50 Shades of Grey

[Neurochick]

It's very simple. If your partner robs you of your dignity by denying you the freedom to be true to yourself and enjoy your life as you choose and to the best of your abilities, you are a victim of abuse, because when this happens, your partner isn't being a true partner, they are being controlling and cruel.

That's an interesting point but confusing. I mean if I fall in love with a man who lives in Australia and we get married and I have to leave the US, that's a price I'll have to pay to be in this marriage, leaving the US. I don't get how that is abuse.

If I'm in a relationship with someone, I can't do whatever the hell I want and not consider them. What if part of my enjoying life involves watching action movies at 3am? If someone is sharing the room with me, to do that would be inconsiderate to them.

Everything you do has a price to it, you take a job where you make lots of $$, you may not have too much free time; you take another job where you have free time, you make less money. Can't have everything.

Here's my thing. I've worked for over 32 years, that's 32 years getting up early in the morning to get to work on time, sometimes I've worked for nice people, other times I've worked for assholes, the job market today is scary, maybe I'll make it to retirement age, maybe not. At this point in my life, if I met some guy like Christian Grey who said he wanted to marry me and I didn't have to work? Would I take it? I don't know; but most of the women my age, who've been working for many years would jump at the change, because it's not fun getting up early every morning, standing in the cold, waiting for the bus, or riding a crowded subway and all the shit that goes with it.

So maybe that's why the book is a fantasy for a woman like me, who has worked their ass off for thirty years. Some women might call that empowering, but for me and a lot of women like me, sometimes we just get tired.

I feel this way, there's a HUGE difference between a man telling me what clothes look good on me, and a man beating the shit out of me.

Now, the book, what offended me was that Ana was such an idiot. I could not believe that a young woman today could be so silly, and I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about life. I was like, "No wonder Christian has to tell her what to do, she'd walk out into traffic if it wasn't for him."

[Deleted]

That's an interesting point but confusing. I mean if I fall in love with a man who lives in Australia and we get married and I have to leave the US, that's a price I'll have to pay to be in this marriage, leaving the US. I don't get how that is abuse.

If I'm in a relationship with someone, I can't do whatever the hell I want and not consider them. What if part of my enjoying life involves watching action movies at 3am? If someone is sharing the room with me, to do that would be inconsiderate to them.

If you interpreted what I said as compromise being equal to abuse, I didn't mean it that way. Going into another room to watch a movie so as not to disturb your partner's sleep isn't the equivalent of being robbed of your dignity. Neither is making the decision of your own volition as to whether a person you want to marry is worth leaving the country to be with. There's a difference between compromising by choice and being forced to compromise. With the former you are in control of your own destiny; your choices may be limited by your life circumstances, but they are still your choices nonetheless. With the latter you are not in control of your own destiny because someone has convinced you that you have no choices; it's their way only and your feelings have no value. That would be a form of abuse.

[twopfan]

He didn't say she didn't have to work, he told her she COULDN'T work and when she defied him, he bought the company she worked for, fired her supervisor and gave her his job, and undermined all her credibility with her staff and in the industry. To hear someone tell it better than me check out Jenny Reads 50 Shades.

[Mutagen]

Oct 27, 2013 15:05:52 GMT -4 Neurochick said:

It's very simple. If your partner robs you of your dignity by denying you the freedom to be true to yourself and enjoy your life as you choose and to the best of your abilities, you are a victim of abuse, because when this happens, your partner isn't being a true partner, they are being controlling and cruel.

That's an interesting point but confusing. I mean if I fall in love with a man who lives in Australia and we get married and I have to leave the US, that's a price I'll have to pay to be in this marriage, leaving the US. I don't get how that is abuse.

But, it's one thing to willingly make a sacrifice for the relationship. It's another thing if you say "I'm not sure if I want to go live in Australia" and your partner chloroforms you and you wake up in Canberra.  The latter seems more Christian Grey's style.

[DaisyNukem]

I think what annoyed me most about this book was the "princess" theme. I've had many arguments with friends about how if Christian Grey was a janitor, or an accountant they wouldn't find him nearly as sexy. I hated the whole "man looks after the little woman" thing that was going on. And the whole Mary Sue aspect of it, where Ana is the sexiest thing ever and doesn't even know it, to the point where this sophisticated, richer than god superhero falls hopelessly in love with her and buys her everything. And the fact that she's basically a vestal virgin until she meets him and then sex is fantastic, every single time. She never gets sore, or chafed or anything like that.

[ratscabies]

What I thought was weirdest about these books:

It's a three volume sex novel, and no one ever cums!

Endless examples of release-finding, but no cumming. Laughable! People should be cumming like crazy in a dirty book!

[Sunnyhorse]

What annoyed me about these books is that they are absolute garbage from a writing and editing standpoint. I get tired of people (looking at you, Stephenie Meyer) getting rich when they can't fucking write.

[Neurochick]

There's a difference between compromising by choice and being forced to compromise. With the former you are in control of your own destiny; your choices may be limited by your life circumstances, but they are still your choices nonetheless. With the latter you are not in control of your own destiny because someone has convinced you that you have no choices; it's their way only and your feelings have no value. That would be a form of abuse.

I see your point.

I also see why reading this book might be harmful for younger women. Most of the women I know my age and older don't think it's abuse but that could be because we're older and wouldn't put up with Christian Grey's shit anyway. But one thing the book does do, that no one seems to mention is the demonization of older women, which is strange considering the book was written by a woman in her forties. I agree that Mrs. Robinson was a sexual predator because Christian was a teenager when she took up with him (I think) but it's interesting that Ana sees her as a predator, but doesn't seem to get that Christian is doing the same stuff to her that Mrs. Robinson did to Christian. Also, why did they make Ana so stupid; no way a college aged woman, who'd been on her own for a long time, could have been that stupid and still been alive.

[The Brunette]

I couldn't get past the fact that AnaBella didn't have an email address, either through a Web service or through her college. I started college in the mid-'90s, and everyone had to get a university email address.

[Mugsy]

Tech stupidity seems to be a weird trope in some generic pop culture. On a recent Criminal Minds ep, Rossi makes a comment that someone tweeted something, and said, "whatever that is". Yeah, right, an FBI profiler doesn't know what Twitter is? there was another similar comment on another show this season too. Just silly. I'm the most untechy person (don't like it, don't care) but I've had email for years and I know what Twitter is.

When was this first book written? Meaning, what uear what Ana supposedly born? Not that it matters, everyone born after 1980 has email.