Advice Columns

[chonies]

May 14, 2018 22:56:12 GMT -4 seat6 said:

May 14, 2018 19:40:36 GMT -4 sobe said:

Not to get into politics, but I recall a podcast episode (This American Life?) that featured journalists who did a deep dive into the Hilary email "scandal," and one of the reasons Hilary's people set up the external server was so she could get emails on her phone because she didn't know how to work a desktop computer. She and Bill came up before computers were an inescapable part of life, and then he became governor/president and they had people to do computer things for them.

I do know people who don’t know how to use Word, but they are all male Baby Boomers who are afflicted with learned helplessness.

Yep--several years ago, I was at a college where some male, boomer-aged tenured professors had been fired. There was a huge kerfuffle because a lot of people thought they were fired unjustly ("tenure!!!"...but that's not how it works, sigh) all across campus. Nevermind that they had committed actual crimes, their home departments seemed rather unruffled by the whole thing. I found out later that they were jerks who could never bother to learn to use Word, could barely manage email, and often took undue credit. They would have been in their 50s about this time.

[mojogirl]

May 14, 2018 19:40:36 GMT -4 sobe said:

May 12, 2018 13:06:47 GMT -4 seat6 said:

Wow, that situation, if real, is wacko. The part I found hard to believe is that the boss didn’t know how to use Word!

Not to get into politics, but I recall a podcast episode (This American Life?) that featured journalists who did a deep dive into the Hilary email "scandal," and one of the reasons Hilary's people set up the external server was so she could get emails on her phone because she didn't know how to work a desktop computer. She and Bill came up before computers were an inescapable part of life, and then he became governor/president and they had people to do computer things for them.

I just don't understand how you are able to use your phone but not a desktop. We're not talking about a unix server. You click on the mail icon and then click on the email. I actually find the mobile interface more annoying because I am a cranky Gen-Xer.

[Deleted]

One of the few details I remember from the Hillary's email "scandal" was that she messaged Adebin to ask what time West Wing (I think it was) comes on. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I think google is probably THE MOST SIMPLE an interface can get! But I guess people can easily become VERY dependent when they get the opportunity.

[Metizia]

I just found out she has been acting in hardcore pornographic videos for the last year, distributed by one of (what I understand is) the biggest production companies in that business. There were 10 pages of her videos when I Googled her stage name.

Absolutely bizarre twist of fate, my eye! This person was looking at porn on purpose! Amy should have pointed out the reader's hypocrisy.


"I am shocked and disgusted! Let me look up everything I can!" If I'm shocked and disgusted by something I'll just close the windown. If it were something criminal I would contact the authorities.

[Mutagen]

Ask A Manager weighs in on "passive aggressive" office notes. The comments are a bit of a ride. Admittedly I fall on the side of not really caring about notes, but it always surprises me that apparently putting up a note about anything, ever, regardless of tone, is considered "passive aggressive" and a grave offense to some people.  Not talking about outright rude notes of course, but people getting offended by "Please clear your dishes out of the sink" is just... so odd to me.

[Deleted]

The comments were definitely a mixed bag. One commented kept insisting that all such notes were offensive because she "is not a child" and therefore doesn't need to be told what to do. Personally I think it depends on the context and what the note actually says. Some are indeed passive aggressive, but I think most such noes are just helpful reminders.

[Deleted]

I think people confuse "passive" with "passive-aggressive."

[Mutagen]

Jan 15, 2019 11:47:52 GMT -4 @roisin54 said:

The comments were definitely a mixed bag. One commented kept insisting that all such notes were offensive because she "is not a child" and therefore doesn't need to be told what to do. Personally I think it depends on the context and what the note actually says. Some are indeed passive aggressive, but I think most such noes are just helpful reminders.

Yeah, I found it really weird how personally some people seemed to take the notes.

I used to work at an office where there had apparently been major Coffee Wars in the past, because the wall by the coffee machine was plastered in notes. One note said something like "if you don't know how to make coffee, as pathetic as that may be, ask someone." (Then another person had scratched out "as pathetic as that may be" but not enough to prevent you from reading it!) I'm not even sure if that qualifies as "passive" aggressive, that's getting into aggressive-aggressive territory... anyway, I totally understand being rankled by notes like that, but calling very plain direct reminders "passive aggressive" is just odd to me.

[laurenj]

Jan 15, 2019 11:47:52 GMT -4 @roisin54 said:

The comments were definitely a mixed bag. One commented kept insisting that all such notes were offensive because she "is not a child" and therefore doesn't need to be told what to do. Personally I think it depends on the context and what the note actually says. Some are indeed passive aggressive, but I think most such noes are just helpful reminders.

Why do I suspect that the person who takes such offense to the notes is one of the people doing the things that those notes were about?

Much as people want to talk about "we're all adults," my years of office life were full of sinks of dirty dishes, unflushed toilets (and other assorted bathroom grossness), empty coffeepots during peak coffee-drinking hours, and food left in the fridges for months until someone cleaned them out. So notes to remind people of things they should already know never really bothered me.

My worst passive-aggressive move experience was this time where I tripped and spilled my coffee in the hallway. The admin came in as I was trying to wipe it up and waved me off, or so I thought. Apparently, she had NOT and was running around the office pitching a fit. She then proceeded to set up giant orange cones around the coffee spill...in a carpeted hallway. Clearly, a damp carpet was a HUGE hazard in an office of shoe-clad people.

I was fairly neutral about this woman until that point, I couldn't stand her after that. So passive-aggressive bullshit can be bad for inter-office relations, but I don't think general signs directed at everyone are in that category.

[addison]

Thought this was a really interesting article on what it's like to be an Internet advice columnist - it includes ask a manager, Captain Awkward, Dear Prudence and a few others. I liked that it linked to the letters they discussed.