Horrible Song Lyrics

[schmoosie]

According to the Straight Dope, it stands for take care of business.

Then the lyrics actually are, "Take care Take care of business"? That's bad. I used to think the lyrics were "Take out tcp (out of respect), that made sense, because then it would be Reset, and she kept saying re re re (as in repeat I thought).

[glitterbug]

From Life (Des'ree):

I'm afraid of the dark
Especially when I'm in a park
And there's no one else around,
Oh I get the shivers.
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news.

How does this woman sell records???

[Hamatron]

Some gems from Shakira's awesomly bad, 'Underneath Your Clothes':

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl hon-ayyy

Then later, in the song she rambles:

I love you more than all that's on the planet
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing
You know it's true
Oh baby it's so funny
You almost don't believe it
As every voice is hanging from the silence
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling
Like a lady tied to her manners
I'm tied up to this feeling

Wow... just bad. Was something lost in translation here, or is it universally sucky be it in any language?

And another nominee? That weird three part cliff-hanger song that I think... R Kelly just put out. It was on the radio on my drive home yesterday, and I kept laughing at the lyrics-- they're like something written by a bad porn writer set to a soundtrack from a Nintendo game.

[goggle]

In "Spice Up Your Life" by the Spice Girls, which has many bad lyrics, there is the line "Yellow man in Timbuktu". I'm not quite sure what they mean by "yellow". If they meant the term for Asian, that would be incorrect, since Timbuktu is in Africa.

[huntergrayson]

I also thought that the Shakira lyric was "Like a lady tied to her manor" like a Victorian gal or something. That makes no more sense, but I think the song is fine while sung. And she gave us "lucky my breasts are small and humble so you don't confuse them with mountains," which I always found funny.

Never having heard the song, these lyrics for Rob Thomas This is How a Heart Breaks (which, lamely is the new NBA anthem)

Don't you wanna go for a ride
Just keep your hands inside
And make the most out of life
Now don't you take it for granted

Life is like a mean machine
It made a mess outta me
It left me caught between
Like an angry dream I was stranded

Wow. "Life is a mean machine?" And the last verse, which makes my head spin from double negatives and such.

You're not the best thing that I knew
Never was never cared too much
For all this hanging around
It's just the same thing all the time
Never get what I want
Never get too close to the end of the line
You're just the same thing that I knew back before the time
When I was only for you

At least Shakira can claim to be lost in translation.

[dwanollah]

Oh, Gwen, Gwen, what happened to you? I think you caught "retarded" the same way the average human catches a cold.

"If I were a rich girl/I'd have all the money in the world"...? First off, brain trust, rich does NOT = "all the money in the world." And second, you ARE a rich girl, mostly due to your increasingly cheap-ass famewhoring by recording tripe like this shit! Stop it! Bring back our cute doingy gal from Orange County!

[Deleted]

I wake up ridiculously early for work, and for the first hour of the day until I wake up properly I often get stupid songs stuck in my head. Today's selection was 'She Bangs' by Ricky Martin:

'She floats like a flower and she stings like bee
Like every girl in history'.

First of all, way to generalise. Secondly, Ricky Martin's knowledge of the female gender is open for debate.
Thirdly, it's just dumb.

[schmoosie]

This morning I was sleepily watching VH1. It was 5am, the baby was awake and he seemed to be content to lay in my arms while he watched videos (he loves music). What awoke me was the worst horror I could imagine. The song HAD to be a joke. It's a joke right? Trapped in The Closet by R. Kelly. It's told as this weird sing songy story. Like a guy telling his buddies his exaggerated sex stories. One set of lines goes like this:

She said her husband was coming from the stairs
“?? quiet, hurry up and get in the closet”
She said “don’t you make a sound or some ____ is going down
I Said “why don’t I just go out the window”
“yes, except for one thing, we’re on the 5th floor”
Think, think… “quick put me in the closet”

Then there is this gem

Next thing you know a call comes through on my cell phone
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate
But from the way he acted I could tell it was too late
He hopped up and said “there’s a mystery going on and I'm going to solve it”
And I'm like “God please don’t let this man open his closet”

And then the suspensful song ends like this:

He pulls back the shower curtain while she’s biting her nails
Then he walks back to the room. Right now I'm sweating like hell
Checks under the bed (bed)
then under the dresser (dresser)
He looks at the closet (closet)
I pull out my berretta (berretta)
He walks up to the closet (closet)
He’s close up to the closet (closet)
Now he’s at the closet (closet)
Now he’s opening the closet (closet, closet, closet)

The song has GOT to be a joke. Even then what the hell is R. Kelly doing making albums and who is buying this crap?

[underjoyed]

From Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together:"

Never imagined I’d be sitting
Here beside myself

What? You were actually sitting beside yourself? I have a feeling Mariah didn't mean mean it that way, but that's the way I interpret it.

Now, I love me some Mariah, but she could very well have meant she was sitting beside herself. In fact, she'd still have enough people left over in her head to be simultaneously sitting across from herself, near to herself, behind herself and slightly off to the left of herself. One of the fringe benefits of having multiple personalities, I s'pose.

Some gems from Shakira's awesomly bad, 'Underneath Your Clothes':


Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl hon-ayyy

These always grated me, too. At least she's being relatively flattering to what's underneath the guy's clothes, though. It'd be pretty depressing for your girlfriend to sing instead about how "underneath your clothes" was a one-act play. Or a haiku.

[squsie]

An oldie but a baddie from George Michael and Wham:

And I'm never gonna dance again,
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.