Mayim Bialik

[narm]

I think one of the main problems with a parenting style like attachment parenting (besides anecdotal evidence of children struggling to function independently, which BTW I have seen too) is that it just seems so rife with opportunity for mom (thus:woman) blaming. At its most extreme, it's got to be an exhausting way to live. And since it is such a huge undertaking, opportunity for "failure" is just too possible. Like, letting your kid cry for a minute or so out of necessity (because you are in the bathroom, not even like "cry it out" or whatever) is going to permanently injure your child and relationship!

Like I mentioned in another thread, I let a lot of the AP stuff inform some of my decision making as a new mom, but ultimately, I got pretty annoyed with all of the pressure on the mom. I read a ton of Dr. Sears's stuff and he really began to grate with all his expectations of mothers. I don't regret things I did do, though, and I think I have rad kids. But I drew the line at some of the more extreme AP things.

Ultimately (and I read a TON of parenting books), there is way too much right vs. wrong and *guilt* to be had in that arena. It can actually be pretty anti-feminist, IMO. But I tend to be a Cafeteria ala carte type person in general, and tend to avoid subscribing to just one theory or idea. Attachment Parenting did have me kinda hooked, albeit briefly. It just seems so cuddly! And that is intoxicating for a crazy new mama.

Ah, who knew I'd ever have so much to say about Blossom? I do love me some Kveller and follow it, shiksa that I am!

[Beyle]

Apr 1, 2014 23:42:52 GMT -4 narm said:

I think one of the main problems with a parenting style like attachment parenting (besides anecdotal evidence of children struggling to function independently, which BTW I have seen too) is that it just seems so rife with opportunity for mom (thus:woman) blaming. At its most extreme, it's got to be an exhausting way to live. And since it is such a huge undertaking, opportunity for "failure" is just too possible. Like, letting your kid cry for a minute or so out of necessity (because you are in the bathroom, not even like "cry it out" or whatever) is going to permanently injure your child and relationship!

Like I mentioned in another thread, I let a lot of the AP stuff inform some of my decision making as a new mom, but ultimately, I got pretty annoyed with all of the pressure on the mom. I read a ton of Dr. Sears's stuff and he really began to grate with all his expectations of mothers. I don't regret things I did do, though, and I think I have rad kids. But I drew the line at some of the more extreme AP things.

Ultimately (and I read a TON of parenting books), there is way too much right vs. wrong and *guilt* to be had in that arena. It can actually be pretty anti-feminist, IMO. But I tend to be a Cafeteria ala carte type person in general, and tend to avoid subscribing to just one theory or idea. Attachment Parenting did have me kinda hooked, albeit briefly. It just seems so cuddly! And that is intoxicating for a crazy new mama.

Ah, who knew I'd ever have so much to say about Blossom? I do love me some Kveller and follow it, shiksa that I am!

I'm not a parent. I've never had the desire. For the most part, parents can raise their children however they see fit, so long as they're not abusing their children.

That said I think there are too many helicopter parents. My parents weren't overly affectionate with me or my sister. We didn't sleep in their bed with them as youngsters and they didn't watch our every move. I think we turned out fine. I don't think any particular method is bad, but any method taken to the extreme is. I hope that makes sense.

[petitesuite]

I agree, narm. I think at its worse attachment parenting is a Trojan horse for a lot of incredibly anti-feminist ideals, not least because some of its tenets are incompatible with working full time.

I have never thought of Mayim Bialik much before this thread, but on what I've read here I'm mostly amazed that she can be so intelligent and educated and yet so capable of shutting off her critical thinking skills.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2014 0:35:52 GMT -4 Beyle said:

That said I think there are too many helicopter parents.

No kidding. I'm a reference librarian and I've lost count of how many times a parent has come in to do research for their kid's project. Sometimes the kid will even be there, standing off to the side while mommy or daddy does all the work for them. That just angers me so much. And it makes me appreciate the parents who make their kids talk to me themselves and the kids who come in on their own so much more.

[chonies]

I think many of the anti-vax crowd have moved from the autism link and onto a more generalized philosophy that vaccines are unnatural, or somehow otherwise philosophically or physically harmful. One Catholic mommy blogger I read sometimes is against vaccines because some of them were cultivated with cells from an aborted fetus (so she says), which...well, that's her reasoning. It's also true that vaccines have had adverse reactions in some children, and I can sort of sympathize with people who are scared of the idea of harm from a medical procedure v. harm from a disease that no one they know has ever had. From a distance, it's a strange cultural headspace. I do not agree with this outlook, but I try to understand it.

