I, Tonya

[chonies]

If you're interested, the 30 for 30 about Mary Decker is also a pretty good piece about the media turning on an injured darling, although the stories aren't the same.

[The Brunette]

So I have very complex feelings about the scandal, largely due to my personal life experiences.

I was a sophomore in high school when this went down. And I was the Tonya Harding of my snooty-ass high school - like pre-scandal Harding, I was the designated ugly outcast whom the odds were stacked against. (No, I didn't do anything despicable other than being socially awkward and annoying. I simply didn't - and couldn't - fit in.)

As I was trying to make sense of my life as Tonya, in my head I cast the mean girl queen bee of my class as Nancy (of course) because she was pretty and popular and had the love of the teachers and administration. (This queen bee was a manipulative, gaslighting bully who harassed me by phone, convinced all the other kids in the school to shun me, and got away with her behavior - the school refused to believe my parents when they complained about the phone calls. Yeah, Nancy sucks, but now that I'm not 15 anymore, I'm confident she never was THAT awful.)

So, I thought, because Harding wasn't a "lady," and this was ladies figure skating, everyone immediately determined she was guilty. The media coverage wasn't good about going beyond the superficial, I think.

Even after Harding's involvement became likely, I thought she got a raw deal, because how many male athletes have done worse things and still had careers? I believed USFSA always had wanted to ban her for life simply because her looks and skating style were the wrong image for the sport - the attack finally gave them a solid reason.

And because I saw myself as Harding - even though the only thing we had in common was being outsiders in a snobby world - it really did a number on me. I believed that if she is unwelcome in society, that means I am, too.

I carried this for over 20 years.

Personalization of the scandal aside, I was most obsessed with the class and image components, as well as the sexism. I believe figure skating is the only sport where female competitors are called "ladies" while males are "men" (and not "gentlemen"). Regarding class and image, it's often noted that Kerrigan wasn't from money, but she was able to successfully play the part of a polished socialite. Harding could never do that, even if she did try, or care. For starters, she had the wrong body type. (I spent my whole life trying to change my image and I always failed, so I admittedly still am bitter that Kerrigan was able to pull it off. 😔 )

So I was Team Tonya for 20 years - then I saw "The Price of Gold." Egads, she couldn't even keep her stories straight - and that made my opinion of her go from "possibly involved - but she had a shitty life!" to "totally involved, yes ... Why can't she own up to it?" I'm sure all the parental and spousal abuse messed with her head, but it didn't help that it didn't seem like she had any smarts to begin with. I wound up as frustrated and stabby as I'm sure her coaches were with her.

I do think "The Price of Gold" was conceived as an opportunity for her to redeem herself, at least a little, but she's such a mess - even if she ever went to therapy, she would refuse to take the advice and steps to improve. And most of all, she's not smart or self-aware at all. So of course, she wound up incriminating herself on camera.

Harding's story does show how pervasive the cycle of abuse can be. But I don't know if a dark comedy is an appropriate vessel for this message. I still plan to see "I, Tonya" - even though there will always be a part of me that empathizes with her to an extent, I am uneasy that she's doing promo for it. And like many, I'm concerned about the domestic violence scenes. But I do want to see how the class and image aspects are handled - and Janney's performance, and THE PARROT!

What hurts is that I was on Harding's side for so many years, because I felt the world saw me the same way it saw her.

Finally, there was an excellent (and - a warning for many of you - quite sympathetic) longform piece about Harding in The Believer a few years ago that touched on the gender, class, and image aspects of her story; she wasn't interviewed for it, so she doesn't come off as awful/clueless as she does in "The Price of Gold" and other documentaries. I wonder if "I, Tonya" used some of that article as subject material. It sounds like it may have inspired Janney's speech.

[seat6]

Equating Tonya’s participation in a violent crime with Nancy’s perceived snobbiness is like saying “I’m sure there were some very fine people on both sides.” (No one here is doing that, just people in general).

I completely understand how empathy for one of the main chatecters in this late-20th C saga can color your opinion for years, since I empathized with and admired Nancy. I was a good girl, like her. I worked hard and wanted to achieve. (I was not graceful or bedecked in Vera Wang). I also understand feeling like forces beyond my control were conspiring against me to thwart my dreams. In Nancy’s case, it was true. She showed tremendous physical and emotional resilience to come back from that injury to compete in (and medal in!) the Olympics, which are qualities I would want for myself.

