The Funniest Line Ever

[phenobarbara]

OFFICE SPACE QUOTES:

"I saw the squirrels and they were merry."
Long live Milton!

From The Bodyguard:

Random woman: "I've been watching you from across the room all night."
Kevin Costner's character: "So go back there and keep watching."

[cyclonevkc]

ahhh... Milton and his merry squirrels. Milton rules.

"I've had a lot of joe jobs... nothing you could call a career. Let's put it this way: I have an extensive collection of name tags and hair nets."

I love Wayne.

I will have more... trust me. Unfortunately I am incredibly tired at the moment. This is a great thread; many thanks to katiebear3!

[hasbro]

"If the guards found out you've seen this your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats at a tampon factory!"

"Bruno is almost blind he opperates soley by touch. Claus is a moron who knows only what he reads in the New York Post."

"They introduced me to the great writters: Marx, Lenin, L.Ron Hubbard, Freddie Laker!"

"How do we know he's not Mel Torme?"

"What did you say to him"
"Nothing, I just told him I'd put him on the Montgomery Wards mailing list."

"Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm."

"This is Chevalier, Montage, Detente, Avant Garde, and Deja Vu. "
"Haven't we not met before?"
"I don't think so. "

"Do you know of any good white basketball players?"
"There are no good white basketball players"

[mostlyharmless]

How could I have forgotten Top Secret? The movie where the baddie has a rubber stamp for "Find him and kill him"!

Is this the Potato farm?
Yes, I am Albert Potato.

He was unaware that here in East Germany we use 220 volts. We found him in his hotel room impailed on an electrical device. Our surgeons did what they could but it took them an hour just to get the simile off his face.

What is the condition of Sgt Gruber?.... Well, let me know if there's any change in his condition. (Puts phone down) He's dead.

Wow, they'd have enough salt to last forever!

[aybee]

I love this exchange from Wayne's World:

Wayne: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles.
Wayne: Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne: Then it's not just a clever name.

More Wayne goodness:
Stacy: Aren't you gonna open your gift?
Wayne: If it's a severed head I'll be very upset.

Ron Paxton: As you can see, it sucks as it cuts.
Wayne Campbell: It certainly does suck.

[phenobarbara]

From Major League:

Manager: (to Willie Mays Hayes) "You may run like Mays, but you hit like shit."

[tinyshoes]

"And you're denying me this because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts?"

[loquaciousone]

BagOfBones said:

Aww, I tried to use Nevin in a PC over at TWoP, and nobody got it. Sniff.

"I was born a poor, black child..."

Heh. If I ever went to the PC thread I would've been all over that. Throw in a mention of "special purpose" I would've been your TWoP girlfriend. Even if you're a girl, too.

Topic? I watched Boomerrang for the umptillionith time the other night, and this, in all it's misogynistic glory, cracks my shit up every time:

Tyler's Dad: Marcus, what's this I hear about some girl at work got you p*ssy whipped?
Marcus: [sheepish look, silence]
Tyler's Dad: What you gotta do is flip it! Don't let the p*ssy whup you! You got to whup that p*ssy!
Tyler's Mom: [nods head, purses lips] Mmmmhmmm.

[dwanollah]

"P.S. Is grandma still farting?"

[Deleted]

"Who'd your mom marry, Mr. Rogers?"
"No. Mr. Johnson."

"I wanna be just like you. I figure, all I need is a lobotomy and some tights."

"Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place."

"Speak for yourself."
"Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language."

Heh. If I ever went to the PC thread I would've been all over that. Throw in a mention of "special purpose" I would've been your TWoP girlfriend. Even if you're a girl, too.

Aw! I am a girl, but I'll never deny girlfriends. Just don't tell Mr. Bones.