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Post by Mutagen on Apr 11, 2012 17:37:10 GMT -4
Meh. Everyone grieves differently and no one is obligated to put it on display for the world. I had a coworker at a previous job who lost her father and sister pretty close together and most days? She was completely upbeat and positive and you would never guess it if you didn't know her. But there were other days when she'd let on how much it broke her up (especially losing her sister, which was an unexpected and sudden death).
Hell, when my best friend lost her mom we were out at a bar laughing two weeks later. Believe me, my friend sure as hell was not over the loss of her mom and probably never will be. But socializing and working are valid ways to try to heal.
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Post by Brookie on Apr 11, 2012 17:54:46 GMT -4
I'm shocked at how many people are judging Jennifer Hudson (and now Patrick Duffy) for not living like hermits. People die. It's a fact of life. In their cases, it was murders, which is far more shocking, but what are they supposed to do? Sit in their homes and do nothing but grieve for the rest of their lives? Kill themselves? Life goes on, and a healthy person has to figure out how to deal with the shocks, tragedies, and sad events that happen and move forward. I know Duffy became Buddhist (or became more involved). Jennifer has always seemed to have a strong faith in God, so that helps. And she hasn't completely abandoned her past & family; when she was on Oprah last year, she had several of her aunts or cousins doing the Weight Watchers, too. And just because someone can hold it together in public doesn't mean they don't have moments of weakness & overwhelming sadness in private. How long do you want people to grieve? Is there an established, agreed-on time limit? At some point, you just get on with it. You never forget, but life goes on while you're still being pissed off at the past. |
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waytoocheerful
Sloane Ranger
Posts: 2,821
Jan 22, 2007 11:20:08 GMT -4
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Post by waytoocheerful on Apr 11, 2012 18:06:23 GMT -4
I think sometimes people who have a strong faith are able to "soldier on" better than people who don't. If you believe in an afterlife - heaven is a place where your soul is at peace after your life on this earth is over - then you believe you are going to be with the people/person you lost.
I think there is no right way to mourn. For some people they have to stay busy -- work, school, etc. If you have a young child/children you can't sit around crying for months. She was pregnant when her the killings happened so after the shock of their deaths, she was occupied with her own family. Hell if I was Jennifer, I would have to stay busy to avoid killing my sister for making such stupid fucking choices that ended up costing our mother, brother, and my nephew their lives.
Some people are better at taking care of people (I am like this)than falling apart and needing to be taken care of by others. I do not like falling apart or crying in public. I put on the brave (cold-hearted bitch) face in public and fall apart in private.
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Post by Babycakes on Apr 11, 2012 19:31:14 GMT -4
I think sometimes people who have a strong faith are able to "soldier on" better than people who don't. If you believe in an afterlife - heaven is a place where your soul is at peace after your life on this earth is over - then you believe you are going to be with the people/person you lost. I think there is no right way to mourn. For some people they have to stay busy -- work, school, etc. If you have a young child/children you can't sit around crying for months. She was pregnant when her the killings happened so after the shock of their deaths, she was occupied with her own family. Hell if I was Jennifer, I would have to stay busy to avoid killing my sister for making such stupid fucking choices that ended up costing our mother, brother, and my nephew their lives. Some people are better at taking care of people (I am like this)than falling apart and needing to be taken care of by others. I do not like falling apart or crying in public. I put on the brave (cold-hearted bitch) face in public and fall apart in private. Completely agree. There is no right way to grieve, or time limit on it. However, my original post and point still stands--I don't think she is as happy as she would have the world to believe. That isn't an accusation or saying that she needs to gain her catharsis in public for me/us to judge, just that I don't think she is healed. It will take years to come to terms with what she went through, and I don't think she's there yet, even if her public image says she is. Oh, and I still think her fiance is gay.  |
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Post by Ninja Bunny on Apr 11, 2012 19:36:14 GMT -4
On behalf of atheists everywhere - no, this is not true. We cope just as well, if not better, than anyone else.
Agreed. I haven't seen her behave in any way that suggests that she got over it too fast or didn't care about her family enough; she was hardly skipping around tossing flower petals the day after the murders happened. After three and a half years, she's composed enough to get on with her life and career and I'm surprised at the suggestion that she hasn't mourned enough.
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celerydunk
Sloane Ranger
Posts: 2,521
May 3, 2005 21:57:59 GMT -4
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Post by celerydunk on Apr 11, 2012 19:54:21 GMT -4
On behalf of atheists everywhere - no, this is not true. We cope just as well, if not better, than anyone else. I'm also an atheist, but I don't think waytoocheerful was trying to present opinion as fact - note the "I think" and "sometimes" in the statement. |
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Post by GirlyGhoul on Apr 11, 2012 20:11:47 GMT -4
Well Jennifer (and Patrick Duffy) are performers. They were trained early in their lives/careers that 'The Show Must Go ON!' They know how to portray certain emotions that they might not actually be feeling. That goes for acting sad if the scene/song calls for it even if they aren't sad at all- And putting on a happy face for the public even if inside they're falling apart. They very may well fall apart in private more than any of us could ever imagine... But hey, there's no people like show people- they smile when they are low.
I'm actually really good at hiding my pain and I have a friend who's the same way. And we don't even have Oscars under our belts.
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Deleted
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Nov 28, 2024 9:56:37 GMT -4
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2012 20:58:35 GMT -4
I think it would be too distressing and troubling for the individual to talk about this kind of trauma in interviews and to the public all the time. It might be comforting to talk to friends and family in private, but to share this with the public on a continuing basis would be quite stressful.
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Deleted
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Nov 28, 2024 9:56:37 GMT -4
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2012 21:09:59 GMT -4
We see Jennifer in her professional roles. If she was showing up to talk shows and Weight Watchers commercials in a bathrobe and tear-streaked makeup, she wouldn't be doing her job. I don't think she's trying to convince anyone that she's nonstop happy. She's said in several interviews that she's over the moon happy to have her son and David but that she lives constantly with her loss.
There's also something to be said about closure. Family members of murder victims sometimes don't fully process their grief until after the killer has been convicted and sentenced, if then. Their grief can come in stages: after the death, when an arrest is made, after the trial, after the parole hearing. Sharon Tate's sister broke down and cried after Charles Manson's latest parole denial and that murder was more than 40 years ago. We can all surmise how we would act or how our friends acted after a family member passed but very few people have to deal with a mass murder. There's no template for that. We simply don't know what's "normal" in this situation because it's so, so far from normal.
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Post by margojata on Apr 12, 2012 10:00:40 GMT -4
Well, I'm not an actress and I've actually laughed at funerals. I've put on a great happy face in the ER with someone dying. People compensate all the time for their grieve... it's very personal, and we have no idea what Jennifer does on her own time. I think she's very strong and brave to continue on the way she does. You can see her face go dark when the murders are mentioned, but I think her faith gets her through it.
Being a relative of a murder victim is very tricky. I sadly belong to that club. There is anger, and then there can be a detachment because it really is all out of your hands.
Patrick Duffy! Who knew his name would ever come up! Yeah, I remember interviews with him at the time where he was devastated about his parents, but his beliefs gave him a sense of peace as well.
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