It would be one thing if she were injured from over.training or landing a jump wrong. This was a deliberate attack, which can kind of hurt a person’s feelings. If you’ve ever been the victim of a crime, even just having your wallet stolen, the outrage runs deep. Hence the agonized “WHY!!?” Who among us has not railed against the injustice of the universe? Or in this case, a sporting rival.

I have sympathy for Tonya: her lousy background, her dysfunctional mother, the bias of the judges against her skating style, body type, and aesthetic choices. I have no objection to her athletics and sequins. But her actions were deplorable.

I wonder if a movie from Nancy’s POV would be compelling? Or are we so enamored with the anti-heroine that we can’t inagine Miss Goody Two-Skates as interesting?

Nancy and Tonya are archetypes: the Virgin and the Whore, which is why they arouse such passions, 23 years later.

[kostgard]

Tonya would have been very sympathetic if it weren’t for two things - the enormous chip on her shoulder, and the decision to get involved in this crime. She had an incredibly shitty start in life, but she had people who tried to help her, and she refused it. She wasn’t disciplined. Then sat around and got mad that things weren’t handed to her.

I think a close comparison is Surya Bonaly. She didn’t fit the mold. She wore costumes and did her makeup in a way that made her stand out. Her music choices were unconventional. She was powerful and athletic and had a strong body. I don’t think her parents were abusive, but they were weird and stage mom-y and made up stories about her origin to make her seem more “exotic.” And while she wasn’t poor (a lot of her costumes were designed by Lacroix), she is black, which meant she dealt with a lot of bullshit for that (she refused to wear tights on the ice, and it was largely because they didn’t make skating tights that matched her skin tone). She had several moments where she got mad over being treated unfairly (or at least feeling that way). She seems to have a lot of silver medals because somehow the judging just didn’t go her way and went with a more “traditional”skater. She would throw in an illegal back flip in her program. But she was disciplined. She trained hard. Like Tonya, she had an athletic style and wasn’t very graceful, but she worked on that and improved. And most importantly, she was never involved in an attack on a competitor. She skated professionally into her 40s and just stopped a couple years ago due to back problems. Tonya could have had a similar career if she hadn’t effed it all up.

[seat6]

I love Surya Bonaly! I think she’s a good comparison/contrast to Tonya. Radiolab just aired a segment on her. She seems to be doing very well now. Her attitude toward competition and life in general has served her well.

[Mutagen]

Jan 9, 2018 23:13:29 GMT -4 The Brunette said:

So I was Team Tonya for 20 years - then I saw "The Price of Gold." Egads, she couldn't even keep her stories straight - and that made my opinion of her go from "possibly involved - but she had a shitty life!" to "totally involved, yes ... Why can't she own up to it?" I'm sure all the parental and spousal abuse messed with her head, but it didn't help that it didn't seem like she had any smarts to begin with. I wound up as frustrated and stabby as I'm sure her coaches were with her.

I do think "The Price of Gold" was conceived as an opportunity for her to redeem herself, at least a little, but she's such a mess - even if she ever went to therapy, she would refuse to take the advice and steps to improve. And most of all, she's not smart or self-aware at all. So of course, she wound up incriminating herself on camera.

"The Price of Gold" really changed my opinion on Tonya as well. Although I wasn't particularly Team Tonya, I did have some pity for the fact that she was relatively young and surrounded by total assholes. If she had shown even a little bit of self-awareness in that doc, if she had said something like "my mentality at the time was deeply unhealthy and I have done a lot of work on that; a fellow skater should not have had to pay the price for the toxicity in my own life" then honestly, I probably would've come out of that documentary with a positive opinion of her. The fact that it was 20 years later and she was still in the bitter, "I'm the real victim, can you believe what THEY did to me" place was stunning to me.

Her attitude reminded me of an alcoholic relative I had, where everything was always somehow the fault of his parents, his brother, his boss... it was all their fault, THEY just wouldn't cut him a break, THEY were the reason why he couldn't succeed. His own shitty choices or the cases of beer he'd drink every day? Totally irrelevant.

Another comparison that comes to mind, for me, is Michael Vick. I find his crimes horrifying, and I definitely understand if someone could not get past what he did. But at least publicly, he has totally owned up to what he did, has not gone on any "I'm the real victim" pity tours, and lobbies congress in support of anti-dogfighting bills. If Tonya showed that kind of ownership of her role in the attack, I would respect her.

And as for Nancy Kerrigan, to me she kind of exemplifies the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" attitude towards women... on the one hand we condemn women like Tonya for not being perfect feminine princesses. But when someone like Nancy manages to do that, she's a stuck-up bitch who we can't wait to see taken down a peg. Like damn, what do people want?

