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Post by Ginger on Jan 20, 2020 17:16:05 GMT -4
One quote from Cameron that stuck with me from her 30s: "If I wanted to be married right now, I'd be married."
Some people know that being married and having children is their life's goal, and they pursue it with the same determination that people pursue a career. I think Cameron was saying that if she had wanted to make that happen for herself, she could have. It was her choice not to actively pursue marriage.
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Post by Beyle on Jan 20, 2020 21:22:30 GMT -4
I don’t know how exactly you’re stuck on it, but I am, too, in the following way: it was nice to have a famous woman indicate happiness and contentment without a baby. Her new story is much more formulaic. Of course, she owes nothing to anyone, is entitled to her privacy and happiness, etc. I agree, and by “stuck on” I was just curious in that vague celebrity way: was she happy either way? Did a switch flip somewhere within her cloud of desires for her own life? Like Ginger and others said (paraphrasing), there is a spectrum of perspectives and opinions. I could try to explain what I meant, but don't see the point. |
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Post by Auroranorth on Jan 21, 2020 23:05:55 GMT -4
One quote from Cameron that stuck with me from her 30s: "If I wanted to be married right now, I'd be married." Some people know that being married and having children is their life's goal, and they pursue it with the same determination that people pursue a career. I think Cameron was saying that if she had wanted to make that happen for herself, she could have. It was her choice not to actively pursue marriage. I am single and pretty much plan to stay that way. I've answered that question the same way Cameron did- if I really wanted to be married, then I would be by now. I haven't met anyone I want to give up my own space for, and that's just fine by me. |
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celerydunk
Sloane Ranger
Posts: 2,521
May 3, 2005 21:57:59 GMT -4
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Post by celerydunk on Jan 22, 2020 12:18:12 GMT -4
I find that very relatable. Not every child-free person is vehemently against having children. Some people just go with the flow and are happy with their lives with or without children. This is pretty much how I have lived my entire life. Never actively looked for a partner or children. Partner came into my life in my 40s and asked me to board his crazy train of life. I just kinda shrugged and said to myself "this is my life now". I do put thought into the major decisions of my life, but they have never been life goals or milestones I was trying to achieve. They just opportunities that pop up. (Except retirement cause I'm actively saving for that). |
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Post by Wol on Jan 22, 2020 12:32:57 GMT -4
IMHO this sadly highlights how far the pro-choice movement still has to go. Nobody asks "why did you get married" or "why did you decide to have kids" but those are choices. It hurts my heart that women here and friends IRL still have to defend their life choices. Adoption is always there if the issue is infertility so I assume that people are child-free by choice. A friend in her 30s got tired of waiting for a guy so she went to a sperm bank and she's due in May. I don't think I'd have the guts to do that. I really hope we can move past this ridiculous judgment and standards in my lifetime but I'm old so probably not.
