The Works of L. Ron Hubbard

[monsterzero]

Yup, we're here to discuss the 'works' of one L. Ron Hubbard, the man who had to make up an impressive resume as his works of fiction suck harder than Britney during one of Cletus's walkouts. Sadly, today while most of the focus is deservedly on the crappy Clam writings of Hubbard, one forgets that there are plenty of godawful fictional works that were published in order to draw scifi readers into the fold of this crap.

From Battlefield Earth to Final Blackout to the unreadable Fear and to my personal 'favorite,' all ten volumes of the Piss-On...er, Mission Earth series, let us mock them horribly. Come on, I know some of you have read these and seen the even-awful-for-its-time writing. Come on, I know you're out there!

[Deleted]

He actually wrote Battlefield Earth? And here I thought John Revolta's involvement in that was some kind of joke.

I've actually never read anything he's written, although I would love to just so I can see how bad it is. Is there anything online that I can skim through really quick?

[hobocamp]

I got my boyfriend to start reading Dianetics, just because I'm curious what it says but I don't want to read it, plus he was looking for something to read, and he doesn't believe the stuff I've told him about scientology from the boards and links here. He's doing it to play devil's advocate. So far he says it's just a crap self-help book. Poorly written, repetitive, and dull. What's the next required reading in the indoctrination process? I want to know when the shit gets real crazy.

[NappingAthena]

My boyfriend and I were talking about all the Tom Cruise stuff recently and he said "You know, I read Dianetics in college"
He hated it, so I'm not going to read it, although checking "What is Scientology from the library is tempting, but thanks to the Patriot Act I'm worried.

[chiqui]

When Battlefield Earth first started coming out in the early 80s (it was a 10-volume deal) I picked up a copy and tried to read it. I stalled out at the first mention of the name 'Jonnyboy.' Who the hell names an adult male character 'Jonnyboy,' even in a book set in the far future with different naming conventions? I dropped it then.

I suspect the whole thing might have been written only to create $$$ for the cult. Mega-volume SF blockbusters were very big at that time.

[ladymadonna]

I remember seeing those wierd Dianetics commercials on TV when I was little (Have you ever felt lost and alone? DIANETICS! Have you lost a loved one? DIANETICS! Are you a giant moron? DIANETICS!). When I, at age 6 or whatever, suggested to my mom that Dianetics sounded like 42 (ie. the answer to life, the universe, and everything), she was horrified and told me to stay far, far away from the likes of L.Ron. This was back in the late 70's early 80's ya'll.

I have to say that, while I could talk a lot of shit about my mom, she is one very smart lady.

[monsterzero]

Bit off topic for a sec: wasn't that part of the PA shot down by Congress?

When Battlefield Earth first started coming out in the early 80s (it was a 10-volume deal) I picked up a copy and tried to read it. I stalled out at the first mention of the name 'Jonnyboy.' Who the hell names an adult male character 'Jonnyboy,' even in a book set in the far future with different naming conventions? I dropped it then.

You're mixing your bad fiction: Battlefield Earth is that laborious thousand page 'epic' that features some retarded guy going against aliens from 'Psychlo' that invaded Earth to get all the gold and whose planet will explode if you beam uranium to it. The ten book Mission Earth bullshit is another invasion by the likes of an intergalactic CIA who practices kinky sex while the Intergalactic Air Force Captain tries to save Earth and gets involved with the Mob. Seriously, the Mission Earth series is so fucking out there that I think it's a joke on everybody involved. It's written in a way to supposedly get people into Dianetics--supposedly because I can't see anybody at all taking this shit seriously--and if you read it as purely fiction as I did lo those many years ago, you realize it's really shitty propragada that makes no sense with a shitty ending.

And Battlefield Earth? I got 500 pages into it before I fell asleep. Hubbard really didn't know how to write a good novel at all, if anything his mumblings were more against capitalism than psychology which I don't think he was going for. His close-mindedness worked against him specticularly because the person the reader is supposed to root against is really the guy you root for (yes, the intergalactic CIA guy who likes kinky sex with militant lesbian couples) and if you look at it that way the whole thing becomes an exercise in stupidity.

Seriously, I can't really describe it to say that it fails as both fiction and propragada. You'd best use it for firewood. And I couldn't even get into Final Blackout and Fear, two more of his shitty novels.

[Deleted]

chiqui said:

Who the hell names an adult male character 'Jonnyboy,'

A huge Waltons fan?

[chiqui]

Battlefield Earth is that laborious thousand page 'epic' that features some retarded guy going against aliens from 'Psychlo' that invaded Earth to get all the gold and whose planet will explode if you beam uranium to it. The ten book Mission Earth bullshit is another invasion by the likes of an intergalactic CIA who practices kinky sex while the Intergalactic Air Force Captain tries to save Earth and gets involved with the Mob.

Oh yeah, both were so bad I got them totally mixed up. I still say one or the other was written to drum up cash for the clams.

[monsterzero]

Oh hell yeah. And to be honest, I don't think Hubbard wrote all of Mission Earth either. The story has a certain amount of linearity (outside of writing like a fucking 14 year old on AIM) until a certain point and then it completely deflates. I should read it again to give it the drubbling it so earnestly deserves but considering that nobody cares about it anymore (it's one of those few books in library scifi sections that collects dust) I think I'll just let it lay. As for Battlefield Earth...shit, it's just really fucking boring.