Jokes and Humor

[topher]

Have a joke you would like to share?

Here is my lame joke.

A Koala bear is walking down the street. A prostitute comes up to him and says " Hey, you wanna have a good time?" The Koala Bear says Yes and follows the prostitute upstairs to the hotel room. The bear sits down.

Prostitute: "Before we get started, you owe me fifty bucks." The Koala Koala Bear: " I don't understand.
Prostitute: " I am hooker.'
Koala Bear: I still don't understand.

Well there happens to be a dictionary on the nightstand, the prostitute picks it up and tells the Koala Bear to look up the definition of prostitute. The KB puts on his glasses and looks up the definition and reads aloud:

KB: Prostitute:One who sells sex for money.

"Well see, now "the KB states "I don't have to pay."

Pro: Why?
KB: Because I am a Koala Bear:
Pro: I don't understand why you don't have to pay:
KB: The reason is explained in the dictionary.

The KB picks up the dictionary and hands it to the prostitute. The prostitute turns to Koala Bear and reads aloud:

Pro: Koala Bear, a small animal that eats bush and leaves.

So he did.

[Ripley]

A blond, a brunette, a redhead, two drunks, a talking horse, a priest, a rabbi, a minister, a dog and a piece of string all walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and goes, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

[india7]

What did the blonde say when she was watching a porno film?
"Look, see! There I am!"

What's the first thing a blonde does when she gets up in the morning?
Goes home.

A blonde and a brunette were both thrown off of a tall skyscraper. Which one hit the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

(See? Even at the expense of my fellow brunette getting splattered all over the place, that's a damn fine joke!)

Okay, time for the long one:

A blonde gets tired of always being the topic of blonde jokes. So she decides to see just how much respect she would get as a brunette.

She dyes her hair black and goes outside to see how she gets treated. As she wanders past a farmer tending to his herd of cows, she boldly walks up to him and says, "Sir, I'd like to place a bet. If I can tell you exactly how many cows are in your herd, I get to keep one."

The crusty old farmer thinks it over and says, "All right, young lady. You have a deal."

So the blonde/brunette whips out a calculator, does a little calculus, a little long division, etc. and then announces to the farmer, "You have 217 cows in your herd."

The farmer IS impressed. He says, "Okay then, young lady. I never go back on a bet. You head out there, pick out one of my cows and she's yours to keep."

The blonde/brunette happily scampers out to the herd, picks what she wants, waves to the farmer and heads home.

A few hours later, her doorbell rings. She answers it, and it's the farmer!

"Well, hello again!" she says.

He's just staring at her, like a casino-pit boss would stare at a fake $100 bill. She says, "Well, what can I do for you?"

The farmer says, "Uh huh... I'll tell you what, young lady. I have a bet of my own for you. If I can guess your real haircolor, can I have my dog back?"

[aims]

Three young bulls were talking in the pasture one day. They start talking about what they are going to do for their summer vacations. The first bull (trying to be all impressive) says...
" I'M joining the rodeo, I'm going to be the best most fearsome bull ever and I'm going to buck off every cowboy".

The second bull (not to be outdone) says...
"I'M going to Spain and I'm going to battle the matador. I'm going to be famous".

The third bull (the coolest of them all ) just merely states....
"Hmmm....that all sounds good but I think I'll just stay home and help out my dad ".

[india7]

ripley said:

A blond, a brunette, a redhead, two drunks, a talking horse, a priest, a rabbi, a minister, a dog and a piece of string all walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and goes, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Hee! That's gold, Jerry, GOLD!

A horse walks into a bar - the bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

[aims]

India ! that's my all time favorite joke! It's good on so MANY levels !!

Naked guy walks into the Psychiatrist's office.
Psychiatrist says "I can clearly see you're nuts"

[Deleted]

Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey had first pick.

[sleepy]

Aims, I'm sometimes a little slow on these things, but I don't get the bull joke. Help?

[swanflake]

A blonde and a brunette are going up an elevator. A guy gets on the elevator and the two ladies quickly notice how hot he is, but then they notice that he has pretty bad dandruff. He gets off the elevator and the ladies are still going up.

"He's too cute to have dandruff. We should give him Head and Shoulders" says the brunette.

The blonde says, "How do we give him shoulders?"

[aims]

Sleepy, you are NOT slow...it's just a really cheesy joke . ;D

See the last bull gets to help his dad out during the summer basically banging all the lady cows !! Guess the horny little guy thought that sounded better than some lame rodeo or bull fight.
Hee !

See? Lame ! And to think my dad told that joke. Sometimes he embarrasses me so bad....