Owen Wilson

[dragonflie]

The key bit here is "involved". I think it can be just as (more so?) damaging to have a parent who has no interest, is resentful and bitter, and sees you only because of a court order. That's why courts give the option of no visitation. Ideally yes, having two loving parents is the best, of course.


eta... haha- jinx ladyboy

[ladyboy]

But on the flip side, having a parent who is patently not interested in you is not great either. Maybe it's better for him not to be involved. And who knows* what the mother is like, or what his relationship was with her. Maybe there's something there that he doesn't want to re-engage with. I have to say, I have three kids and would bloody well LOVE their dad to disappear and give me $25K a month!

*I suppose ANYONE could know if it was included in the linked article, but I didn't read it!

[Deleted]

For me, this case is different from a woman who doesn’t want a child getting an abortion in one crucial way: the child has already been born and is therefore affected by what Owen does or doesn’t do as her father. And he’s obviously capable of being a father, as evidenced by his two sons. $25k/month doesn’t make up for him essentially sending this girl the message that she isn’t good enough for a relationship with him. The fact that he is okay with that makes me comfortable calling him a selfish asshole. I really hope that his daughter has a supportive mother and that she’ll have a good therapist when she’s old enough.

[lordofthefries]

Dec 6, 2019 13:20:45 GMT -4 dragonflie said:

Question; and I'm not trying to fan flames or anything- and I know this is a delicate topic but I am genuinely curious: What if he simply did not want another child? If the woman in this scenario did not want the child she has the option to have an abortion (and many women who do already have children make the choice to have an abortion- so the fact that Wilson has 2 kids he does see is not really relevant to me), Wilson does not... And yes, Wilson should have wrapped it up- but that is not always fail safe. He pays child support (and a very large monthly amount) without issue... I can't fault him for not wanting a child he didn't decide to have.

Wilson had many options if he didn't want to have a child:
A) Don't have sex.
B) Don't have sex with someone you aren't willing to co-parent with or isn't on the same page as you regarding abortion/adoption in case of accidental pregnancy.
C) Take responsibility for birth control. As already pointed out, vasectomy and perfect use of condoms are incredibly effective methods of birth control. Even Plan B or other emergency contraception after sex has reasonable efficacy. [As an aside, birth control being the responsibility of women in most relationships is already deeply sexist.]

The option he doesn't have is to force a medical procedure on someone else or to not provide financially for a child of his who now exists - neither of which are options any woman has either. I think it's incredibly dangerous to equate the option of abortion with terminating parental rights/neglecting all parental responsibilities of an existent child. Women get the option of terminating a pregnancy because they shoulder all the risk and costs of pregnancy and delivery which include serious long term complications and injury up to and including death. Let's also not forget that for a vast segment of the population, abortion carries a serious moral and emotional burden - one only shouldered by the person choosing it - and there's plenty of people who don't want a child who still wouldn't get an abortion personally. The option that women usually don't get is the one which deadbeat men choose - opting out of taking care of their child knowing that the child will still be cared for a biological (and presumably loving) parent and knowing that they can then opt into a relationship later.

Additionally, in this case, his daughter is definitely going to suffer from the knowledge that her father chose to parent his other children, but not her. TLDR: Wilson is a terrible person.

[kostgard]

Dec 6, 2019 14:00:52 GMT -4 ladyboy said:

But on the flip side, having a parent who is patently not interested in you is not great either. Maybe it's better for him not to be involved. And who knows* what the mother is like, or what his relationship was with her. Maybe there's something there that he doesn't want to re-engage with. I have to say, I have three kids and would bloody well LOVE their dad to disappear and give me $25K a month!

*I suppose ANYONE could know if it was included in the linked article, but I didn't read it!

Yeah, this is kinda my take away. Would I want a dad who was completely absent from my life except for the monthly check, or would I want a dad who acts like someone has a gun to his head when he's spending time with me? I think I would prefer just the check.

It does completely suck that he wants nothing to do with her. Maybe one day he'll change his mind. But honestly, if this is his attitude about it, I think she might be better off without him. Hopefully her mother is very caring and heck, maybe one day there will be another father figure in her life. But sometimes nothing is better than something and I feel like this situation might be one of those times.

