Good Movie Manners Cost Nothing

[Shalamar]

'I'm gonna sue because I just shat myself!'

If I didn't think it would get me arrested, or at least put a big smackdown on my social life, I'd find a way to work that sentence into a conversation.

[Maddiemoo]

'I'm gonna sue because I just shat myself!'

I think I just shat myself. Bwah!

[rattlerbrat]

Saw a sneak preview of "Cinderella Man" last night, and I think I'll never go to the movies again. It was THAT BAD (not the movie - the movie was great). First off, there were a group of people behind me - I'd say about four of them; two couples, both in their 40s or 50s. The WHOLE movie, they spoke in FULL VOLUME voices. They were practically narrarators for the whole film: "Oh, look! This, that and the other! Oh, look, now this is happening and I'm going to put it in my own words because obviously none of the theater can see it!" And the women were bother HUUUGE Russell Crowe fans; every time he as much as breathed, they would lose their shit. Every boxing match, they would clap and shriek. At one point, I just whipped around and said, "Will you SHUT UP?" Not in me to be that rude to my elders, but amazingly, they did get quiet.

Next to me was said couple's special needs nephew. Keep in mind that the man was related to the couple BEHIND me. Now, if I brought someone with me who was of diminished mental capacity, the LAST thing I would do is let him sit next to a complete fucking STRANGER, but that's just my reasoning. Anyway, this man was fat - so fat that he was spilling into my chair. I mean "can't let the armrest down because it would cut off his thigh" fat. And he was the snortingest, droolingest shiftingest mofo I've ever sat next to - but surprisingly, none of that bothered me 1/4 as much as his dimwitted family behind him (other than having to sit very erect with my hands in my lap like I was back in Catholic; rendering me unable to eat any of my smuggled-in snacks which was meant to be my DINNER.) Ah, he also had a watch with a beeper that went off towards the end of the movie and STAYED beeping until the very end. I personally would've reached over and ripped it off his arm if 1) I didn't want to face molestation charges and 2) I wasn't afraid that the man would totally freak out on me.

But none of that topped the guy who came into the movie in the MIDDLE. Now, there's a very, very sad scene about an hour in. Russ is doing his thing, I've got a lump in my throat, and...and...and here comes this guy, walking in front of the screen. He had to be about seventy, and he's using a walker, and he is moving s-l-o-w-l-y, pausing at times to let off some hawking noise that only 40 years of smoking can make you produce. He walked from one end of the theater to the other - meaning that he could've done that OUTSIDE, came in from the opposite side and found his seat immediately. Seriously, it was fucking hysterical. I had to duck my head in my lap and cover my mouth with BOTH hands to keep from screaming with laughter (others were not so polite). All through the movie - and usually during the quiet, somber moments), he'd just let out a looooud, long HAWK!!!

Between that and my theater's new policy that student discounts are magically only good Monday through Thursday, I felt totally justified in sneaking in to see "Crash" again after "Cinderella Man". The movie folks weren't any better in that flick either. There were about three groups of teenagers (possibly college-age) there that drove me insane, and they happened to be black. Now, THIS is important because "Crash" is a film about racial conflict, and it really pissed me off how indignant they were (and vocal) about the prejudice against black people. You would've thought they'd never encountered racial prejudice in their LIVES, they were so insulted. (And I live in Tallahassee, where FAMU vs. FSU fights are legendary. If you never encoutered racial prejudice BEFORE coming here for school, you will by the time you graduate.) But when there was prejudice against non-blacks, it was suddenly the FUNNIEST! SHIT! EVER! Something about that didn't sit right with me. Don't get me wrong - some parts were actually damned funny ("We need to get a picture of me...pinning a medal on a black man."), but other parts, such as >>the little girl getting shot but not really<< or >>the Persian family's store being broken into and vandalized with slurs against Arabs - an ethnic group they don't even belong to<<- that shit isn't funny!

[marywebgirl]

'I'm gonna sue because I just shat myself!'

Oh man! That is right up there with Tiny Moist Hand and "Don't fuck with my balloons!"

[Alexis Machine]

When Bambi was rereleased in the mid-80's, my mom decided to take my cousin and I (aged 6 and 4). Twenty minutes in, my mom fell asleep. A few minutes later, I climbed onto her lap and went to sleep. Sometime after that, my cousin took our coats, spread them on the floor, and went to sleep. We didn't see the movie in its entirety until earlier this year.

[Shalamar]

Ugh, rattlerbrat! I think that would put me off going to the theater for life.

[JeanBean]

There were about three groups of teenagers (possibly college-age) there that drove me insane, and they happened to be black. Now, THIS is important because "Crash" is a film about racial conflict, and it really pissed me off how indignant they were (and vocal) about the prejudice against black people. You would've thought they'd never encountered racial prejudice in their LIVES, they were so insulted. (And I live in Tallahassee, where FAMU vs. FSU fights are legendary. If you never encoutered racial prejudice BEFORE coming here for school, you will by the time you graduate.) But when there was prejudice against non-blacks, it was suddenly the FUNNIEST! SHIT! EVER! Something about that didn't sit right with me.

rattlerbrat, I saw Crash too, and I noticed there was a lot of uncomfortable laughter throughout the movie- laughing at stuff that wasn't funny, laughing excessively at stuff that was...a lot of people didn't know how to react to it's topic and the racial prejudices it depicted. And these were adults- teenagers are probably even less adept.

Your whole movie-going experience sounds shit-tastic, but I'd like to point out that in my book sneaking into a movie without paying is as obnoxious as talking, coughing, or laughing inappropriately.

[forever1267]

As an usher waaayyy back in the mid-90's, I was tearing tickets when one Mom came in with four or five of her pre-teen girls/daughters, with tickets to see... Exit to Eden, the "wacky" sex comedy about S&M and murder at a sex resort, with Dan Ackroyd, Dana Delany, and Rosie O'Donnell.

I subtly tried to tell her that this movie is really inappropriate for kids, and maybe they'd like to switch to another one. Nonplussed, she knew all about the subject matter. She and the girls were all there to take a very thorough look at Paul Mercurio. They got what they paid for.

Photo is work-safe. Unfortunately, I couldn't find one that was un-work safe.

[rattlerbrat]

JeanBean said:

I'd like to point out that in my book sneaking into a movie without paying is as obnoxious as talking, coughing, or laughing inappropriately.

I never said it wasn't.

[lemons]

q99--What a bad father. The poor boy. In my showing of Revenge of the Sith--there was a little boy in a wheelchair and his mother asked him where he wanted to sit and after she put his wheelchair off to side, she carried him to the area he preferred.

I felt bad that they had to leave after most of the end credits where most people leaving as soon as the directors name is shown. I know this because my Dad wanted to stay to see the cast credits at the end.

If I'm by myself I will usually be anal retentive and read all the credits because I like to see the soundtrack credits if there's a song I like. (which you don't have to worry about in the Star Wars films).

And we did have a cute little toddler in the audience who liked to talk a mile a minute whenever he saw something to talk about "Darth Vader?! Yoda!! Who's that character?" etc.
He wanted to use the bathroom about five times! That's sad when my "old" bladder is stronger! Esp. for a movie that is two and a half hours long.