Post by Ridha on Dec 21, 2021 0:48:46 GMT -4
I agree with the above; it was the rejection of her - by *Him* - that hurt in those situations not the loss of Big. Imo Carrie did not “love” Big as such, he was a perma-crush who she wanted perma-validation from, who she happened to marry. If I met Aiden and Big in real life (well in the original) I would recognise Aiden as the nicer person and probably could grow to love that personality but I wouldn’t be too interested in impressing him. I WOULD want to impress Big though (I don’t know that there was much to love though?), while still recognising that he was not the kind, good person Aiden was.
I have a few “cool” “hard to impress” figures like that in my life; an uncle, a former friend from school (who now that I look back was not quite a Bully to me in the classic sense but certainly was a Frenemy dynamic, with a touch of Mean Girl in her). If I’m honest their personalities are just such where although I can tell they’re not the nicest people in the world (not overtly mean either I don’t mean, at least not my uncle, just real life Big types), they are, even scattered in different countries and we’re only in contact occasionally, a bit of a impress-yardstick. Not I hope that I let on, certainly with Frenemy I’m quite aloof when I meet her, to my complete cringe I think my uncle has picked up on it, but yes I can’t deny that I have a bit of What Would X Think of this going on either. They’re both the “popular in school” types, as, almost certainly, was Big; urbane, witty, always seem to have something in their personalities that others want to somewhat seek their “cool stamp” from, and I see others to some extent having a similar dynamic with each. I could see feeling humiliated and effected for a long time in the event of a fall-out from either, however I don’t have love or affection for either, and would not be griefstricken if either were to die tomorrow. It would feel intensely weird/empty though, in the way of, having no one whose good opinion you’re invested in because you’re comfortable with the rest of people in your life whatever good or bad happens.
Anyway that’s my Psych 101 take on it. I think Big was that for Carrie; the cool guy who was kinda mean to her in school, who, even if she hadn’t married would have been the one whose What Would Big Think would be at the back of her mind with a new job win, relationship win, etc. And I imagine there’s absolutely an emptiness and a rudderless feel that comes with the loss of him/that, but its not the same as the loss of good person you love.
I have a few “cool” “hard to impress” figures like that in my life; an uncle, a former friend from school (who now that I look back was not quite a Bully to me in the classic sense but certainly was a Frenemy dynamic, with a touch of Mean Girl in her). If I’m honest their personalities are just such where although I can tell they’re not the nicest people in the world (not overtly mean either I don’t mean, at least not my uncle, just real life Big types), they are, even scattered in different countries and we’re only in contact occasionally, a bit of a impress-yardstick. Not I hope that I let on, certainly with Frenemy I’m quite aloof when I meet her, to my complete cringe I think my uncle has picked up on it, but yes I can’t deny that I have a bit of What Would X Think of this going on either. They’re both the “popular in school” types, as, almost certainly, was Big; urbane, witty, always seem to have something in their personalities that others want to somewhat seek their “cool stamp” from, and I see others to some extent having a similar dynamic with each. I could see feeling humiliated and effected for a long time in the event of a fall-out from either, however I don’t have love or affection for either, and would not be griefstricken if either were to die tomorrow. It would feel intensely weird/empty though, in the way of, having no one whose good opinion you’re invested in because you’re comfortable with the rest of people in your life whatever good or bad happens.
Anyway that’s my Psych 101 take on it. I think Big was that for Carrie; the cool guy who was kinda mean to her in school, who, even if she hadn’t married would have been the one whose What Would Big Think would be at the back of her mind with a new job win, relationship win, etc. And I imagine there’s absolutely an emptiness and a rudderless feel that comes with the loss of him/that, but its not the same as the loss of good person you love.
