Jokes and Humor

[marywebgirl]

This is one of my priest's favorites:

A man runs into St. Patrick's Cathedral and up to the priest. He says "Father! Jesus Christ is walking down 5th Avenue! What should we do?"

The priest answered, "Act busy."

[bossyboots]

Seen on a t-shirt today: "It's funny until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious." I admit it -- I smiled to myself.

One of our company's VPs has a bumper sticker on her car that says something along the lines of: "Buckle Up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car."

[Brookie]

A friend of mine just sent me this:

Money exchange
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the money exchange window at the local bank.

Short line, just one guy in front of me.

He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla of yen; today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations".

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you gay guys, too!"

[glitterbug]

Cyclone, that interrupting cow joke is one of my all-time favourites. Thanks for reminding me!!

The only ones I can think of are:

What do you say to an Arts graduate?
Big Mac and Fries, please.

and

What do polar bears order in MacDonalds?
Brrr-Grrrrrs (again, sounds funnier when spoken. If you're drunk.)

[defaultusername]

What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband on the night of January 27, 1986? “You feed the dog, I’ll feed the fish.” (My father likes to tell me that joke, even though it’s mean.)

[PearlySweetcake]

Q: How many George W. Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its condition is improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims its ego. Why do you hate freedom?

[india7]

defaultusername said:

What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband on the night of January 27, 1986? “You feed the dog, I’ll feed the fish.” (My father likes to tell me that joke, even though it’s mean.)

It's okay, I heard a couple of really rude ones about her too..

Q: What's McDonald's newest menu item in honor of the Space Shuttle Challenger?
A: Christa McNuggets

Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words?
A: "What's this button do?"

[Deleted]

As far as the Challenger disaster is concerned I remember this one:

Q: Why do the engineers at NASA drink Coke?
A: "Because they couldn't get 7Up."

This one is courtesy of Terry Pratchett, he told it yesterday at an event:

A man walks into a pub carrying an alligator under his arm. He puts the alligator down on the bar and says: "Watch this. I bet you nobody will repeat this." He drops his trousers and inserts his privates into the alligator's mouth, then hits the alligator hard on the head. The jaws snap shut and there is awince from the man. Then he looks around and says: "I bet nobody wants to repeat that. Any takers?" A little lady at the back of the pub gets up and says: "OK, I will do it, but you have to promise not to hit me too hard."

[starskin]

This is a knock knock joke that really only works for super music geeks or music majors:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's THERE?

.......Phillip Glass.


I'll leave now.

[petals]

okolobaloba said:

This one is courtesy of Terry Pratchett, he told it yesterday at an event:

Now you're just rubbing it in!

_{okolobaloba got to see Pratchett--mumble, mumble}

Joke? Yeah, I got nothing.