestry---the Bishop and Mr. Evans. I don't know where President Kennedy was---probably stalking nuns in the nunnery.

And Pat Dollard is the biggest a**H**e and Dolt and Dullard in Hollywood. If you don't believe me, try to read that article about him. Un-f*****g believeable. Why do people like him and Mr. Jackson roam this earth and the Tyranosaurus Rex is dead and extinct? What is the holy purpose in that? Why are sharks endangered creatures when Mr. Dollard and Mr. Jackson swim the celebrity seas? It is a mystery. Hey, I just disproved intelligent design theory.

And why are Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher back in Vanity Fair after Miss Moore disgraced the cover in the last issue? What are they blackmailing Mr. Graydon Carter with? Are they sending him pictures of themselves in compromising postions? Because Mr. Carter just keeps publishing those pictures in the magazine, month after month after mooning month.

I would rather see Mr. Carter's pictures of his romantic getaway with a goat in the lovely mountains of Kashmir. As long as Miss Leibovitz didn't take them, because then they would be boring. And Porn can't be Porn when it's boring, can it? And Porn can't be pictures of Miss Moore and Mr. Kutcher, can it? Whatever Porn is, I'll know it when I see the judges of the Supreme Court doing it.

[heyalice]

Something about the Africa covers makes me a little ill.

[titilayo]

Yeah, me too. I don't like the idea behind the covers much to start with. A few of them really irritate me: the ones with Madonna, the one with Desmond Tutu and Brad Pitt (Brad looks like such a doofus in that photo), the ones with Oprah, the ones with Jay-Z. Wow, that's more than just a few, isn't it? I do like the one with Chris Rock and Maya Angelou and the one with Iman and Don Cheadle.

[GirlyGhoul]

I think I get where she was going witht them, but it didn't work. It looks like the theme was "Pass it on" with one subject whispering into the ear of the next. It think it was supposed to be deep, But too many of the celebs can't contain themselves not to look like they're whispering something naughty into the other's ear.
The one with Madonna and Maya Angelou is particularly off. Maya's look says "Oh, I am thinking deep, poetic thoughts about Africa!" Madonna's says "Hey, Maya... wanna see my Sex book? It's Sexy!" Same with the Oprah/ George Clooney one. Clooney is all "Yes, deep thoughts we must think about Africa!" Oprah's look is "My limo is revved up out back, Honey! Let's hit it!"
And yes, Brad look goofy in both shots.

Iman, Djimon, Don Cheadle (and yeah Brad, even if he is goofy) all breathtakingly beautiful as always. Which is fine, it's a beauty magazine. But I thought the point was supposed to be about Africa this go 'round.

It comes off shallow and silly. Esp. Madonna's head shot. "Umm... yes. Deep, deep thoughts about Africa.... Annie, you better get the lighting just right on my face, Bitch!....Where was I? Oh yes, Africa... deep deep thoughts..."

[jaghetersimon]

I like the pic where Brad has his arm around Djimon. The look on his face is totally, I HAVE BLACK FRIENDS! GO ME!! I'M SO LIBERAL!

They're all such idiots.

[Deleted]

I'll buy the issue but I'll totally skip the picture portion of that story. I'm tired of the pandering. OK, you all care about Africa, we. get. it. Enough!

Audrey Hepburn is turning over in her grave right now.

[heyalice]

Why the HELL does Shrub get two covers? What the fuck has he done for Africa?
ETA: Thank you for clearing that up for me. It's all good.

[viridian]

heyalice said:

Why the HELL does Shrub get two covers? What the fuck has he done for Africa?

Everyone appears twice; the cover concept seems to be "Let's play 'Telephone' for Africa, you guyses!"

Considering his administration cut funding for African health clinics which provided condoms rather than preaching abstinence, it's infuriating to see Bush on the cover.

Anyway - the covers are pretty lame, and the photos are all unflattering and/or goofy-looking.