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Post by eclair on Nov 20, 2011 21:17:00 GMT -4
I really love Dave Barry's parody of Twilight. I highly recommend it to anyone who loves or hates Twilight.
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Smee
Blueblood
Posts: 1,408
Nov 27, 2005 22:57:38 GMT -4
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Post by Smee on Nov 20, 2011 21:56:39 GMT -4
My favorite part was when the crappy CGI werewolves started having a telephathic argument, complete with voiceovers from Taylor, etc. It was funny because (a) I don't think the movies ever showed them communicating this way before and (b) it was just terrible. Yeah - during that scene I kept thinking about that movie Santa Buddies (or whatever it's called) - the one with the talking golden retriever puppies that help Santa save Christmas.And yes, they also TOTALLY glossed over the "Edward chews the baby out with his teeth" part. Yeah, his mouth was bloody, but there is no explanation for it. I got up to pee during Jacob's heartfelt talk with Leah. Did I miss anything?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 8:22:16 GMT -4
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2011 5:08:10 GMT -4
I have a stupid question, but I don't know where to ask. I've only seen the first movie. One of Edward's traits is that he's ice-cold (being undead, I guess). Does he warm up at some point? Or do they just forget that part? Because any physical contact seems ... unpleasant. No they never explain that. If anything it's mentioned constantly throughout the books how ice-cold he is, and how he feels like marble. Yet Bella cannot wait to bang him senseless. Yet they never explain how Bella is this super special snowflake either, so Stephenie just plain sucks. To be fair, no other modern vampire story explains this, either. People often commented on how cold Angel and Spike felt and their blood supposedly did not move around their body, yet numerous human women shagged them and somehow their penises were up to the challenge, so to speak. In Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer sends Bella and Edward to Rio and Edward's body is supposed to be pleasant to snuggle up to when the weather is so hot. So maybe they were always going to do it in warm climates?
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dwanollah
Guest
Oct 5, 2024 8:22:16 GMT -4
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Post by dwanollah on Nov 21, 2011 8:48:23 GMT -4
Nope ennui, they never explain that. They also never explain why someone who has been dead for a hundred years still has working SPERM. Oh, and he's a virgin. He waited 'til marriage. Because he looooooved Bella and no one else! The thing I hate most is the message that you should totally get married and have a baby at 18. Sure, in the book, there're all sorts of supernatural reasons, but like that's what dumb teen readers (like I was) will take from it? The only thing I'm mildly curious about is the wedding dress and setting, because I heard it was supposed to be evocative of Edwardian era stuff. No pun intended.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 8:22:16 GMT -4
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2011 10:06:33 GMT -4
Nope ennui, they never explain that. They also never explain why someone who has been dead for a hundred years still has working SPERM. Oh, and he's a virgin. He waited 'til marriage. Because he looooooved Bella and no one else! The thing I hate most is the message that you should totally get married and have a baby at 18. Sure, in the book, there're all sorts of supernatural reasons, but like that's what dumb teen readers (like I was) will take from it? The only thing I'm mildly curious about is the wedding dress and setting, because I heard it was supposed to be evocative of Edwardian era stuff. No pun intended. I think one of the reasons Twilight works for its young readers (and women who are still pretty childish) is because it gives them exactly what they want. Young girls do think that if you have special twu wuv, then of course, you should have a big, pretty wedding. I loaned Grease 2 to my neighbour's kid recently, after the little girl saw and loved Grease, and when I gave it to her, she asked me excitedly if Sandy got married (I had to break it to her that Grease 2 wasn't even about Sandy). I suddenly remembered that was what I had wanted from a Grease sequel - Sandy's wedding, because I thought of course Sandy and Danny should get married. My favourite programmes as a kid were Neighbours and Home & Away and those two loved to show big teen romances culminating in big teen weddings (or big tragic deaths if the actor wanted out - and sometimes they got to squeeze in both the wedding and the death, like Angel and Shane *sniff*). It's kind of surprising that I grew up to be anti-marriage, considering I lapped that stuff up with a spoon during my formative years. But practically no-one in my family gets married and I suppose the influences of those around you win out in the end.
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Post by shugadumplin on Nov 21, 2011 12:34:42 GMT -4
Was the soundtrack at least decent in this one? The movies do have beautiful soundtracks.
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Post by Atreides on Nov 21, 2011 16:32:16 GMT -4
Nope ennui, they never explain that. They also never explain why someone who has been dead for a hundred years still has working SPERM. Oh, and he's a virgin. He waited 'til marriage. Because he looooooved Bella and no one else! Oh FFS, you have got to me kidding me. Isn't he like 100 years old or something? He's waited THAT LONG?!?!? Talk about a Mormom dream come true.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 8:22:16 GMT -4
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2011 20:47:23 GMT -4
I just got back from seeing it! I dunno, maybe it was the alcohol, but I liked it. I hated the book, but I think all the stuff I hated (apart from the imprinting bollocks) must happen in the second half. Anyway:
The Good:
Charlie! He killed me with his sadface. His goodbye to Bella just about brought a tear to my eye.
I know KStew was just doing the same worried/constipated look she always does, but I liked it during her walk down the aisle. I've read some fangirl complaints that Bella didn't look happy, but I thought it added to the ominous tone and (along with Charlie's reaction) drove home that Bella was doing something serious and life-changing and she had mixed feelings about it. And for those worried she's not pretty enough to play Snow White, her last scene showed what can be achieved through make-up and lighting.
There was some intentional humour! I loved the wedding toasts.
The scene in Rio surprised me by being the first American film to truly represent the ethnic make-up of the city.
Robsten were actually kind of cute during the no-sex honeymoon montage.
The actor who plays Seth is the most adorable thing ever.
But of course, it wouldn't be a Twilight movie without the laughably bad:
I feel bad that Jacob got the worst bits, because Taylor Lautner's actually the one of the main 3 with the most charm and the movie's always slightly better when he's in the scene. But the wolves having a telepathic shouting match against a dance beat looked like some sort of avante garde music video. It would not have looked out of place had they begun a dance-off.
And yeah, the imprinting. They tried, but it will never not be ridiculous.
If you see it, make sure you stick around for the scene after the credits - it's probably the best bit of the movie, because it's Michael Fucking Sheen camping it up, looking like he's having the time of his life killing people because of their spelling and grammar.
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Post by BoroKat on Nov 22, 2011 10:52:07 GMT -4
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 8:22:16 GMT -4
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2011 8:52:43 GMT -4
The Bella wedding dress hits stores.In the movie, I liked the back of the dress, but thought the material (like everything else with Twilight) looked cheap. I never would have guessed it was silk and cost 35 grand. I'm curious as to how much this wedding dress will actually sell. Surely it'll be years before the teen and tween fans will be interested and by then, they'll probably have outgrown Twilight. This has to be for the crazies who want to stage imaginary weddings to RPattz.
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