The Funniest Line Ever

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Sgt. Major Dickerson: "What does three up and three down mean to you, airman?"
Adrian: "End of an inning?"

I love that one.

[Maddiemoo]

Mrs. Finkle: "Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell."

It's the follow-up of, "Would you like a cookie, son?" that makes it art. ;D

[monkeypox]

It's the follow-up of, "Would you like a cookie, son?" that makes it art.

LOL, I totally forgot about that part. It's been a while.

Just bumping this topic because I love it so...

Major League

Harry Doyle: "Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor."

Jake Taylor: "Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?"

Harry Doyle: "Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant."

Hot Shots!

Topper Harley: "Can you save him?"
Doctor: "Can't be sure. I'm not a very good doctor."

Jim "Washout" Pfaffenbacher: "Alpha Velveeta Knuckle Underwear, you are cleared for take-off. When you hit that nuclear weapons plant... drop a bomb for me!"
Lt. Commander Block: "Uh, Sphincter Mucus Layer Ringworm, roger!"

Real Genius

Chris Knight: "Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life?"
David Decker: "She happens to be my daughter."
Chris Knight: "Oh. Then I guess you have."

Chris Knight: "This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated."

[magazinewhore]

And, to this day, I still say (and nobody gets it):

Val: "What about that time I found you naked with a bowl of jello?"
Kent: "I was hot and I was hungry. " Real Genius

"Your ruse! Your clever attempt to trick me!" Clerks

[ladymadonna]

LOVE the Real Genius quotes!

Bull Durham:

"Women get wooly. They do get wooly.' Cause of all the stress...yessss"

"Women get WEARY. No one gets wooly. And no one gets stressed, she's wearing a dress... god I hate it when people get the words wrong!" (paraphrased, IMDB didn't have the quotes I wanted )

"The road to excess leads to passion. William Blake."

"William Blake?"

"William Blake!"

"What do you mean William Blake?"

"I mean William Blake!"


"Well, this is the damndest season I've ever seen. The Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid!"

Of course, Bull Durham doesn't really have one-liners, it's all about the actors in the scene playing off one another, but still, amazing writing.

[carrier76]

"That's the Gateway Arch! It's 600 feet tall and has an elevator that goes allll the way to the top. That's 60 stories to you and me."
"Aw dad, can we go up in it?"
"No."

"Excuse me, homes? What it is bro?"

"I think you're all fucked in the head. We're 10 hours from the fuckin' fun park and you wanna bail out! Well let me tell you something, this is no longer a vacation. It's a quest! It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun. We're gonna have so much fuckin' fun you'll need plastic surgery to remove your goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling zippity-doo-dah out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! PRAISE MARTY MOOSE! Oh shit!"
"Dad you need an aspirin or something?"
"...Don't TOUCH!"

"Vickie can I help you with that kool-aid....please?"

"...REAL tomato ketchup Eddie?"
"Nothin' but the best!"

"You call this a good restaurant? DOG KILLER?"

"You like throwing up every five minutes, Claude?"
"Clark."
"I thought so. Well! Am I gonna eat? Or am I gonna STARVE to death?"

"Oh God. The dog wet on the picnic basket!"

Vacation. A plethora of quotes. I would have posted his big funeral rant for Aunt Edna but I don't know how to spell all the words.

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The Jerk:

"Johnson, Navin R. Sounds like a typical bastard."

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From Mean Girls:

"Hi, this is Tina from Family Services, we have your daughters test results"

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Two of my favourite quotes, from Manhattan Murder Mystery:

"I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland."

Larry (Woody Allen) to his wife Carol (Diane Keaton): "I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding!... [she goes anyway] Is that what you do when I'm forbidding?"

I should include these ones in the Quotes in Everyday Life thread, because we use them at home whenever we can :-)

[proper stranger]

carrier76 said:

Vacation. A plethora of quotes. I would have posted his big funeral rant for Aunt Edna but I don't know how to spell all the words.

Classic. Allow me (with the help of IMDB) to help you:

"O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great dispair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her a break."

And then doesn't he start singing a spiritual or something?

I also love Navin's entire "that's the only thing I need" soliloquy from The Jerk. "I need this..."