Self-Help and Advice Books

[satellite]

sigh I was all about The Rules in my early 20s.
They do give some decent advice for a certain type of woman- i.e. my best friend- "Oh my god it's been two weeks and Mr. Rich but Not Quite Divorced isn't texting me 5 times a day anymore, so I'd better start sleeping with him right away so he'll be my boyfriend" (because she can't deal with being alone and single for even a month) Um no, attention whore.

But I find that they work on the guys you don't want because they think you're playing hard to get. The guys who get possessive after three days and have all these perfect woman fantasies. It's like- No I really am ignoring you.

[raqs]

My ongoing therapy homework books by Harriet Lerner:
The Dance of Intimacy
The Dance of Anger

[thetigs]

dwanollah said:

I think both authors got divorced within 5 years of landing their husbands via The Rules. Yeah. Who'd want a man who'd want a Rules Girl anyway?! (Anyone remember the thread about their message boards at Hissyfit back in the day...? PRICELESS!)

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Dr. Susan Jeffers (Really helped me break through some deep seated Anxiety issues

*heads off to amazon.com*

Ha! I remember that! Didn't one of the women write to or about Wing? Wing responded in an essay that was classic. I miss those Hissyfit essays. I wish she would have kept those up.

[Deleted]

I'm just glad the whole 'Secret' thing seems to have been a one month fad. Perhaps when people realized they couldn't just will themselves into winning the lottery they lost interest.

[Margo]

satellite said:

sigh I was all about The Rules in my early 20s.
They do give some decent advice for a certain type of woman- i.e. my best friend- "Oh my god it's been two weeks and Mr. Rich but Not Quite Divorced isn't texting me 5 times a day anymore, so I'd better start sleeping with him right away so he'll be my boyfriend" (because she can't deal with being alone and single for even a month) Um no, attention whore.

Speaking of that, I think Why Men Love Bitches is written exactly for people like her. The word "Bitches" in the title is very tongue-in-cheek, and the whole book has a humorous tone. I really like it because instead of telling you to play hard to get, like The Rules does, it tells you to have a life of your own that doesn't center around a man and always put yourself first. Or, to paraphrase, I could've written it

[tinyshoes]

My favorite thing about The Rules is that they tell you to "be a creature unlike any other," and yet, every woman should become a Rules clone both in actions and in looks (grow your hair long, get a nose job, men don't like women who dress "different"). Contradictory much?

[birdface]

A book that's really helped me is Self Help Stuff that Works. It's a collection of 1 - 3 page articles written by one author, originally published in a magazine over the course of many years (I think).

It's simple and I found it to be really helpful. The website has many full-text chapters from the book, plus bonus chapters. You can order it through regular bookstores/amazon/whatever.

I know I sound like I'm shilling the book, really, I'm not connected to it other than a reader of it.

[Beeelicious]

raqs said:

My ongoing therapy homework books by Harriet Lerner:
The Dance of Intimacy
The Dance of Anger

Raqs, Those exact books are on my bedside table. I don't know why it's so hard for me to get through them, probably because they ring so true.
Birdface, thanks for that link. That site looks like it's got some good reading on it.
The Rules. Gah, how I hated that book. When that book first came out, two of the girls I hung out with at the time were very into being "Rules Girls". It pissed me off so bad, because essentially what The Rules are is being someone you are not in order to win a guy over. Then what? You're in a relationship with a person who doesn't really know you - you start acting like yourself and Bam! breakup. Stupid Rules. I say be yourself, dammit!

[satellite]

Has anyone read He's Just Not that Into You? I wound up checking out the reviews on amazon and almost bought it. It seems like the flip side of The Rules.

Then there was Be Honest, You Weren't Really That Into Him Either which is saying that women aren't made to have sex like men- biologically not necessarily morally or whatever-so don't settle or jump into a relationship with the wrong guy for the the wrong reasons, according to the amazon reviews.

One of those Seduction techniques guys who was profiled in The Game has a VH1 show called The Pick Up Artist. His name is Mystery.

[tinyshoes]

And the Rules Girls don't like it if you're a "knee-slapping funny girl" either. Fuck that!