Pills & Pucci: Those Sex & Shopping Novels!

[huntergrayson]

So...VOTD came back into print when I was in high school and there was a minor media blitz (Salon had quite a few articles). I devoured it, I adored it, I immediately made all my girlfriends read it. (Did I even need to bother coming out later on?)

I'm re-reading Once is Not Enough as we speak, which contains one of the best blurbs on the back, from the Library Journal: "SPECTACULARLY SUCCESSFUL. There are plane crashes, drug orgies, motorcycle accidents, mass rapes, attempted abortions, suicide, evil doctors and assorted other activities; and I couldn't put the damn thing down."

I forgot how fricking insane this book is - there's already been the aforementioned motorcycle accident (with ensuing concussion but more importantly, OMG, they shaved January's head! - news that is exposited to us in ALL-CAPS), death via botched attempted abortion (is that suicide as well?), a near-rape by a well-hung Italian movie star, massive massive incest vibes and overblown/creepy daddy-daughter birthday dinners (where Mike "introduced [January] to Dom Perignon and caviar" - and she's only turning 8!).

This is all by Page 32.

Seriously, her books are like candy or cocaine. So addictive!

ETA: I'm being all mod-authoritative and expanding our discussion range so we can include various Jackies, along with Judy.

[WitchyPoo]

I stole my mother's copy of Once Is Not Enough and for my pre-teen self it was like reading porn. Was that the one where someone kept a jar full of cum in her refrigerator and used it in her hair? At some point the book "disappeared" from my room. I never mentioned it and neither did my mother.

[huntergrayson]

WTF? I have to read faster and see if that happens.

[GoldenFleece]

I really wanted to read Valley of the Dolls, but it's not in my local library's catalog (too racy at the time it was published, but now, they order up plenty of Zane-how times change!), so I had to settle for Once is Not Enough. The book was completely nuts. I'm not sure I want to know how much dirtier/insane VotD must be (though I totally do).

January Jones is named after January Wayne.

[huntergrayson]

OMFG, I will make her my Anne Welles in my film adaptation/remake just for that. She would actually be perfect - it annoys me to no end that they made her brunette in the movie. Anne is BLONDE, DAMMIT! Susann only mentions her stereotypically WASPy looks like every other page. Plus, Anne is totally beta-Betty Draper.

So I woke up way too fucking early because of loudish music and stupid birds - and said I'd read a bit before go back to sleep and holy crap, OINE is my new crack. I NEED the rights to this immediately. January is working at "Gloss Magazine" and is considering pitching an article called "is there life after 30?" I think Jackie just accidentally invented Carrie Bradshaw. Also, a group called "The Red Butterflies" just showed up. They are, and I quote, "a Communist Gay Liberation group that operates in Canada. A few of them are in town for recruits."


I don't remember the Love Machine well but I do remember VOTD is the least crazy of her books. It's her total masterpiece though. Back when I made aforementioned friends read it in high school, we totally fantasized about *our* more authentic film version. I believe we decided that there was so much plot, we would do it as a miniseries trilogy. And we decided to name them VOTD: The Fellowship of the Dolls, VOTD: The Two Dolls and VOTD: Return of the Dolls.

I will totally post Salon articles once I'm on an actual computer sometime soon.

In the meantime, I should put this book down and go to sleep, with or without the help of dolls.

OH HAI THAR, sudden surprise lesbianism!

One more chapter, maybe.

[tszuj]

I reread VOTD every year or so, but I've never read OINE. I've just reserved it at my library online, though. It actually sounds more wacko than VOTD.

[Peggy Lane]

Sadly, I've read Susann's entire oeuvre. Including some biographies. Ahem. You guys have to get your hands on Dolores, Susann's take on Jackie O.

I blend TLM and OSNE together in my head. Is January the girl who grew up in boarding schools and was super sheltered? And then her BFF mocked her because she couldn't remember the difference between Gucci and Pucci?

Britney Spears makes me think of Jennifer North's first husband in VotD.

[huntergrayson]

Yes, Britney is so Tony Polar!

January went to boarding school and then got in a motorcycle accident and had to learn to walk again. She's working at Gloss now and I can see Linda making such a comment.

The incest vibe between her and her dad is so off-the-charts.

Meanwhile, the scene: young Karla (who grows up to be a Dietrichesque star/recluse) and Sister Therese, her nun/ballet teacher have confessed their love for each other. But Sister Therese tries to convince her it is wrong.

"One day a man will come along...and then you will understand true love."
"Why didn't that man come along for you?"
"He did. His name is Jesus."

HA HA HA HA.

[Daisy Pusher]

Jun 8, 2009 13:53:26 GMT -4 @huntergrayson said:

Meanwhile, the scene: young Karla (who grows up to be a Dietrichesque star/recluse) and Sister Therese, her nun/ballet teacher have confessed their love for each other. But Sister Therese tries to convince her it is wrong.

"One day a man will come along...and then you will understand true love."
"Why didn't that man come along for you?"
"He did. His name is Jesus."

HA HA HA HA.

Oh I remember this! I also still remember the horrible rape scene in the church. Does anyone remember the name of Karla's developmentally challenged, yet still stunningly beautiful, daughter?

eta: I first read OINE the summer of 1984. It was a very vivid color in the crayon box of my memories from that summer, along with Purple Rain and the L.A. Olympics.

Anyway, I have the Holy Trinity of JS novels, and to this day, OINE is still my all-time favorite. Unfortunately the movie version is so incredibly LAME, and not in a good way.

Even worse is TLM, Meh book, for me, but oh my God, what a disservice the film version was . John Philip Law, one of the most wooden actors ever.

Anyway, back to the books....

[Peggy Lane]

All developmentally challenged people are stunningly beautiful! At least in Susann World! And I'm glad someone else can see the Britney/Tony Polar connection.

Of her books, I think I like The Love Machine the best. Although Robin might've been literary's biggest man whore, he was so amusing and dry. And she really surprised me with that book. I really thought the Anne Welles/January clone was going to be the main love interest...and then she died.

We should have a Jacqueline Susann book club this summer!