[dragonflie]

To be clear... I am NOT advocating that Wilson should have, in ANY way, been able to encourage/enforce an abortion!! (my god- of course not). Of course abortion is not the same as abdicating parental visitation. And yes, the child is already born, but that's not because he agreed to be a loving parental figure necessarily. There's every possibility that he verbalized his want to not have the child before it was born. In that case, of course the woman has the right to choose either way (in every case- imho- the woman has the right to decide ultimately)- but he may have wanted zero to do with this child from the day of conception.

Yes, he should have wrapped it up, been more responsible- but he wasn't. As happens with many people in many walks of life (including my own at times)- they were both irresponsible in their sexual choices. I agree with a post above- he should have a damn vasectomy!

*** just really wanted to post this because I do not want to give off the impression to ANYONE that I am in any way advocating he has/had the right to force her to have an abortion- my god no. But he does have a right to say: nope- I don't want to be a part of that kids life as a parental figure (so long as he provides for her financially)

eta:

Dec 6, 2019 15:20:42 GMT -4 lordofthefries said:

there's plenty of people who don't want a child who still wouldn't get an abortion personally. The option that women usually don't get is the one which deadbeat men choose - opting out of taking care of their child knowing that the child will still be cared for a biological (and presumably loving) parent and knowing that they can then opt into a relationship later.

I have a real bias because I have 2 women in my life who have done just that- have had a child they did not want and in one case the father raised them, in the other the grandparents. It is sad and actually in both cases the women were utterly shunned by almost all friends and family- because for a woman to do that is so so so much worse than a man (I guess :/). The 1st case: the woman had mental health issues, as well as financial and did not want a child. The father wanted the baby. She had said child (by choice- but only because she knew the father would raise the child), and abdicated all rights other than support. The 2nd case, the woman had no financial means and the father died (she had 2 children already as well). She had the child but does not want anything to do with their life because she does not want to be a parent. Yes, in both cases sad, in both cases some may say she should have wrapped it up or even had an abortion- But I would say in both cases the child is much better off without their involvement. Sorry- it's long... just pointing to where my bias and belief comes from, in part. No one can force a person to be a parent. Being a sperm or egg donor does not make you a parent, and some people do not want to be parents (even if they already have kids)

[petitesuite]

At the risk of being pedantic--I don't see anyone here arguing that Wilson doesn't have the right to do what he's doing. And such an argument would be absurd, of course he does. What I see people here saying is that his choice to exercise this right makes him kind of a dick, and/or that if he doesn't want to be a parent to his daughter she is better off without his physical presence in her life anyway.

My mom is another one who would have ultimately been better off if my dad had never been around and just mailed over a check for $25k once a month! (And I think my sibling and I would have been better off too...ah, well.)

[Ginger]

I think all of the if, if, if's that led up to the child's birth are irrelevant. Maybe he didn't want a daughter, but he has one. And he's accountable to that daughter whether he likes it or not.

When she comes to him as an adult, will he have a good explanation to give her for his "paid child support but didn't want to have anything to do with you" course of action? That's really for her to judge, but it sounds hard to defend.

He's obviously not the first father not to be involved in his child's life, but I think it must be super weird to have a kid you don't contact, but see her picture in a magazine and she looks just like you.

[dragonflie]

I agree petitiesuite.

I think it's also coming from my own issues ;p I don't have kids- nor do I want kids. So I think it's ok to say - as a man or woman- NOPE- don't want that. This case is certainly more nuanced than that... and the child is here... and they should have been more responsible and taken measures to not get pregnant... and he should have a vasectomy. But now the child is here. And he doesn't want to be a part of its life. Am I saying that's wonderful and great- no! But... well... I think it's ok for a person to decide they don't want that. Not great for the kid- at all. But- well they both should have planned a lot better. And the kid (imho) is better off with him just giving his 25k a month.

[Ladybug]

I have known people who didn't want to be a parent or were not capable of it - but they left all their kids. They didn't say, "I'll have a parental relationship with these two, but not that one."

What's behind this? Likely he just doesn't want to deal with whatever hassle comes with co-parenting with the mother of the girl. I think they were on/off fbuddies and she maybe pushed for a relationship or thought he'd stay involved with her if he was visiting the baby. He's like "I'll do what I'm legally required to do and that's it." I wonder what is relationship is like with his other kids' mothers.

Suri Cruise can give her a therapist reference in 20 years. That's another kid who's dad can't be bothered to actually know her. Because Xenu or whatever.