Post by minsky on Mar 27, 2005 14:54:11 GMT -4
Hey, kiddies: On this lovely Easter Sunday afternoon, I've been thinking that Crazy Mel Gibson's dreary s&m "religious" snuff film, the Passion of the Christ, has to be totally recast and remade into a zany comedy film. Wouldn't you pay to see that? I know I would!
To wit: Jim Carrey as Jesus - they share the same initials, which was one of the reasons Jim Cavael (or whatever his name is) claimed to be a good choice to play Gibson's Jesus. Eugene Levy as Judas (more on this in a bit), Gilbert Gottfried as Pontius Pilate, Kathy Griffin as Mary Magdalen, Jerry Stiller and Estelle Harris as Joseph and Mary (in full Frank and Estelle Costanza screeching mode), and various folk from Mad TV and SCTV as assorted hanger-oners, villagers, disciples and Roman soldiers.
And Kelsey Grammer as Satan. Who (for the purposes of this film) is a master of disguise.
Most of the torture/whipping scenes (which makes up 98% of Gibby's magnum opus) should be sped up super-fast for the sake of moving things along a bit more quickly. For hilarity's sake, we'll add some Benny Hill chase music every time the Romans begin thrashing away. During all this, Pilate is planning for his daughter's coming out party. (She's played by Ashton Kutcher in drag.) Meanwhile, Satan (who's a master of disguise) sneaks & tip-toes around the proceedings, hoping to get a look at Jesus while he's being flogged. No luck, though: he only catches a glimpse when JC's doing innocuous things, like playing poker with the Roman guards (while they all smoke big cigars and drink martinis). At various points, Satan is disguised as a Scottish Highlander (complete with kilt, bagpipes and big ol' fuzzy hat), a flapper from the 1920's, a vampire, a'la Count Floyd, Samurai Jack, and Hunter S. Thompson. He also gets unintentionally slapped around quite a bit, including one incident when a passing crowd inadvertently pushes him over a wall, which (naturally) is against a cliff, and we see him plunge to the jagged rocks and cactus below, shrieking like Mamie Van Doren.
The role of Judas offers ample opportunity for scenery-chewing, which is why I chose Levy to play. As in CMG's epic, Judas is haunted non-stop by evil demon children, but in my version, the kids (who look like Li'l Hot Stuff from Harvey comics) play mean tricks on Jude, like putting a "Kick Me" sign on his back, or lighting matches between his toes. Every time they do this, Jude overreatcs hysterically, screaming "Whhhaaaat do you kids want from meeee??!!", pulling his hair and beard, rolling his eyes and generally freaking out. Also, nobody else can see the kids, prompting the other disciples to look at Judas during his various "episodes" and saying, "I dunno know, Jude. You're just too darn loopy."
To wit: Jim Carrey as Jesus - they share the same initials, which was one of the reasons Jim Cavael (or whatever his name is) claimed to be a good choice to play Gibson's Jesus. Eugene Levy as Judas (more on this in a bit), Gilbert Gottfried as Pontius Pilate, Kathy Griffin as Mary Magdalen, Jerry Stiller and Estelle Harris as Joseph and Mary (in full Frank and Estelle Costanza screeching mode), and various folk from Mad TV and SCTV as assorted hanger-oners, villagers, disciples and Roman soldiers.
And Kelsey Grammer as Satan. Who (for the purposes of this film) is a master of disguise.
Most of the torture/whipping scenes (which makes up 98% of Gibby's magnum opus) should be sped up super-fast for the sake of moving things along a bit more quickly. For hilarity's sake, we'll add some Benny Hill chase music every time the Romans begin thrashing away. During all this, Pilate is planning for his daughter's coming out party. (She's played by Ashton Kutcher in drag.) Meanwhile, Satan (who's a master of disguise) sneaks & tip-toes around the proceedings, hoping to get a look at Jesus while he's being flogged. No luck, though: he only catches a glimpse when JC's doing innocuous things, like playing poker with the Roman guards (while they all smoke big cigars and drink martinis). At various points, Satan is disguised as a Scottish Highlander (complete with kilt, bagpipes and big ol' fuzzy hat), a flapper from the 1920's, a vampire, a'la Count Floyd, Samurai Jack, and Hunter S. Thompson. He also gets unintentionally slapped around quite a bit, including one incident when a passing crowd inadvertently pushes him over a wall, which (naturally) is against a cliff, and we see him plunge to the jagged rocks and cactus below, shrieking like Mamie Van Doren.
The role of Judas offers ample opportunity for scenery-chewing, which is why I chose Levy to play. As in CMG's epic, Judas is haunted non-stop by evil demon children, but in my version, the kids (who look like Li'l Hot Stuff from Harvey comics) play mean tricks on Jude, like putting a "Kick Me" sign on his back, or lighting matches between his toes. Every time they do this, Jude overreatcs hysterically, screaming "Whhhaaaat do you kids want from meeee??!!", pulling his hair and beard, rolling his eyes and generally freaking out. Also, nobody else can see the kids, prompting the other disciples to look at Judas during his various "episodes" and saying, "I dunno know, Jude. You're just too darn loopy."
