Horrible Song Lyrics

[speciousreasoning]

Patrick Swaze's "She's Like the Wind"
"She's like the wind through my tree"
And what kind of tree are you, Patrick?

Oh and the entire song "Summer of '69" is so stupid. I really doubt Bryan Adams was old enough for any of that in 1969, unless, of course, it's the other meaning of "'69" that he's going for.

[Shalamar]

Yeah, Bryan Adams was born in 1959, so he must've been a helluva precocious 10-year-old.

[roxpopuli]

Patrick Swaze's "She's Like the Wind"
"She's like the wind through my tree"
And what kind of tree are you, Patrick?

See, he's got this tree in his yard, and just when the acid takes hold he thinks he sees this girl breaking a fart in the branches. It could happen!

Really, the R. Kelly lyrics are rancid. When you consider he is on a video pissing on a minor, however, they seem almost tame by comparison. Yea, come out of that closet and admit that you are a scumbag.

I was gonna rant on the lyrics to Alanis Morrisette's Ironic, until I found this definition:

3 a (1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result.

If you look at it that way, the words

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would have thought? It figures

actually seem less stupid. But not much. I mean, couldn't you have checked the weather to see if was gonna rain? You got good advice--was it normal for you to ignore it? And it's not ironic if you pay for a free ride--it's stupid--get your money back!

[gibby]

Elton John's "Goodbye, Norma Jean" is beyond silly. It is so stupid, it hurts.

[carrier76]

I don't really have a problem w/ "Candle in the Wind." I actually always thought the lyrics of that were really good.

[dwanollah]

I can see it sounding stupid, actually. But then again, I hate most schmaltzy, supposed-to-be-touching songs anyway, so I ain't 'zackly objective.

And speaking of which, I was remembering a couple schmaltzers that used to make my ears curdle. First, Vanessa Williams, "Save the Best for Last":

Sometimes the snow comes down in June. Sometimes the sun goes round the moon.

Er. No it doesn't. Not ever. And even if it did, what does that have to do with the idea of "saving the best for last"? Please don't try to be deep, dear.

Second, Toad the Wet Sprocket, from some song whose name I never can remember:

Flesh becomes water, wood becomes bone

Unparallel. Either both human things should become natural elements, or both natural elements should become human. Gads, that bugged the crap out of me!

[gibby]

carrier76 said:

I don't really have a problem w/ "Candle in the Wind." I actually always thought the lyrics of that were really good.

I think the worst line in it is "I would have like to have known you, but I was just a kid" that is just so corny.

[underjoyed]

Elton John's "Goodbye, Norma Jean" is beyond silly. It is so stupid, it hurts.

And then, IMHO, he outdid himself on those when he changed the lyrics into the even more painful, schmaltzy, tooth-rottingly sweet, pool of treacle that is the "Goodbye England's Rose" Princess Di tribute song.

Maybe, being British, I should feel more sentimental, but these? Seriously?

"Goodbye England's rose
From a country lost without your soul
Who'll miss the wings of your compassion
More than you'll ever know"

I'd heard that "hope is the thing with feathers", but it never occurred to me that compassion is the thing with wings. Anyway, wouldn't you miss the compassion itself, rather than the wings of it? And more to the point, wouldn't it stand to reason that people would miss it "more than she'd ever know"? On account of her being, um, dead? Anything anyone does from now on is, by definition, more than she'll ever know.

I'll turn in my passport before I'm touched by the pathos of those lines. (Anyway, I'd still have the Canadian one left.)

[Auroranorth]

Vanessa Williams, "Save the Best for Last":

Sometimes the snow comes down in June. Sometimes the sun goes round the moon.

Er. No it doesn't. Not ever. And even if it did, what does that have to do with the idea of "saving the best for last"? Please don't try to be deep, dear.

Since the seasons are reversed below the equator, you could get snow in June down south. Not likely in the US, though, even in Alaska.

However, when the sun starts circling the moon, I'm calling a priest. And my mom.

"Goodbye, England's Rose" had me wondering who he would immortalize next. Princess Margaret? The Queen Mother? Katherine Hepburn?

[Shalamar]

Heh. Yeah, I was about to say "No snow in June, not ever? Evidently you've never been to Winnipeg."

I always hated Elton's delivery of that "I was just a kid" line - he pronounces it "keeeeed".