Re: Dear Hollywood...

[lpatrice]

Dear Hollywood,

Much has been made lately of your declining box office receipts. I would like to offer you a little bit of advice.
1. Every movie does't need to cost upwards of 100 million dollars to make.
2. Try coming up with an original idea every now and then. I for one am sick of seeing old TV remakes, old movie remakes, and live action versions of cartoons.
3. Stop hiring the same five people for every movie, you know what I am talking about. In order for an audience to like a movie they have to identify with the characters. Right now it is impossible for most people to see anything other than the actor/actress when they see a movie. I didn't see Mr. and Mrs. Smith-I saw Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie.
4. Quit hyping up ugly women as drop dead gorgeous simply because they have zero body fat, big boobs, and blonde hair.
5. Try catering to someone over the age of 30, or better yet over the age of 19.
6. You need to realize that quite frankly a lot of the movies you make in this day and age are crap.
7. Character actors deserve more respect, in fact you should cast only character actors in your films. They make movies more believable.
8. Less Cruise, Pitt, Jolie, Washington, Berry, Hilton, Kidman, Stiller, Wilson, Ford, etc. Those people aren't actors anymore, they are famewhores. It is impossible to buy them as anything other than themselves.
9. Try releasing movies that people want to see. I desperately wanted to see Dear Frankie this spring, and it was never released in my area.
10. Stop with the constant award shows! Stop with the $30, 000 gift bags. The average person, i.e. your audience, doesn't identify with that.

Thanks,
LPatrice

[clementine74]

Dear Hollywood,
Please put down that hypocritical, nasty, closeted fuck, Tom Cruise, like the senile and diseased dog he is.

Best,
Clementine

[Deleted]

clementine74 said:

Dear Hollywood,
Please put down that hypocritical, nasty, closeted fuck, Tom Cruise, like the senile and diseased dog he is.

Best,
Clementine

I'll second that emotion. He's not worth the $.05 bullet.

[shawnalanne]

Dear Hollywood,

Could you go an entire year without a remake or a sequel? New is good. Different is good. Stop recycling old crap.

BTW: Your ticket sales are down because
A.) your movies suck
B.) you put out DVDs too quickly and eat your own proft
C.) In general, people suck in the movie theater. I don't want to pay $30/$40 to be aggravated by my fellow movie goers while watching a sucky movie.

[speciousreasoning]

Dear Hollywood,
Please (you and stores combined) stop selling women and girls those shirts that make me want to yell, "Pull your damn shirt down!!" It's not cute, it's not attractive. It's a shirt that I can see your puffy belly and yuck.
Please also stop with the shirts that are too tight for anyone to wear. It makes people's rolls stick out and that, my friends, is massively gross.
I am a woman myself and anytime I see those particular shirts in any store, I tend to cross on the other side of the street.
And for the love of all that is holy, please stop making attractive women in movies and TV shows act like complete illiterate morons. Sometimes you can be pretty and smart at the same time, you know.
Thank you.

[spider]

Dear Hollywood

What Shawna Lane said about the ticket sales: it's not us, it's you. In addition to making far too many terrible movies you have a distressing tendency to pull the halfway decent ones from the cinemas prematurely. Sometimes it takes me weeks, nay months to decide if I want to see a particular movie or not. I need to read reviews, wait for my mother to see it and tell me if it's any good, catch up on last months movies, do laundry etc. This process used to give me plenty of time but increasingly I find that movies I desire to see in the cinema are already out on DVD. WTF is that?

yours
spider

ps. I am totally not kidding: do not pull that Penguin movie until I get a chance to see it. Also Rize and Mr and Mrs Smith? I'll get to them too.

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood:

So sorry about the slump. It would be a disaster of global proportions if your top execs had to give up the second yacht. However, I have to say that any business model that relies on treating its customers like dimwitted sheep is bound to hit tough sledding sooner or later.

Your friend,
Duke

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood,

It really is not necessary to have hook-ups in every movie. Just b/c you cast people who are physically able to start a relationship doesn't mean the script has to call for them to do it. It's really getting old. Real life is not like that. People do not find SOs in every trip to the grocery store. Attractive people do not always need to become an item on screen. There are other ways to get females to watch horror/action/etc than to give in to the Screen Stereotype that there must be sexual tension between the characters. You know what a real breakthrough would be? A cast of attractive/not-so-attractive people who are only friends, and stay only friends for the entire movie, w/ no kissing or love-falling for the entire flick.

Yours,
Of Bones, Bag

[treyother]

Dear Hollywood,

Okay so you can read books.
Now would it be too freakin much to ask that when you do a movie based on a book that you don't flamingo it up?!?

I am sick to tears of being excited over a release based on a book I liked, only to find out you ruined it.

I get you can't follow a book exactly, the movies would be too long for the miniscule attention-spans you've programmed us to have.

But don't take lines from one character and give them to another, don't combine several characters into a 'composite', and for the love of Tommy Lee Jones, could you keep the characters they way they are portrayed in the books?

Willy Wonka loved kids, yo, he wasn't some freaky-hairdo wearing child hater.

Not Yours,
treyother

[monsterzero]

Dear Hollywood,

Just because teenagers have more money than ever, there's no reason to cater just to them.

Many, many of us are over 22 and out of college (the majority of us, actually), and we'd appreciate it if you produced entertainment that works for us.

Yours ever truly,

Duskie

P.S.--You know how you're having that slump in ticket prices? That's because the greater half of this culture is too busy watching your shit come on cable so we can walk out halfway through it. Thanks for blowing your chances with everybody who doesn't wear their pants to their knees and pretends they're hip with some silly lingo.

Dear Hollywood,

Study what HBO has done over the last few years. You know, age appropriate parings, screenplay adaptations that were not dumbed down to the ninth degree. They even have some 'big’ words thrown in -- not to demonstrate a characters geekieness, and not because it is in a foreign country, but because they explored complex issues.

Sincerely,

ShawnaLanne

P.S.--And don't use the fucking Red State excuse either.

BTW: Your ticket sales are down because
A.) your movies suck
B.) you put out DVDs too quickly and eat your own proft
C.) In general, people suck in the movie theater. I don't want to pay $30/$40 to be aggravated by my fellow movie goers while watching a sucky movie.

WORD!

Dear Hollywood:

So sorry about the slump. It would be a disaster of global proportions if your top execs had to give up the second yacht. However, I have to say that any business model that relies on treating its customers like dimwitted sheep is bound to hit tough sledding sooner or later.

HA!