Good Movie Manners Cost Nothing

[meanjanine]

Why do people go to a movie late? I just got back from seeing "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" (which was awesome, but that's not the point of the post). The showing was at 6:55. At around 7:45 a couple comes in and proceeds to loudly whisper to each other. You shoudl also know that there was a 7:50 showing of the movie, so I don't know why they came to the 6:55 almost an hour late instead. Anyway, I was getting very frustrated by this point. I was enjoying the movie, and I was the first one in the theatre. I picked out a great seat, front row of the stadium area, with a railing in front of me that I could prop my feet up on. A few pairs and groups trickled in, mainly teenage girls and their moms. Then comes a family with a 5 year old boy who I know is going to get no enjoyment out of the movie. Judging by the way he kept talking during the previews, I knew he'd be the same way during the movie, so I moved a few rows up (I was too close to the screen but I didn't have anywhere else by that point). So then the talking couple comes in, and some teenage girls start running up and down the stairs, and the couple laughed really loudly at a sad scene in the movie, so I just decided to change shows. I went into the 7:50 movie, watched about 45 minutes of the movie again, and got to see the rest of the movie in pure bliss (this audience was fabulous). Laughter at the right parts, complete silence at the other parts, and after it was over, I saw three teenage girls walk out with their arms around each other shoulders crying and saying how much they loved each other. So glad I switched showings.

[monsterzero]

Your whole movie-going experience sounds shit-tastic, but I'd like to point out that in my book sneaking into a movie without paying is as obnoxious as talking, coughing, or laughing inappropriately.

I would disagree as to a matter of degree. While being a complete obnoxious asshole disturbs the whole theater, sneaking into a film without a walker and making bad hawking noises can be done with grace and dignity. And considering the price of a ticket and the shit people have to put up with just to watch a freaking film and to get the assend of humanity while doing it, I would want another movie or most of my money back. Yeah, we're dealing with a heavy ethical issue here, but there you go.

I think I just shat myself. Bwah!

Yeah, it's even funnier when you see some asshole do a header some a flight of steep steps. Enjoyment for all!

[Benni]

Last summer a family built a new house on a farm near ours and we kind of got to know these people as they have children the same ages as us. One day the women who I should mention is really tiny, pretty and seemed very shy asked if I wanted to bring our kids to see A Series of Unfortunate Events in the nearest small town. When we got to the theatre the 4 kids sat in the front row and we sat further back. After a few minutes 3 native teenage boys came in and sat right behind our kids and started hassling our kids, took their popcorn and drinks, put their feet up on the kids heads. Tatiana (who I should also mention is native)jumped up ran down the aisle said something in whatever language and proceeded to slap the shit out of those kids. I was so shocked, I just sat there with my mouth open. I could hear some other people in the theatre laughing. Then she came back smiled at me and sat down. We went out for pizza after and she never said a word about what happened with those kids.

I was telling my friend this story how I couldn't believe she would just start smacking these kids and my daughter goes Oh those where Morgan's cousins. So I guess she was putting her nephew's in line.

[monsterzero]

Ah, rehashing good stories? Then nothing beats the Epic of George:

Opening weekend of 'Batman Returns.' My mom's best friend Tammy and her family decide to tag along with us to watch the film. Unfortunately they're like the poor family in South Park in that they take in drifters to live with them for years on end. This drifter is George, a 55 year old alcoholic that's basically waiting to die. He's friendly enough but socially inept to beat the band.

We get ready and George is making uncomfortable small talk and eating buckets of this new popcorn that tastes like watered-down caramel. Seriously, the man is inhaling it like a fish to water. "I like this," he would say in between mouthfuls of rank popcorn and cheap beer that he sunk into the theater in a very old pop cup. "This is gonna be a great time!"

Yes it was.

Thirty minutes later George starts groaning and burping really badly. He tries standing up a few times to 'clear the way' and after a few comments he sits back down. Suddenly five minutes later he bolts up and shouts "I gotta POOP!" and RUNS past me, obviously in some sort of digestive distress. Unfortunately the years and years of heavy drinking have fucked up his orientation and balance so he starts weaving back and forth as he's running as fast as he can and finally flips over the row in front of us, right over some Girl Scouts there to enjoy the movie and not get thrown to the floor by some drunk with diarrhea. This doesn't matter to George who, now in a panic, tries to stand up and starts his run again, this time apparently clenching and he gets into the hallway and all is done to the snickers of half the audience.

Until we hear him shout, loud as day: "Sweet Jesus it's coming out BOTH ENDS!" And then the scream of a passerby combined with the noise of a stomach evacuation.

George is still banned from both the theater and our house.

THE END

[rattlerbrat]

Monster Zero, you win the Internet with that one!

[monsterzero]

Eh, in hindsight I realize my aversion to the cinema may not be solely due to movie content.

[Shalamar]

"Sweet Jesus it's coming out BOTH ENDS!"

Add that to the list of things I'd like to include in conversation if I didn't think doing so would get me fired. Hee hee!

[Maddiemoo]

Best. Story. EVER.

[lemons]

Until we hear him shout, loud as day: "Sweet Jesus it's coming out BOTH ENDS!"

If I had the house to myself today, I'd never be able to stop laughing. You win, Monster Zero.

[Deleted]

I'm not even gonna try to beat that with the story of my "friend" who relieved himself right at his seat and laughed when folks a few rows in front of suddenly got happy feet when his golden stream hit them...