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Post by lordofthefries on Jan 22, 2020 12:56:37 GMT -4
Adoption is always there if the issue is infertility so I assume that people are child-free by choice. Unfortunately this isn't necessarily the case, even if someone is interested in adoption. Adoption is actually fairly difficult - in the US, there's an estimated 36 families waiting on adopt for every child that's placed for adoption. It's expensive, time-consuming, and heart breaking (many families go through several failed placements prior to a successful one) - and that's if you qualify in the first place. Many people won't meet the standards set by adoption agencies (age and health are common dis-qualifiers). There's lots of people who are childfree for situational reasons (not having a partner is the most common one among my friend group), and adoption won't necessarily address that. There's some fairly robust childfree not by choice communities on the web. |
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Post by Ginger on Jan 22, 2020 13:00:26 GMT -4
Adoption is always there if the issue is infertility so I assume that people are child-free by choice. That's not a safe assumption. Adoption is extremely expensive, as is egg freezing and other fertility treatments, often not covered under insurance. And the wage gap means that a lot of single women might not have the financial resources to even attempt to raise a child alone. Where I live in Massachusetts, there are many, many reasons why the state may block an adoption. I know a single woman who couldn't adopt because she was in her 40s (too old, even though the law doesn't state an age limit) and overweight (didn't meet the "health" requirement, also undefined by law). And sadly, as I get older I realize more and more that a lot of people don't end up where they want to be in life. I know fellow women in their 40s who wanted to be married and have children, and are disappointed that they aren't. It's not always about choice. |
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Post by Auroranorth on Jan 22, 2020 20:53:45 GMT -4
IMHO this sadly highlights how far the pro-choice movement still has to go. Nobody asks "why did you get married" or "why did you decide to have kids" but those are choices. It hurts my heart that women here and friends IRL still have to defend their life choices. Adoption is always there if the issue is infertility so I assume that people are child-free by choice. A friend in her 30s got tired of waiting for a guy so she went to a sperm bank and she's due in May. I don't think I'd have the guts to do that. I really hope we can move past this ridiculous judgment and standards in my lifetime but I'm old so probably not. I should add that the last time someone asked me this was probably two years ago. I can't remember the time before it. Most people in my set have accepted my spinsterdom and keep their traps shut. |
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horseface
Lady in Waiting
Posts: 486 
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Post by horseface on Jan 22, 2020 21:29:20 GMT -4
IMHO this sadly highlights how far the pro-choice movement still has to go. Nobody asks "why did you get married" or "why did you decide to have kids" but those are choices. It hurts my heart that women here and friends IRL still have to defend their life choices. Adoption is always there if the issue is infertility so I assume that people are child-free by choice. A friend in her 30s got tired of waiting for a guy so she went to a sperm bank and she's due in May. I don't think I'd have the guts to do that. I really hope we can move past this ridiculous judgment and standards in my lifetime but I'm old so probably not. I should add that the last time someone asked me this was probably two years ago. I can't remember the time before it. Most people in my set have accepted my spinsterdom and keep their traps shut. I am an "older" solo mum born to older parents. My parents had me at 44 and I had kid one at 40 and kid two at 44. Far more people had opinions and questions than I expected. People have asked me, "Are they yours or did you adopt them?" "Why aren't you married?" A particularly nosy daycare worker informed me that I "had better not have any more." This was AFTER she asked me, "did you have eggs put in you or something?" (Yes we left that place, because she was so obnoxious.) And the pediatrician asked my age and then asked my tired post birth arse why I waitee so long to start my family. Parenting is hard enough without all of that, and I am a normal person. I can only imagine being famous and having people giving their input. Also, I could be wrong, but it seems to be that when one is not the quintessential "typical family" others tend to feel entitled to weigh in and "help." Your milage may vary on this, but I certainly felt pressured. I can totally understand Cameron not saying too much. |
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Post by mrspickles on Jan 22, 2020 21:37:46 GMT -4
I should add that the last time someone asked me this was probably two years ago. I can't remember the time before it. Most people in my set have accepted my spinsterdom and keep their traps shut. I am an "older" solo mum born to older parents. My parents had me at 44 and I had kid one at 40 and kid two at 44. Far more people had opinions and questions than I expected. People have asked me, "Are they yours or did you adopt them?" "Why aren't you married?" A particularly nosy daycare worker informed me that I "had better not have any more." This was AFTER she asked me, "did you have eggs put in you or something?" (Yes we left that place, because she was so obnoxious.) And the pediatrician asked my age and then asked my tired post birth arse why I waitee so long to start my family. Parenting is hard enough without all of that, and I am a normal person. I can only imagine being famous and having people giving their input. Also, I could be wrong, but it seems to be that when one is not the quintessential "typical family" others tend to feel entitled to weigh in and "help." Your milage may vary on this, but I certainly felt pressured. I can totally understand Cameron not saying too much. I'm so sorry to read this. My youngest is 13 years younger than my oldest and I find it incredibly rude when people ask me (in front of the gherkin) whether she was an accident. How do you anser that? |
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