Re: Dear Hollywood...

[duskwolf]

Dear Hollywood:

I agree with all the above posters who are telling you to make more quality product.

It appears to me, being some sort of professional*, and highly appreciative of all the professionals in the world, including ones in YOUR neck of the woods (no pun intended), that outside of the entertainment industry, most professional fields build on things that have come before. This is why we have better forms of communication, medicine, transportation, security, etc.

But you, you don't want to evolve, do you? You'd rather use the same old formulas because they "work".

Well, folks, I gotta say, you swept up the newest cell phones when your old ones weren't enough whizz-bang for you, didn't you? You picked up on all the new medical techniques that keep you young-looking, didn't you? You use the internet for your self-promotion, don't you? All of these things come from evolution...you learn what works, you toss what doesn't.

This is why you're losing money. Because you're not like the rest of the world. You refuse to evolve. You refuse to get with the times. You refuse to leave your childish notions that if it looks good (cleavage, explosions, whatever) or if it looks bad and does funny things (fat guy trying to dance, etc.), it doesn't need to be any more than that; no plot necessary. And then you use them over and over and over again.

We like movies with plot. Really, we do. Give us more plot and less recycling of bad things and we'll come back.

Well, maybe after you tell celebs to take a pay cut, too. Maybe that will force them to actually learn how to act. And it will make your movies more profitable. And maybe, just maybe, you can cut ticket prices, and that would make everybody happy.

Yours ever truly,

Duskie

*I was not trying to be condescending; I was just trying to establish the scope of my experience.

[speciousreasoning]

Dear Hollywood;

Re: Television
Please stop with the reality shows. I don't like them. I miss regular television shows. A show with Mr. T, New Kids on the Block and Tina Yothers selling lemonade in South Chicago in direct competition with a crack house may be some people's idea of good TV. It is not mine. In fact, I usually don't have cable because I can't fathom paying for channels that are all reality shows all the time.
Please stop telling me that "Sex and The City", "The Sopranos", and "Deadwood" are good shows. They are crap.
Please stop with the violence and sex on prime time on the regular channels. I'm not a prude. But I have a young niece and nephew and they don't need to be watching that at 7 pm.

Please make a note of this: they are not militants, freedom fighters or insurgents. They are freaking terrorists. (this goes for the news as well). If one has to make a political or religious statement by blowing themselves up in Jerusalem, London, Madrid, or New York, they are a terrorist. And I hope they roast in hell.

People who do not live in New York or LA are not morons. They are not illiterate hicks. Stop acting like if one live in Nebraska (for example) and choose to believe in a different set of values, that makes one a stupid person. It's offensive and uneducated, Hollywood and I would hate to think that about you.

Please tell Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and any other outspoken actor or "artist" to shut the hell up. Especially about the Middle East. I can respect that they have an opinion about it. But I don't care what it is. Until they can prove to me that they've read Theodor Herzl and know who Haj Amin El Husseini was (and what he has to do with Hitler and Yasser Arafat), I really don't care what they think about Israel especially.

There are lots of other things I could mention, Hollywood, but my laundry is done and I need to fold it. Thanks.
Specious Reasoning
(the sort of reasoning you people are pretty good at, yes?)

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood,

Enough with the fat jokes. Find another group of people to pick on. I happen to know (and consider myself one of) a lot of women who are plus-sized and more sexy and talented than anything on your current roster.

In conclusion, not all fat people are gross, dumb, stupid, etc.

warmly,
bisonchiefnole

[Alexis Machine]

Dear Hollywood,

We get it! Anyone who shows up in an American movie with an English or European accent is evil. Given the number of accents and countries in the world, it would nice if you could branch out. How about a Canadian vilian, or Inuit (Eskimo), or pygmy? Trust me, no one would expect it.


Smooches,

q99

[heyalice]

Dear Hollywood,
As you may have noticed the critics have been very kind to you making remarks comparing HBO's ROME to a certain beloved BBC series produced in the mid-1970s. M-m-m-maybe you've h-h-heard of it. All the same, if this thing is a hit, don't get any ideas about retelling a story perfectly told the first time around.

[huntergrayson]

Dear Hollywood,

As an addendum to Wolfwood's post, please realize that the only type of people who have the patience for taking 3-4 hours to download a film or TV show are likely the people that were fans of the thing in the first place. So you probably have not in fact lost as much money as you'd like to think. Also understand that I have no sympathy for a multibillion dollar studio-slash-huge corporation losing a few million dolllars. Especially when you have earned so much on crap product. Realize that people wouldn't have to download shows if you learned that there is more than one timeslot to cram everything into -- gee, VM and Lost against each other? Three Buffy alums have the same timeslot? -- or adapted "encore" reruns like cable nets do.

