Re: Dear Hollywood...

[heavenwithagun]

Could she just trip and break her ego?

[Coffeecakes]

Dear Hollywood,

Coffeecakes again. Just wanted to ask if you can just stop it with the vortex of suck that is Jennifer Lopez. Seriously, what is she good at? I figure giving all you big wigs head. But seriously, something that we the public can see to justify her presence on our tv, mags, etc. It is not possible that she is the Latina. Gives the rest of us Latinas a bad name.Kick the bitch to the curb. Oh yeah, as soon as possible.


Lots of love,
Coffeecakes

[MrsOldManBalls]

Dear Hollywood,

Stop dying everyone's hair blonde. We weren't all meant to have yellow hair.


Sincerely,
Mrs OldManBalls

[monsterzero]

Dear Hollywood,

Sorry, no more Sci-Fi movies for you. Considering your whole idea of the genre begins and ends with bad actors in CGI, I think we can say that we would prefer the books rather than your overly pseudo-hip retreads.

Oh, and Lucas knows nothing about that. Pick up something by Heinlein or Asimov, you stupid assholes.

Love,

MZ

P.S.--Oh, and Cannes isn't some place people who have millions of dollars to spend on catering to show their shitflicks, thanks.

[kostgard]

Dear Hollywood,

Would you please let your young actresses know that it is okay to NOT look like Skeletor? Lindsay Lohan used to be cute, now she looks old enough to be my mom.

There are a few that still look their age - Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel, well, actually the whole cast of that new "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" movie that is coming out - but so many of them look well past 30. Please show the peers of those "Sisterhood" actresses how good and YOUNG they look and tell them they should lay off the Mystic Tan, the smokes, the coke, the hair bleach, and eat a sandwich or two.

And now for the older actresses - please let them know it is okay to look their age too, and that all their efforts to look "young" only makes them look worse. They do not look younger. They look stretched, uncomfortable, and weird. Nicole Kidman used to be stunning. Now she looks like an alien.

Invite all of these actresses to watch the episode of Alias that aired last week. That episode featured Angela Bassett, Isabella Rossellini, Sonya Braga, and Lena Olin. All women over 45, all have lines on their faces, and all of them friggin' hot. They look gorgeous and natural. They look a million times better than the actresses a decade younger than them who have already started messing with their faces. Please show them these lovely women, and tell them to step away from the botox and the surgeon's knife.

Thanks so much!

[jollityfarm]

Dear Hollywood:

1)When a character is intended to have a foreign accent for plot reasons, it is generally considered prudent to cast someone who can actually do that accent convincingly in that role. Preferably someone from the same country as the character, but anyone with a talent for accents would be acceptable.

2)Dramatic interpretations of real-life historical events can often be enriched with enough stuff that actually happened to make a highly entertaining movie. It is rarely necessary to shoehorn in a trite and cliche'd love story that bears little or no resemblance to actual events.

Warm regards:

Jollity Farm.

[spinsterliz]

Dear Hollywood,

A. Please stop making movies where the women are bargaining chips. You know- "If geeky teenager Bobby completes his dare from the cool kids, dreamy Amanda will go out with him." Let Miss Dreamy Amanda have a say in it, please. Most women are not idiots who will sell themselves to losers at the drop of a hat just to move your stupid plot along.

B. Please stop painting people with mental illness as free spirits who are wise, and know everything, and march to the beat of their own drummer. Having a mental illness is miserable, not freeing. And it does not turn anybody into a saint.

There are millions of other things you're doing wrong but those ones bug me most right now.

Yours, SpinsterLiz

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood,

Please take these points under consideration. There's rather a lot of them, so you might want to get a coffee and find a nice comfy chair:

+ Your propensity for giving less-than-talented actors and actresses massive amounts of money to make poorly scripted and directed movies is well known and, frankly, is some what ridiculous - offensively so in cases. Might I suggest that try slimming these ludicrous salaries down and spending the money on something else? And before you start thinking 'Bigger CGI', I was actually referring to scripts; how about paying people to write stories we might actually want to pay money to see at the cinema, rather than lame romcom / action movie retreads we've all seen a million times before? How about we make actors and actresses actually earn their paychecks for a change? After all, the rest of us do, so it's only fair.

+ Writers, you have to lift your share of the weight too, fair's fair. Instead of relying on lame archetypes we've seen millions of times before (hunky jock, gorgeous cheerleader, glasses wearing nerd, cynical cop, inquisitive reporter, etc), how about doing something different with them? How about giving us characters we can actually identify with rather than two-dimensional pun generators? And if they must be comedic, how about giving them some actual wit?

+ Now, I will grant there are certain stars who display a certain charm or charisma, and who have lots of talent. Stars who, in other words, work hard and actually earn their paychecks. Might I suggest that rather than saturate the market with an series of ever-increasingly lame, effortlessly generic movies featuring the latest 'big thing', we actually use them sparingly? That way, we don't get tired of them, they don't get overexposed, everyone wins. Seriously. The way it is now, we're primed and ready to burn effigies of Ben Stiller, and he's just one example.

+ What's with all the sequels? I know some movies have stories and characters that can be carried over more than one movie, but these movies are few and far between, and should usually only be dealt with by people who have a good grasp of the characters, the stories, and how they can be best developed further. It does not apply to any lame romcom, action flick or horror story. I mean, Deuce Bigalow - European Gigalo? Who the hell asked for that one?

Also: if it bombs, it shouldn't get a sequel. Seriously - if we didn't want the first one, the second one won't win you any favours. I'm looking at you, the Scooby Doo movies.

+ Having brought up horror films - yes, we know the monster / villain isn't really dead at the end. That one's been done many many times. How about we try something different?

+ You've gotten confused about CGI - CGI should be used to supplement a good story to realise it to it's full potential. It shouldn't BE the story. Perfect example - the Star Wars prequels. If it's just computer pixels beating up computer pixels, what's the point?

+ Seriously - ads before movies. Stop it. I don't mind movie trailers, and those still image ones of local businesses aren't intrusive, but seeing extended versions of T.V ads and ads for products I'm intrusively bombarded with already? For upwards of half an hour before the movie starts? And having to pay for the privilege? You're just taking the piss now.

See also pretty much every point made in this thread up until this point. I hope you take these points under consideration - who knows? It might go some way to helping that problem with illegal downloading you've been struggling with, and it'll certainly make millions of moviegoers happy.

I remain yours,

Dr. Nemesis.

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood,

When you can come up w/ a movie idea that isn't: a) a remake, b) a sequel, or c) based on a book, call me. Remakes are hardly ever as good as the original. Sequels are (mostly) only watched b/c people know the characters from the first movie, so they don't need to snap as many neurons trying to catalgue a new set of idiosyncrasies in an original movie. Book-based movies are fine, but they were someone else's idea. I mean, seriously. It's nice to see you using your library cards, but can't anyone think up anything on their own? Criminy.

Love,

OfBones, Bag

[angelhunny]

Dear Hollywood,

Please take into consideration what BagOfBones said. I hope to never see another remake of a TV show again.

thanks,

angelhunny