The Etiquette Thread

[marywebgirl]

My first big indicator that I had married the right man was that he did most of the thank-you notes. He graduated from med school right after we got back from our honeymoon and had a free month before he started his residency, while I was working, so it just made sense that he do it.

[Deleted]

Here's just about the rudest wedding etiquette I ever had experience with. This semi-friend of my cousin had a brother, and introduced my cousin to the brother. They hit it off and eventually got married. While my cousin was initially planning the wedding, the semi-friend said, "You know, you're the bride and can choose whoever you want as your Maid of Honor. But I've got to tell you, I introduced you two and I'd be really, really hurt if you didn't pick me."

Now, first of all, my cousin really didn't like this woman too much, and marrying her brother didn't change that too much. Second, she'd already decided her best friend would be Maid of Honor. But guess what? That b***h guilted her into it and she made her Maid of Honor.

I can't imagine the gall it would take to inform the Bride to Be that you deserve, above all others, to be the Maid of Honor (or any other member of the party, for that matter).

[anne]

I had somewhat the opposite of that happen to me. When my best friend got married, she asked another friend to be the maid-of-honor. I was relieved, because it meant I didn't have to take on the additional responsibilities, but this friend must have apologized twenty times to me for not choosing me. I couldn't figure out a way to say "I don't mind. I didn't WANT the job" As it turned out, the maid-of-honor did a horrible job, and I eneded up doing most of the heavy lifting (took the bride to get her hair done, resolved last minute crises the morning of the wedding, etc) But I didn't have to throw any sort of party for her, got to ride in the limo with most of the wedding party having fun rather than with just the bride and groom and best man being bored, and it was all fine by me!

[Deleted]

I can't imagine the gall it would take to inform the Bride to Be that you deserve, above all others, to be the Maid of Honor (or any other member of the party, for that matter).

That was so wrong! Despite the fact that Mom was Bridezilla galore, she did not dictate to me who should have been in my wedding party. That would have been taking it way too far.


I was Matron of Honor at my favorite cousin's wedding. Her Maid was a complete flake and I did the lion's share of the work. I didn't complain at all because I wanted my cousin to have a good day despite the laziness of her best friend.

[Deleted]

I love this thread! My mom is an etiquette-junkie, and loves to read the big etiquette manuals. I'd like to get her a modern book this year as one of her Hanukkah presents. Any ideas? She's very young at heart and computer-savvy, and I think she'd really like one.

[batmom]

I have a Miss Manners book and it is geared towards etiquette in the modern world. I couldn't find it on amazon, but here are others. I love her. She's very funny, too, in a drole way.

[heyalice]

There is a new book out by Lynn Truss who wrote EATS, SHOOTS & LEAVES. This one is called TALK TO THE HAND:The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door. I just picked it up myself.

[zivvie]

Okay, here's one: As an actress, I've done a lot of shows, and while I do my best in all of them, I know not all of them have been great shows. So last night I went to see a play that has several people I know involved as cast & crew. Honestly? The production was really not very good. The production was obviously a vanity production for the main actress. She performed like she was some grande dame of the theatre (think Jon Lovitz's "Actor!" character from SNL) and the play was very modern; the directing was uneven, and I just did not like the script at all (I got what "the big secret" was about a minute after the play started). So...I have to face these people in the near future, both professionally and personally. They are genuinely nice people, have taken quite a liking to me, and may want me to work with their group (for the last part I may just find myself "otherwise engaged:). How do I evade - um, not discuss my dislikes of the show and not alienate them without blatantly lying through my teeth?

[batmom]

How do I evade - um, not discuss my dislikes of the show and not alienate them without blatantly lying through my teeth?

Try to find something that you genuinely did like (think hard), but otherwise stick to generalities. "It was a unique production. I especially liked the way the costume designer used red shoelaces. It's details like that that really set your production apart." Or something like that.

[sleepy]

I'm in a bit of a hairy situation, friendshipwise. Friend A had a falling out with two of my other friends and me. I have since patched things up with Friend A, but the other two have not. This leads to awkward social situations, as I will not pretend to my other two friends that Friend A and I have not made nicey-nice, and I will not pretend to Friend A that I am not still friends with the other two.

Which is better etiquette: to avoid the subject entirely, even if it means giving vague responses to my friends (and then risk being seen as a two-face), or being nonchalant about mentioning that I spent the afternoon with so-and-so (and then risk being seen as insensitive)?

If etiquette is designed to make people feel more comfortable, then which situation would make all parties here more comfortable?

Gah, I feel like I'm in high school. This is ridiculous.