Jokes and Humor

[GirlyGhoul]

Two drunks are sitting in a bar in a high rise building. The first drunk says: "You know, we are sooo high up that if you jump out the window, the wind current is strong enough to hold you up."

The other drunk said: "Ah, get outta here! No wind current could be that strong!"

So the first drunk says: "I'll prove it!" and he jumps out the window and sure enough rides the wind current smiling and waving at his pal to come join him.

The second drunk goes: "Wow! That's awesome! I gotta try that!"

So he jumps out the window and immediately plunges to his death.

The first drunk comes back in to finish his beer and the bartender shakes his head and says: "Damn but you're a mean drunk, Superman!"

[chiqui]

What religions do werewolves follow?

They are Howl-allujahs and Hairy Krishnas !

[poodle]

Not a joke, but VERY humerous:

A good friend just forwarded me this site. It's along the same vein as "F My Life" or "Texts From Last Night":

Share My Scandal

It is just so outrageous to see what some people claimed to have done! Great afternoon read.

[aims]

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners. On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says " Come Again"...


The blonde says "no its toothpaste this time you nosey bitch".

[Deleted]

So The Who were having a problem in their hotel suite. While everyone was trying to get some sleep, the lead singer was starting to freak out, throwing furniture around and threatening the other members of the band. Slowly they came to the realization that he'd gone loco, so they jumped on him, tied him up with the bedsheets to restrain him and then took him down to the hospital for a psychiatric analysis.

"Yep," said the doctor, "he's bats, all right."

"You've got to do something!" exclaimed the other members of the band. "Check him into the rubber room, innit?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that," said the doctor with a sad look in his eye.

"But you must!" exclaimed the band, "Otherwise we'll never get sleep again!"

"I'm afraid a higher power has forbidden it, lads." The doctor grabbed his Bible and patted it. "It says explicitly, 'Thou shalt not commit a Daltrey'."

[Deleted]

"Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll be fed for the rest of his life."

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm all day; light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

[gitsie007]

Billybob goes to the Mississippi Baptist Church revival and listens to the preacher. After a while the preacher asks anyone who has a problem and needs to be prayed over to come forward to the altar.

Billybob gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Billybob, What do you want me to pray about for you?"

Billybob replies, "Preacher, I really need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Billybob's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Billybob's head and prays and prays. He prays a blue streak for Billybob and occasionally smacks him on the forehead. After about 20 minutes, the preacher removes is hands, stands back and asks, "Billybob how is your hearing now?"

Billybob says, "I don't know preacher, it ain't till next Wednesday?"

[GirlyGhoul]

Young Tommy is walking in the park with his parents when they spot a pair of dogs sniffing around. Suddenly the male dog mounts the female from behind and starts humping like there's no tomorrow.

"What the heck are they doing?" asks young Tommy.
Not sure how to handle this delicate situation Tommy's dad answers: "Well, son. They're making a puppy."
"Oh, I see." Tommy says and goes about his merry way.

Later that night, Tommy awakens from a nightmare and runs into his parents' bedroom to find his dad laying on top of his mom.
"What the heck are you guys doing?" he asks, stunned.
Embarassed Tommy's dad tells him: "Well, son. We're making a baby."
Tommy takes this all in then says: "Hey, flip over mom! I want a puppy!"

[Deleted]

Whoo hoo! Smoove B has a new column in The Onion. I get all my moves from Smoove B. You know it, baby. Now if only they would bring Jim Anchower back into the regular rotation. And Jackie Harvey. And Jean Teasdale. (RIP Herbert F. Kornfeld)

[Deleted]

"Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. "

"I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it."


Random thoughts from 25 - 35 year olds - awfully funny and gave me a few good laughs at work the other day.