Please get off your asses and distribute foreign and art films properly to more than 10 theatres in the entire country. Many of these films have become "surprise" hits in recent years -- perhaps many more would if you spent half the effort promoting them as you do the latest crap seatfiller. Start importing more actors and casting from a more diverse viewpoint, but stop giving foreign actors short thrift once they arrive here. Monica Bellucci shoulda had triple the screentime in the Matrix-es and seeing Vincent Cassell be so sly in Ocean's 12 causes me to wonder why they haven't yet costarred in an American film.

Save Lindsay Lohan. She actually has/had talent and could mature into a good comedic actress. And give actresses more chances to do comedies outside of romantic comedies. Because "romantic comedy" now means a neurotic, insecure female who has to find a man to feel good about herself. How 'bout you create obstacles beyond fat thighs and low self-esteem because turning confident, sexy actresses like Diane Lane or Ashley Judd into simpering morons does not sit well with me.

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Furthermore, do you have any decent storytellers that could give the audience some original, refreshing, storylines, and hire some REAL ACTORS/ACTRESSES to perform in these stories?!

As soon as refreshing original storylines make money and execs start to realize that the hip, young moviegoing generation doesn't care about the A-List anymore (oh, and we know who ScarJo is, a-hole producers).

[Shalamar]

M-m-m-maybe you've h-h-heard of it.

Heh. Nice one, heyalice. If they try to remake that particular series, why .... they'd really be despicable!

[kostgard]

Dear Hollywood,

I've been pining for the early to mid 90s lately (through about '97ish) - not entirely sure why, I suppose everyone looks back at the era when they were in high school and college with fondness and I've been watching my Northern Exposure DVDs and caught Silence of the Lambs on TV last night, so that probably has something to do with it.

But I caught just a few snippets of the MTV VMAs last night, and I've seen more than a few of the red carpet photos and it hit me - I miss that time period because things didn't totally SUCK then like they do now. Sure, things weren't all roses then - just look at the clothes on an episode of 90210 to see that - but back then, it seems we at least tried to celebrate things that were good and people who were talented. Sure there was crap tv and movies and bubblegum pop groups, but we all knew they were crap and they didn't get rewarded for it. The Spice Girls (who I loved, by the way) were booed at award shows. Everyone knew they weren't talented, and more importantly, they knew it too (or at least they did until they started to follow the tide and expected to be taken seriously and lost their sense of fun) and Milli Vanilli was stripped of their Grammy when they got caught lip syncing.

Nowadays, Ashlee Simpson puts a song about getting caught lip syncing on her new album and wants to pour her acid-refluxed-it's-the-band's-fault heart out on Oprah. Most of the people celebrated at the VMAs last night have a hard-working publicist, and that's about it. No talent or charm to really justify their place in the land of celebrity AND they all dress like insane hobos.

So my request is PLEASE stop celebrating crap. Please stop rewarding mediocrity. You know how we're not going to the movies as much and fewer people are watching network television and buying your CDs? It's because most of it sucks and we're getting tired of it. We'd rather watch the stuff on cable or even something some dude slaps together on the internet because it's at least original. Start demanding quality and originality from your citizens and kick out the ones that can't produce that. We are tired of them. Really. No, really.

And while I got you here, I'd like to again address the way your young actresses seem to be in a contest to see who can be the next Karen Carpenter. And it makes me wonder - who started this whole idea of Skeletor as the epitome of feminine beauty we should all strive for in the first place? You're all about sex, right, Hollywood? Your motto is "sex sells" isn't it? Well, just about all of the guys I know (and about 10% of the gals) like their women with some meat on their bones. They want curves - something to grab onto in the sack. Not fat (I know you can't even begin to conceive that), but healthy, normal curves. Most really don't want someone with a xylophone chest and hip bones that threaten to stab you if you get too close.

So why do all your starlets look like half-starved bag ladies? Why do all these 19 year olds look 20 years older than they actually are and why do they think that is attractive? Why do they do that to themselves on purpose? It's not like Lindsay Lohan got caught in an industrial accident and that's why she looks 42. And it's not like Hilary Duff was forced to spend the last month in a prison camp and that's why she's lost all that weight. Just...why? I'd like you to tell me, then I'd really like you to stop it. Because I really just want to make fun of these girls for their dumb fashion choices, but they make me sad.

Sorry this is so long, hollywood, but knowing you, you probably stopped reading about the third line in.

[Deleted]

Dear Hollywood,

Just because people like Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Micha Barton and Ashton Kutcher make it on the cover of In Touch or US Magazine every week does NOT mean that we want to see them starring in any movies get it?

Also, stop make budgets for movies so ridiculously huge. You don't have to pay actors $20 million, you don't need to give each star three trailors the size of houses, you don't need to pay for an actor's private cook, and you don't need to overdo the catering so that you have enough food to feed a freaking country! HINT: without the studios the actors can't get work. Take advantage of that power and stop catering to their every whim!

[shawnalanne]

Dear Hollywood,

Average size women are not fat. Stop casting size 10s in fat roles.