Lori Loughlin

[hildymatildy]

Exactly BoroKat. My 15 year old can do his own laundry, he knows how to shop for groceries, how to put them away and how to cook them. He can cook anything from omelets and pancakes with bacon and sausage to French onion soup, lasagna, or his favorite, burritos.

He can contact companies when his things under warranty break, make phone calls for appointments for things like getting his musical instruments serviced. When we go out to eat he places his order with the waitress instead of telling me or his dad what he wants.

He knows how to manage his money and research how to get the best product, services and deals. His friends on the other hand have no clue and it baffles me.

[Deleted]

My parents never did my projects for me, and I went grocery shopping with my mom so much that it wasn’t hard when I was shopping for myself. Mom also made sure I knew how to do laundry before I went to college because she made the mistake of not giving my older brother lessons and he always came home on breaks with a giant duffel bag full of dirty clothes. I do still on occasion call my parents for advice about various things (the last occasion was to ask my dad how to deal with a mouse in my wall) but they’d never try to do things for me that I’m capable of doing myself.

I just do not understand why so many parents these days refuse to allow their kids to become independent.

[Deleted]

Because they put their own needs (to be wanted/needed) ahead of their kids' needs (to become independent).

[Deleted]

Jun 9, 2019 18:07:27 GMT -4 hildymatildy said:

Exactly BoroKat. My 15 year old can do his own laundry, he knows how to shop for groceries, how to put them away and how to cook them. He can cook anything from omelets and pancakes with bacon and sausage to French onion soup, lasagna, or his favorite, burritos.

He can contact companies when his things under warranty break, make phone calls for appointments for things like getting his musical instruments serviced. When we go out to eat he places his order with the waitress instead of telling me or his dad what he wants.

He knows how to manage his money and research how to get the best product, services and deals. His friends on the other hand have no clue and it baffles me.

We aren't there yet with cooking. That's on me, I have new appliances and I would croak if he put something crazy in my oven and ruined it. But he owns stocks so there is that.

Roisin, I think that parents don't teach them independence because they want to control their kids' choices -- so they can ensure they make the best choices to have their desired outcome. It's a competition. If the parents are in charge, they can ensure the kids have the best, be the best and better their classmates. We live in a tech city and it is highly competitive here. The parents are really involved in their kids' academic careers. We go to open houses at the schools and the parents are so anxious and sometimes needlessly combative.

Nothing that has come out has led me to believe that LL's girls were interested in any academic or collegiate success. So she took control of the matter to ensure that they had what SHE wanted and what she thought was the best. It is the same type of parental behavior I see here, just with a hell of a lot more money to work with.

ETA: What Mulva said.

[seat6]

Jun 9, 2019 10:43:06 GMT -4 Ginger said:

]He was outraged that some of the daughter's friends were now making fun of her, outraged that he had not been told about this social situation, and outraged that his daughter was not being aggressive enough about repairing her reputation. I listened for an hour while this father discussed each and every one of his daughter's friends by name, had the daughter read out the texts she had received from her friends, and dictated to her how she needed to respond. It was NUTS.

Oh, my god. Do you know how my father knew my friends?

The blonde girl.
The Indian girl.
The really short girl.
The girl who lives on Hanover.
The boy.
The other boy.

[chonies]

I’m dying—this is so accurate.!

[Deleted]

My friends were known to my parents as the one across the road, the one down the road, the one a few miles away, the one in the town, the one I knew her father and the one over the pub(the one that concerned them the most not them just their location)

[groovethang]

My kids are at the age where they insist on doing things for themselves because "we're not babies" (they're pre-teens who think they're adults who should be able to do whatever the hell they want) so it's actually a little hard for me right now NOT being needed. Still doesn't mean I'm stepping in and taking over to feed my ego because I'll adjust to not being needed just fine and I'd rather not have them living in my basement when they're 30*

* and I understand things happen in life and, yes, someday, they may need to live with me for whatever reason but I want it to be because of circumstances beyond their control and not because they're not capable

[divasahm]

When I was fifteen or sixteen, my mom got a job and there was suddenly a big push for me to take on some of the household responsibilities. My brothers were 12/13 and 9/10, and played soccer, baseball, basketball, and ran track, so there was a big push for me to get my driver's license and drive them hither and yon to their practices, in addition to my own choir and musical rehearsals. I also had to learn how to at least start cooking dinner, help my brothers with their homework if necessary, and we all had to learn how to do laundry (thanks, Mom, for not making me wash loads of stinky sports uniforms!).

My older kids picked up a lot of the slack when I was overwhelmed with ds3's behaviors and autism diagnosis and therapies--without being asked. Ds3 learned quickly, too--they actually enjoy having that level of control over their surroundings. When I broke my hip, I would drive them to the grocery store with a list, and sit in the car while they bought groceries, texted any questions they had, and paid for them--they are so much more savvy at this stuff than I was at their ages.

Also, I went to Europe with my high school choir the summers before and after my senior year in high school, and my parents were lucky to get postcards. They'd have died of fright if they'd gotten a call from so far away--obviously I would have been dead or dying to go to that expense and trouble!

[cubanitafresca]

When my daughter was younger, I read the greatest piece of advice. Basically, you can't treat them like a child till they turn 18, turn them loose and think they'll be able to survive. They need a chance to make mistakes and learn from them before the cost is too great. Treat their senior year like adulthood with training wheels. I backed way off with my daughter. No curfews, no harping about cleaning her room etc.The only rule was ...You do not miss school ever. I let her know that I was there for her if she needed me, but she needed to learn to manage her life before college. We had a few bumps in the road. I got a few calls begging to be picked up from parties where she was drunk. She figured out that going to class hungover was no fun. She was always pretty responsible but unfettered freedom of college life is a heady drug. She never went buck wild like her friends did because she understood how to handle that kind of freedom. Best parenting advice ever imo