[Deleted]

Jan 10, 2018 9:09:40 GMT -4 Mutagen said:

Jan 9, 2018 23:13:29 GMT -4 The Brunette said:

So I was Team Tonya for 20 years - then I saw "The Price of Gold." Egads, she couldn't even keep her stories straight - and that made my opinion of her go from "possibly involved - but she had a shitty life!" to "totally involved, yes ... Why can't she own up to it?" I'm sure all the parental and spousal abuse messed with her head, but it didn't help that it didn't seem like she had any smarts to begin with. I wound up as frustrated and stabby as I'm sure her coaches were with her.

I do think "The Price of Gold" was conceived as an opportunity for her to redeem herself, at least a little, but she's such a mess - even if she ever went to therapy, she would refuse to take the advice and steps to improve. And most of all, she's not smart or self-aware at all. So of course, she wound up incriminating herself on camera.

"The Price of Gold" really changed my opinion on Tonya as well. Although I wasn't particularly Team Tonya, I did have some pity for the fact that she was relatively young and surrounded by total assholes. If she had shown even a little bit of self-awareness in that doc, if she had said something like "my mentality at the time was deeply unhealthy and I have done a lot of work on that; a fellow skater should not have had to pay the price for the toxicity in my own life" then honestly, I probably would've come out of that documentary with a positive opinion of her. The fact that it was 20 years later and she was still in the bitter, "I'm the real victim, can you believe what THEY did to me" place was stunning to me.

Her attitude reminded me of an alcoholic relative I had, where everything was always somehow the fault of his parents, his brother, his boss... it was all their fault, THEY just wouldn't cut him a break, THEY were the reason why he couldn't succeed. His own shitty choices or the cases of beer he'd drink every day? Totally irrelevant.

Another comparison that comes to mind, for me, is Michael Vick. I find his crimes horrifying, and I definitely understand if someone could not get past what he did. But at least publicly, he has totally owned up to what he did, has not gone on any "I'm the real victim" pity tours, and lobbies congress in support of anti-dogfighting bills. If Tonya showed that kind of ownership of her role in the attack, I would respect her.

And as for Nancy Kerrigan, to me she kind of exemplifies the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" attitude towards women... on the one hand we condemn women like Tonya for not being perfect feminine princesses. But when someone like Nancy manages to do that, she's a stuck-up bitch who we can't wait to see taken down a peg. Like damn, what do people want?

Exactly. And on the rare moments when she said or did something that didn't fit with the perfect princess image within range of a camera, she got crucified for it. I remember the Disney World incident vividly and how people were calling her an ungrateful brat. Meanwhile, Tonya said crap like that all the time and some of the same people calling Nancy a brat would applaud her for it. I don't blame Nancy at all for not wanting to be interviewed about it or participate in anything having to do with it. She, unlike Tonya, figured out a long time ago that she's better off minding her own business and not exploiting the incident.

I can understand why Tonya wouldn't have said anything at the time it happened considering what her relationship with Gilooly was like. But 24 years on, she's still crying about how victimized she was and refuses to take responsibility for her actions. And now she's being lauded for it by Hollywood.

[Ginger]

Jan 10, 2018 4:22:38 GMT -4 seat6 said:

I love Surya Bonaly! I think she’s a good comparison/contrast to Tonya. Radiolab just aired a segment on her. She seems to be doing very well now. Her attitude toward competition and life in general has served her well.

Surya is a sweetheart. Growing up with nothing but a weird mother/coach pushing you insanely hard to be a champion skater does not lead to a girl being properly socialized and that wasn't her fault.

But when she got older and got out of competition (and got some independence from her mother) she turned out to be a lovely person.

[Auroranorth]

I'd have more sympathy for Tonya if she hadn't squandered all the help she was offered.

[Deleted]

Can’t link to it but there is a profile on Tonya in the NY Times and it is fascinating. The author is clearly trying to make her seem sympathetic and is laying the whole she was a victim too story on, real thick. Yet every single answer that Tonya gives is rude or unpleasant. Whether the movie intended it or not, this has become the Tonya Harding redemption tour. In theory she should be able to capitalize on it, make some money. But it is like the Price of Gold documentary, when you actually hear her speak for more than 10 seconds any goodwill towards her goes away. My bet is a few years from now she starts complaining about the movie, how they ripped her off and she should have gotten more money for it.