Alexander

[crankie]

We saw this last night. Rented the dvd, didn't buy it! Just... wow. All the negative reviews were correct.

The first hour was kind of ok. The kid who played young Alexander had SO much more presence that Colin Farrel! Before a battle, Colin is trying to rally the troops, and all I can think of is Kevin Costner playing Robin Hood. I have no clue why anyone would follow either one of these guys as played.

mardigras - ITA. When Stone finally cut away from the first, incredibly confusing battle, the only thing that was clear was that Alexander's army was LOSING. Immediate cut from that to a victory parade into Babylon. Right.

If you stopped watching at the 1 hour mark, you missed the bizarre "9 years ago" scenes. Was Stone high when he put this thing together or what??

[Hamatron]

Ah, Alexander a melting pot of crap.

There's the craptastical blend of Irish, Russian, American, and vaguely British accents.

There's Colin Ferrell hyperventilating and bugging his eyes out as his eyebrows and Kentucky-fried mullet fight for dominance of his brain.

There's the completely jacked timeline-- Five years earlier! Later that day! Ten minutes ago! Present tense! Yesterday before they drank some Tang! Ten minutes after the Clone Wars!

There's Angelina looking smokin' hot as usual but acting up a hot ass storm, and Val Kilmer in the part he was made to play-- the one-eyed asshole.

This should make for a bombastically craptastic movie, right? It's actually totally boring! And where is this supposed Ho-yay? Ok, yeah it's *there*... but longing looks and manly hugs were disappointing after all the hoopla-- which seemed like it was Oliver Stone and studio-driven-- I remember reviewers at the time of release where like, where's the gay, dammit!

This movie blew. Really, there just wasn't anything there.

[Deleted]

DON'T RENT THIS!!!!

Friggin terrible movie. Took us 3 nights to get through it. I'm ashsamed to admit I even started watching the features to see if the "making of" could possibly be better than the movie, but of course it was just an Oliver Stone self-love fest. Booooring.

Best part of the features was Colin Farrell rehearsing fight scenes with a cigarette butt hanging out of his mouth in ALL of them.

[Mutagen]

It's times like these I praise god for Ruthless Reviews.

Oliver Stone more often than other contemporary filmmakers lets cocaine direct his films. And I'm not saying that Stone was on coke when he directed Alexander; What I am saying is that Stone placed a pile of cocaine on the director's chair and yelled "action" as he left the room. ...

[Colin Farrell] tries his heart out here and fails, fails, fails -- abjectly fails. No other leading man has been as painfully difficult to watch, no other leading man has gotten a role so backwards, so wrong. In every scene, Farrell shows neither strength nor courage nor any characteristic that makes his rendition of Alexander the Great even momentarily buyable....
Scene after scene, we are subjected to nothing but displays of pain and displeasure from Farrell. Sure, he emotes moments of bravado and bluster, but for the majority of the film, he is a screaming, bed-wetting brat. In fact, Connor Paolo, the thirteen-year-old who plays a young Alexander, is far more convincing. Far more.

In all honesty I would rather be forced to repeat the seventh grade than have to sit through any of [Angelina Jolie's] scenes from this film. Yes, they are that effing atrocious.

I haven't seen this flick, but I'm tempted to for the camp value. I don't know how many Tom Collinses I'll need to make it, though.

[Deleted]

Damn, that review TOTALLY sums up that movie.

[hillbillylover]

Yep, it's very bad. Every choice Stone made was wrong.

[Deleted]

His last name ain't Stone for nothin.

[Hamatron]

No no no. It's not even campy. You'll be disappointed and shocked as you reach new levels of boredom.

[Deleted]

mutagen said:

I haven't seen this flick, but I'm tempted to for the camp value.

It's not that kind of camp. That kind of camp would require more than twenty collective minutes of actors who know exactly how crappy the movie is going to turn out and acts accordingly. This is the kind of camp where people think they're making the Best! Movie! Evah! and it turns out to be so overly precious, long and dull that you wish it were over half way through. If I had went to this movie on my own, I would have walked out of the theatre - and this is coming from someone who has watched at least seven movies in the theatre a year for the past six years or so and has never walked out before the end.

[roxpopuli]

There's the completely jacked timeline-- Five years earlier! Later that day! Ten minutes ago! Present tense! Yesterday before they drank some Tang! Ten minutes after the Clone Wars!

Hee hee, Hamatron!

Definitely if you're looking for camp, don't bother seeing this flick--rent Showgirls instead.

Oliver Stone--what a tool. It's nice to see a director with an ego so gargantuan that he would rather insult the movie-going public than admit he pushed out a cinematic turd.