John Mulaney

[GinFizz]

I felt this so hard:

My mental health hinged wholly on my dog. When I was hospitalized for depression, self-harm, and severe suicidal ideation in the first two weeks of 2021, the doctors asked me to make a list of my reasons for living. Petunia was the one and only thing on that list.

RIP Petunia

[ahah]

This element of their story is such a wake up call for the damage done to all parties for a co-dependent relationship. I can see where John became the focus of her world, along with Petunia. It's not a healthy way to have a relationship - any relationship.

[Ginger]

I don't think her spouse was the focus of her world more than any other married person. In the years prior to their divorce, she obtained a Master's Degree, accepted a research fellowship in a new city, launched a new career as a photographer, and moved into a house in her home state near her family. She also continued to maintain her own friend group separate from her husband's.

That seems like a lot of healthy independence to me.

I think it's her husband who had a hard time finding healthy things to focus his energies on, especially during the pandemic.

[ahah]

Jun 9, 2023 10:10:30 GMT -4 Ginger said:

I don't think her spouse was the focus of her world more than any other married person. In the years prior to their divorce, she obtained a Master's Degree, accepted a research fellowship in a new city, launched a new career as a photographer, and moved into a house in her home state near her family. She also continued to maintain her own friend group separate from her husband's.

That seems like a lot of healthy independence to me.

I think it's her husband who had a hard time finding healthy things to focus his energies on, especially during the pandemic.

And yet, when he was gone, the only think she could identify to live for was the dog. There are some big signs of co-dependence in that statement.

[Ginger]

May 18, 2021 10:34:59 GMT -4 ahah said:

And yet, when he was gone, the only think she could identify to live for was the dog.

That's not at all uncommon when people are depressed and in a suicidal state. They think their jobs, friends, parents don't need them and/or don't want them around anymore. Even parents of little kids often think their kids would be better off without them/better off with the other parent. Even if all of that is wildly and objectively untrue.

But on a very practical level they think, "I can't kill myself, because if I don't get out of bed tomorrow to feed the dog, they'll die." And that's the thing that keeps them going through the suicidal period.

It doesn't mean she actually had nothing else to live for.

[cubanitafresca]

Jun 9, 2023 10:48:53 GMT -4 ahah said:

Jun 9, 2023 10:10:30 GMT -4 Ginger said:

I don't think her spouse was the focus of her world more than any other married person. In the years prior to their divorce, she obtained a Master's Degree, accepted a research fellowship in a new city, launched a new career as a photographer, and moved into a house in her home state near her family. She also continued to maintain her own friend group separate from her husband's.

That seems like a lot of healthy independence to me.

I think it's her husband who had a hard time finding healthy things to focus his energies on, especially during the pandemic.

And yet, when he was gone, the only think she could identify to live for was the dog. There are some big signs of co-dependence in that statement.

I think that someone can be devastated by the end of a relationship without it meaning that the relationship was codependent. John treated her horribly and it was all pretty public. I'm sure she felt like she had the rug yanked out from under her with the whole world watching. Especially to find out he was having a child with someone - when he'd made such a thing about not having kids.

[featherhat]

I can't imagine going through what she did in public, especially with his PR working against her and fans that were upset by what happened "if you're upset by this you have an unhealthy parasocial relationship with him!" (I personally didn't know who he was until it all blew up).

John and Olivia have stayed together far longer than most predicted though, so I guess that's something for them.

[ahah]

He's an addict. Relationships with an addict are often co-dependent. So it's not a stretch.

[technicolor]

I know nothing about Mulaney apart from his stand-ups, but in his latest one he basically lacerates himself for the last few years of his life. It's an incredibly brutal piece of work camouflaged by his flippant delivery IMO. Going by his narration, by the time his friends staged an intervention his now ex-wife wasn't involved in that anymore. He rightly doesn't elaborate on that because it's not only his story to tell, but it seems very clear that he was basically on the path to killing himself with his addiction and it utterly destroyed the marriage. His ex-wife is not present in his junkie horror stories at all. I can't imagine what addiction this bad and this sustained (he admits that he's been a functioning addict for years before that) does to a relationship.

[laurenj]

Jun 12, 2023 6:30:12 GMT -4 technicolor said:

I know nothing about Mulaney apart from his stand-ups, but in his latest one he basically lacerates himself for the last few years of his life. It's an incredibly brutal piece of work camouflaged by his flippant delivery IMO. Going by his narration, by the time his friends staged an intervention his now ex-wife wasn't involved in that anymore. He rightly doesn't elaborate on that because it's not only his story to tell, but it seems very clear that he was basically on the path to killing himself with his addiction and it utterly destroyed the marriage. His ex-wife is not present in his junkie horror stories at all. I can't imagine what addiction this bad and this sustained (he admits that he's been a functioning addict for years before that) does to a relationship.

The thing that strikes me the most about the new comedy is how much it makes you reconsider his earlier comedy. Like the story about the dr sticking his finger up his butt when he went in seeking a Xanax prescription. That story comes across so different when you realize he wasn't a recovering addict but an addict in the midst of a downward spiral.

And some of his stories sound like they might be a bit whitewashed and cleaned up, even as bad as they are. He even makes a joke about that "think of how dark and depressing that story is...and that's one I'm willing to tell you."

I guess kudos to him that I still enjoyed the comedy, even with such dark material. Like the stuff about the "expendable grandparent, you don't want to kill your dad's dad because then your dad gets all weird." That was dark, but kind of true and more in line with his type of observational comedy.