Topic: Mayim. I still haven't seen the Bill Maher interview. Maybe today.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

I keep meaning to watch the Bill Maher thing, especially since I just binge read a lot of her posts on Kveller.

One thing I find interesting and quite contrary to Gwyneth Paltrow is that Mayim said she chose acting over academia because life as a research professor wouldn't allow her the time she needs to pursue the parenting style she chooses. I can't remember where I read it, but I thought it was interesting when compared to Paltrow's concept of what working 9 to 5 really means versus acting jobs.

[Deleted]

My own personal experience with anti-vaxers is that it seems to stem from a general distrust of medical professionals. When I started having kids, I was so surprised at how many women had a hostile view of doctors and hospitals and modern medicine. And I was shocked because that was not at all how I was raised. My own philosophy was that I did not have a medical degree and that doctors were here to help. Maybe that was naive of me, but I also had never had a bad experience with a doctor so if my OBGYN or pediatrician said, Hey, you need to do this for LilB 1 or 2, I usually said: Okay. I chose them, I liked them, I trusted them and while I still read books and researched on the internet, I was still more likely to take their advice over some anonymous internet poster. Which is why I had a hard time understanding that other POV that doctors and nurses are pushing their own agenda on these patients out of greed or whatever other conspiracy theory was popular on the internet. My friends who are nurses have told me the same thing - many women coming in to have babies are adversarial, when it should be a team effort with the end result being a happy, healthy baby. I had one nurse friend who left labor and delivery because she could no longer take how expectant women were so intent on having their way - the birth experience they wanted and they were prepared to ignore medical advice to get it. Those same women were usually the ones who were anti-vaccinations later. I always thought that it took a lot of hubris to think that you knew better than someone who spent over a decade of his/her life studying medicine. I have a sociology degree. I don't know squat about birthin' babies.

[nemmie]

Apr 2, 2014 9:32:09 GMT -4 Kaleidoscope Eyes said:

One thing I find interesting and quite contrary to Gwyneth Paltrow is that Mayim said she chose acting over academia because life as a research professor wouldn't allow her the time she needs to pursue the parenting style she chooses. I can't remember where I read it, but I thought it was interesting when compared to Paltrow's concept of what working 9 to 5 really means versus acting jobs.

I find this very interesting - research is time-consuming but could easily be done from home time-to-time and/or when her children are sleeping (you know, soundly, nestled up next to her, never leaving her side). So that's kind of a load of BS. Especially considering that days on set are long days, and it's a bit harder to have a child strapped to your body when you're filming a scene.

Considering how much she bought into the extreme side of APing and the whole anti-vax movement, I think she's one of those "book smart life stupid" people. She can memorize and spit back all the data in the world, but can't really apply and work out real-life applications. You know? Because really: the fact that she has a doctorate in neuroscience and is anti-vax just blows my mind.

[Ginger]

Apr 2, 2014 9:59:41 GMT -4 nemmie said:

I find this very interesting - research is time-consuming but could easily be done from home time-to-time and/or when her children are sleeping (you know, soundly, nestled up next to her, never leaving her side). So that's kind of a load of BS. Especially considering that days on set are long days, and it's a bit harder to have a child strapped to your body when you're filming a scene.

Sitcom schedules are not demanding at all - it's basically a part-time job. But her reasoning was that the amount of money she would make acting would allow her husband to be the stay-at-home parent.

In families where the wife doesn't make millions of dollars per year from her acting career, it's the wife who stays home 24/7 with a baby strapped to her while she homeschools the older ones and breastfeeds all of them and takes naps with them on the family bed because it's cruel to make children sleep by themselves.

[Wenton]

I know a couple who were anti-vaccine for their child until he died of Pertussis. They're currently reconsidering their stance, to say the least.

I want to like Mayim because she made the most reasonable statement possible of how she reconciles her faith with her scientific background, but when it comes to this anti-vaccine movement, it's tricky. Taking your child's health day-to-day is just so irresponsible. I guarantee if something bad happens, she'll second guess herself on this.